2022

Pinko Commie Bastards came into the game as the biggest favorite this week and proceeded to make the experts look good. They wound up with a solid victory against Alcoholniks, winning 67 to 60.

Pinko Commie Bastards won with a balanced effort, as four players outperformed their positional averages. Jonathan Taylor was the best of the bunch, tallying 14 points.1 Taylor was given a hefty 35 touches (defying the stated intentions of his coach). Pinko Commie Bastards overcame poor performances from Tee Higgins and the Saints Defense/ST (5 points combined) in getting this win.

Coach Nick Claeboe will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. Alvin Kamara was the worst of a four man group of underperformers on Alcoholniks, totaling only 1 point.2 Kamara did the worst of any player drafted in the first round.3

Alcoholniks also had to deal with a poor effort from Kyle Pitts (4.2 points below expected). Pitts was targeted seven times but only managed to haul in two catches.

A key injury will make this loss for Alcoholniks sting even more. Dak Prescott underwent surgery on his hand Monday following a fourth quarter injury sustained in Sunday’s 19-3 loss against Tampa Bay.

Pinko Commie Bastards wasn't just winning on the field this week, but also chalked up a win in the front office. Coach Erran Yearty picked up Kareem Hunt off the waiver wire and saw him score 15 points (on the bench, but still).

Next week will see Alcoholniks taking on the 1 - 0 Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, who posted the highest score this week. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will also bring the league's top player this week, Patrick Mahomes, into the game. Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will collide with The Brainers next week.

Homesick Abortions were able to grind out a solid victory this week against Space Lords, winning by a score of 54 to 46. Coach Chris Crowder should thank his lucky stars he drew Space Lords for this week's contest, since his squad would have lost to EVERY other team this week.

Homesick Abortions stumbled big time right from the get-go. Matthew Stafford kept the scoreboard operator relaxed, coming up with only 3 points.

Homesick Abortions were also hurt by the Panthers Defense/ST falling 7.7 points short of the average Defense/ST. The Panthers' 1 point was the fewest of any Defense/ST this week.

Meanwhile, Coach Brad Householder's squad was doing pretty good. Michael Pittman led the charge, scoring 12 points.

Going into late Sunday, our projections had Space Lords comfortably ahead (they had a 92% chance of winning). However, that was before the rest of Coach Householder's squad decided to go on vacation. Aaron Rodgers was the worst of them, scoring 13.1 points fewer than he was expected to, which was enough to give Homesick Abortions the victory.

Next week, Homesick Abortions will take on the 0 - 1 DenBro. The game might be quite the strategic battle, as it will feature the two best gameday coaches from this week. Meanwhile, Space Lords will take on Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

This was expected to be a close game, and the predictions ended up being right. Big Tex's Pillow Biters squeaked past DenBro, winning 62 to 60. Just another good result from the leagues' all-time leader in winning percentage.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters were led by the tag team of D'Andre Swift and Davante Adams, who together scored 27 points. Adams finished Week 1 with 141 receiving yards (more than all the Packers wide receivers combined at 95).

Meanwhile, DenBro were having trouble reaching paydirt, getting into the end zone only one time. That was the lowest TDs total of any team this week. Coach Don Zimmerman can look to Keenan Allen and A.J. Brown when passing out blame for the poor performance in that category. The two combined to score 0 TDs.

The schedule for Big Tex's Pillow Biters brings Zombie Werewolves around next week. As for DenBro, they will square off against Homesick Abortions.

It's not that hard to win when you have the league's top performer for the week, and Patrick Mahomes was that player. Showtime was the key component as Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train slid by Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, winning 79 to 76. He became the fourth player in the Super Bowl era to finish Week 1 with more than 300 passing yards, five touchdowns and no interceptions.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train also got the 2nd highest tight end score this week via Travis Kelce, who racked up 12 points. Coach Micah Russell's squad won despite bad games from Hunter Renfrow, Nyheim Hines, and the 49ers Defense/ST, who together recorded 9 points.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum this week. Ryan Succop paced the team by beating the average kicker by 6.8 points, while Russell Wilson (2 points worse than the average quarterback) was the worst on the team.

Next week will see Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum taking on the 0 - 1 Space Lords. Space Lords not only lost this week, but scored fewer points than any other team. Meanwhile, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will be playing Alcoholniks.

Zombie Werewolves took The Brainers out of the playoffs last year, and went ahead and rubbed some salt in that wound this week. They just slipped by The Brainers, 63 to 62.

The Bills Defense/ST was the key contributor for Zombie Werewolves, putting up 17 points. Zombie Werewolves also got a big effort from Gabe Davis (5 points above expected).

The game wouldn't have been as close if Coach Patrick jolle had put the Steelers Defense/ST (24 points) in the lineup. The Steelers' performance this week was better than every other bench-rider in the league.

Over in the loser's circle, The Brainers got a big game from Saquon Barkley. SaQuads scored 17 points, which were the most that any running back collected this week. Unfortunately for The Brainers, he was the only player on the whole team that had a legit good performance.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. The Brainers had five underperformers, with Tom Brady (7 points) being the worst.1

Zombie Werewolves will be going against Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. The coaches in this game could exchange tips on coming up clutch, having both won close games this week. As for The Brainers, they will match up with Pinko Commie Bastards next week.

In a game where both teams had a shot to win, Homesick Abortions handed DenBro a tough 59 to 57 loss. After winning a lucky one last week, Homesick Abortions did it again, winning a game with the 2nd lowest score this week. The win brings Homesick Abortions' record to 2 - 0, while dropping DenBro to 0 - 2.

Homesick Abortions got a nice group performance in the win, as four players beat their positional averages. Cooper Kupp was the first among equals, notching 15 points.1 Homesick Abortions also got a better-than-expected performance from Daniel Carlson, who beat his projections by 4.6 points. Carlson's impressive 55 yard field goal was his 27th in a row, currently the longest streak in the NFL.

Homesick Abortions got the win despite leaving Tua Tagovailoa and his 36 points on the bench. No other player riding the pine did better this week.

Meanwhile, this week's loss for DenBro was a true group effort. They were brought down by five underperformers, the worst of whom was Dalvin Cook (zero points). That was the fewest of any running back this week. Coach Don Zimmerman certainly can't blame the loss on Josh Allen, who scored 26 points.

Next week, Homesick Abortions will take on the 1 - 1 Big Tex's Pillow Biters. That team will limp into the contest having posted only 41 points this week. Meanwhile, DenBro will collide with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse might have been looking to rest his nerves a bit after last week's nailbiter. Well, he got the rest, but definitely not the win. The Brainers got clobbered by Pinko Commie Bastards, losing 60 to 36. The Brainers secured the worst team performance in the league this week with that 36 point total.

The loss drops The Brainers' record to 0 - 2, while the win brings Pinko Commie Bastards to 2 - 0.

Three players (Evan McPherson, Darren Waller, and Justin Herbert) delivered victory to Pinko Commie Bastards, getting 40 of their team's 60 points. Despite a fracture in his rib cartilage, Herbert triumphantly returned to the field to lead a 73 yard touchdown drive.

It was, unfortunately, a costly win for Pinko Commie Bastards. Trey Lance's season is over after he suffered a broken ankle requiring surgery in Sunday’s game.

Meanwhile, The Brainers had many underperformers, but Tom Brady stood out, dropping only 6 points.1 The Brainers also had to deal with a bad performance from Ja'Marr Chase, who scored only 2 points. The Brainers only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with the Rams Defense/ST scoring 9 points.

Someone will get their first win as the 0 - 2 Brainers takes on the 0 - 2 Space Lords. As for Pinko Commie Bastards, they will square off against Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train.

November 14, 2022. Coach Micah Russell better mark down that date, as it will be the first chance they have to get revenge for what happened to them this week. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train got absolutely demolished by Alcoholniks, losing 110 to 59. The game evens up both teams' records at 1 - 1.

Lamar Jackson was expected to be the worst performing QB this week, but apparently that was just fuel for the fire. Jackson teamed up with Tyreek Hill and Aaron Jones to provide 68% of Alcoholniks' points. Jackson rushed for 119 yards against the Dolphins, becoming the first NFL quarterback with 11 100+ yard rushing games in the process.

Brett Maher helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 6.5 points.

Meanwhile, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train didn't have anybody who was too hot, or too cold, but this Goldilocks outcome was not 'just right'. Tyler Bass topped the kicker average by 3.5 points to lead the team, while Marquise Brown fell only 4.2 points short of the average WR in bringing up the rear.

Next week, Alcoholniks will be playing Zombie Werewolves. One of those teams will face a big comedown from this week, as they both won easily. Meanwhile, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will be playing Pinko Commie Bastards next week.

Forget the teams, it's Coach Robert Wetzel that is the big winner this week. They started Nick Chubb instead of Cordarrelle Patterson, despite the experts' prediction that Patterson should have played.

This decision netted Coach Wetzel an extra 21 points and was the difference in the game, as Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum (1 - 1) got past Space Lords (0 - 2), winning 72 to 68.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum underperformed a bit during Sunday's main action. The Colts Defense/ST was the worst of a four man group of underperformers, scoring exactly zero points. No other Defense/ST scored fewer points than that this week.

Meanwhile, Space Lords were putting up a solid effort. They were powered by Amon-Ra St. Brown, who scored 20 points. St. Brown's nine receptions for 116 yards on Sunday tied the NFL record for most consecutive games with 8+ receptions.

Going into Sunday night, our projections gave Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum only a 2% chance of winning. Stefon Diggs had other ideas. Diggsy did 17.6 points better than he was expected to, which was enough to give Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum an unlikely victory.

Both teams will be looking for their first win next week when Space Lords and The Brainers face off. The Brainers have also scored the fewest points so far this year. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will take on DenBro.

Zombie Werewolves finished last season with the best record and just kept on rolling this week. They demolished Big Tex's Pillow Biters, winning 72 to 41. The win brings Zombie Werewolves' record to 2 - 0, while dropping Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 1 - 1.

Zombie Werewolves were led by the two man wrecking crew of the Bills Defense/ST and Jalen Hurts, who combined for 60% of Zombie Werewolves' points. Hurts managed to combine passing and rushing excellence in a way no quarterback had ever done before.

Meanwhile, Kirk Cousins stuck out as the worst performer for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, totaling only 4 points.1 That performance was worse than every other player this week.2 Deebo Samuel falling 4.4 points short of his expectations didn't help matters much either.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters did get a couple of good, but ultimately futile, efforts from Mark Andrews and D'Andre Swift, who came up with a total of 20 points. Andrews scored 11 points, which topped all tight ends this week.

On the coaching front, both sides made mistakes this week. Coach Patrick jolle seem to have forgotten to set their lineup this week. They left Gabe Davis in the lineup, despite the fact that he was a guaranteed zero points. They also left Hayden Hurst in the lineup (Zach Ertz would have been 2 points better). This makes it back-to-back weeks where they have cost their team points.

Coach William Hayes could have made Coach Jolle pay if he set the best possible lineup. Coach Hayes went with Greg Joseph over the higher ranked Robbie Gould.

This decision cost Big Tex's Pillow Biters a total of 8 points. If Coach Hayes had left Joseph on the bench and also started the Buccaneers Defense/ST and Derek Carr, Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won the game.

Zombie Werewolves will face off against Alcoholniks next week. Coach Nick Claeboe's team just had a huge week, having posted 110 points. That might mean that Zombie Werewolves will be an underdog for the third straight time. Not that Coach Jolle should let that bother them, given their record in the last two games. As for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, they will match up with Homesick Abortions next week.

Mark Andrews was expected to be the top performing TE this week, and that's exactly what he was. Big Tex's Pillow Biters got the job done against Homesick Abortions, winning 64 to 56 behind 16 points from Andrews. He currently has 22 catches, 31 targets, 245 yards, and three touchdowns, all of which lead the NFL for tight ends.

Meanwhile, Matthew Stafford loomed large in the loss for Homesick Abortions, scoring 4 points.1 Stafford has now failed to hit his expected points in any game so far this year.

Justin Jefferson added to Homesick Abortions' troubles, scoring exactly zero points. Jefferson totaled 14 receiving yards on Sunday, which is the worst single-game performance of his career.

The win takes Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 2 - 1, while dropping Homesick Abortions to a matching 2 - 1.

Homesick Abortions will try to turn things around versus Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum next week. The matchup will feature the two top WR's in the league, as Cooper Kupp meets up with Stefon Diggs. Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing Space Lords next week.

DenBro didn't have too much trouble with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum this week, winning 65 to 52. The win brings DenBro's record to 1 - 2, while dropping Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum to 1 - 2.

The experts thought the Broncos Defense/ST should have been left on the bench, but Coach Don Zimmerman knew better. Although DenBro had several players step up in the win, The Broncos Defense/ST was just a bit ahead of the others, totaling 16 points.1 DenBro also got the benefit of the 3rd straight game that Josh Allen exceeded his expectations.

Meanwhile, Kyler Murray stuck out as the worst performer for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, producing only 6 points.2

The schedule for DenBro brings Pinko Commie Bastards around next week. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will collide with Homesick Abortions.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train took on Pinko Commie Bastards two times last year and won each time. The result this week then, was not surprising. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train made it look easy against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 65 to 34. Blowouts are par for the course for these teams these days, as both of them were in blowouts last week as well.

The win brings Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's record to 2 - 1, while dropping Pinko Commie Bastards to 2 - 1.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train were a picture of symmetry, winning with a very balanced lineup. The Eagles Defense/ST paced the team by beating the average Defense/ST by 6.5 points, while Miles Sanders (4.1 points worse than the average running back) was the worst on the team. The Eagles have now exceeded their points expectations in every game so far this year.

Meanwhile, Justin Herbert was clearly the weakest link for Coach Erran Yearty and the gang as he tallied 6 points.1 The Saints Defense/ST's 3 point performance didn't help matters much either. The Saints have now failed to exceed the average Defense/ST's point total in any week this year.

Pinko Commie Bastards only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Evan McPherson scoring 10 points.

Coach Micah Russell did their part to secure the victory. They left the 49ers Defense/ST and Brandon Aiyuk on the bench in favor of the Eagles Defense/ST and Amari Cooper, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions boosted Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's final score by 11 points, which only added to Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's domination. After their decisions this week, Coach Russell's lineup moves are now a net-plus for the year.

Coach Russell will put their managerial prowess to work against Zombie Werewolves next week. As for Pinko Commie Bastards, they will square off against DenBro.

Last year's playoff loss at the hands of Zombie Werewolves might still be ringing in Coach Nick Claeboe's ears, but he got some measure of revenge this week. Alcoholniks had just enough against Zombie Werewolves, winning 67 to 63. With those 67 points, Alcoholniks had the most points in the league for the 2nd straight week.

The win brings Alcoholniks' record to 2 - 1, while dropping Zombie Werewolves to an identical 2 - 1.

Alcoholniks put forth a so-so effort Sunday. They had four underperformers, with Aaron Jones (-1 points) bringing up the rear. Jones' -1 point performance was worse than every other running back this season.

Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves were also doing ok. Jalen Hurts took the lead, scoring 22 points. Following Sunday’s game, Hurts became the first quarterback in NFL history to earn over 900 passing yards and 150 rushing yards in the first three games of the season.

It was absolutely anybody's game going into Monday night. Coach Claeboe needed the Cowboys Defense/ST and Brett Maher to come up with 17 points. The Cowboys and Maher then did what they needed to do, dropping 21 points to win the game.

Alcoholniks will be going against The Brainers next week. That team is not coming in very hot, after finishing this week with only 37 points. The Brainers will also come into the game looking for their first win. Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves will take on Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train.

Space Lords (1 - 2) came into the game as the biggest underdog this week, but they didn't let that get them down. They strolled past The Brainers (0 - 3), winning 52 to 37. The two teams combined for the lowest score so far this season.

Space Lords were lucky to win this one given their point total, but they were due for a little luck, having lost last week despite putting up a solid score. Not only did The Brainers lose, but they now sit at the bottom of every component in the CBS power rankings.

The bottom part of Coach Brad Householder's draft came through for them this week. Matt Prater scored 14 points, and the Ravens Defense/ST was close behind with 11. The Ravens have now exceeded their points expectations in every game so far this year.

Meanwhile, Carson Wentz was the main culprit in The Brainers' loss, managing only 3 points.1 That performance was the worst of any player this week.2

The Chargers Defense/ST have to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 8.9 fewer points than they were expected to. The Chargers' 0 point performance was worse than every other Defense/ST this week.

Saquon Barkley was the lone bright spot (and a pretty dim one at that) for The Brainers, scoring 12 points. Barkley left any doubt that he's 100% healthy in the rear view mirror after this beautiful 36 yard TD run through traffic.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse could have won this game with the right lineup. Perhaps scared off by Tom Brady's 6 point performance last week, Coach Rittenhouse left him on the bench in favor of Carson Wentz, despite the experts' prediction that Brady should have played.

This decision shaved 7 points from The Brainers' score. If Coach Rittenhouse had left Carson Wentz on the bench and also started the Rams Defense/ST and Christian Kirk, The Brainers would have won the game.

Next week will see The Brainers taking on the 2 - 1 Alcoholniks. Alcoholniks have been the highest scoring team so far this year. As for Space Lords, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

Pinko Commie Bastards failed to show up for last week's contest, but turned things way around this week. They skated by DenBro pretty easily, winning 74 to 55. The win brings Pinko Commie Bastards' record to 3 - 1, while dropping DenBro to 1 - 3.

Mike Evans led a very balanced group of five overperformers for Pinko Commie Bastards this week, putting up 17 points. No other wide receiver scored more points than that this week. He showed no signs of rust in Sunday’s game, finishing the day with eight receptions from 10 targets for 103 yards.

The only real damper on Pinko Commie Bastards' victory came from Jonathan Taylor, who scored zero points.

Meanwhile, there were plenty of chefs cooking up this week's loss for DenBro. The Broncos Defense/ST was the worst of a five man group of underperformers, recording only 2 points.1 That was quite a falloff from last week, when they scored 16 points. DenBro were also hurt by the 4th straight game that Dalvin Cook has failed to exceed his expected points.

Pinko Commie Bastards will be going against Zombie Werewolves next week. Meanwhile, DenBro will collide with Space Lords.

Jared Goff was probably in Coach Brad Householder's doghouse after last week's 8 point 'performance'. He might be let out now. Goff led the way as Space Lords got past Big Tex's Pillow Biters without much trouble, winning 73 to 58. His 29 points were the most that any quarterback collected this week. He (now tied for most passing TDs this season) went 26 out of 39 for 378 yards and four touchdowns on Sunday despite missing several key receivers due to injury.

Space Lords also got a good performance from the Giants Defense/ST, who scored 16 points. After their performance this week, the Giants are looking like a darn good waiver wire pickup.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coach William Hayes to fault any one player for the loss. Big Tex's Pillow Biters had five underperformers, with Kirk Cousins (8 points) being the worst.1 Bad performances are pretty common these days for Cousins, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games. Another underperformer, tight end Mark Andrews, was the worst at his position this week.

Despite the loss, Big Tex's Pillow Biters had three standouts, with Greg Joseph, Deebo Samuel, and Breece Hall totaling 39 points. Joseph scored 18 points, which topped all but one kicker so far this season.

The result gets both squads back to a .500 record at 2 - 2.

Next week, Space Lords will take on the 1 - 3 DenBro. As for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, they will square off against Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

Coach Chris Crowder looked like he was trying to give away this game with his lineup decisions, but the team just wouldn't quit. Homesick Abortions earned a nice victory over Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, winning 75 to 67. The 75 points that Homesick Abortions dropped were the most they scored so far this year.

With the win, they moved to 3 - 1, good for the top spot in the West Side division. The loss drops Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum to the last spot in the West Side division at 1 - 3.

Homesick Abortions had the good fortune of having the league's best player this week in T.J. Hockenson.1 Homesick Abortions relied heavily on Hockenson, who racked up 22 points. He secured eight out of 12 targets and finished Sunday’s game with 179 receiving yards, almost half of which came from this incredible 81 yard catch and run.

Homesick Abortions also got the benefit of the 4th straight game that Daniel Carlson exceeded his expectations. Although Coach Crowder got the win, he cannot have been happy with Tua Tagovailoa's performance this week. Tagovailoa failed to show up, scoring zero points. He is out of the hospital following his frightening injury on Thursday, but his return is still uncertain.

Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum had a very balanced lineup, but it was balanced at too low of a level. Kyler Murray topped the quarterback average by 4.8 points to lead the team, while Stefon Diggs fell only 3 points short of the average WR in bringing up the rear.

Coach Crowder might have gotten the victory this week, but it wasn't due to his efforts. He started Javonte Williams instead of Josh Jacobs, despite the experts' prediction that Jacobs should have played. This decision took a 19 point chunk out of Homesick Abortions' final score, which--thankfully for Coach Crowder--didn't matter much this game.

Next week will see Homesick Abortions taking on the 2 - 2 Alcoholniks. Homesick Abortions will face off against Lamar Jackson in that game, part of a three game stretch against tough quarterbacks which will see them take on Jared Goff and Josh Allen in the following weeks. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will take on Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week.

After yet another victory, we here at Fantasy Journalist now officially apologize to Coach Micah Russell for our disapproving draft report. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train crushed Zombie Werewolves, winning 86 to 49. Blowouts are nothing new to Coach Russell, since Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train has been involved in the most blowout games of anybody in league so far.

The win brings Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train to 3 - 1, a far cry from where we expected after we pegged them as the 2nd worst team coming out of the draft. The loss drops Zombie Werewolves' record to 2 - 2.

Coach Russell put J.K. Dobbins into the lineup for the first time, and he came through. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had all (well, most) hands on deck in this win, with seven players beating their positional averages. Dobbins was the best of the bunch, recording 15 points.1

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train also got a big effort from the Eagles Defense/ST (6.2 points above expected). The Eagles' 14 point performance this week moves them up to being the best Defense/ST in the league this season.

The game would have been an even bigger blowout if Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had Miles Sanders and his 19 points in the starting lineup. Sanders did better than any player actually in Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's starting lineup this week.

Meanwhile, the loss for Zombie Werewolves came down to a pretty simple factor: they didn't go anywhere. Collectively, they only managed to gain 339 yards rushing and receiving. No other team gained fewer total yards this week. Gabe Davis and Drake London were double trouble in that category for Zombie Werewolves, together posting only 30 total yards.

Zombie Werewolves will face off against Pinko Commie Bastards next week. Zombie Werewolves have now been the favorite in both their last two games, and failed to perform both times. The experts might not give them the benefit of the doubt in their next one. As for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, they will match up with The Brainers next week.

Things were lining up pretty well for Alcoholniks coming into this one. They had scored the most points of any team this season, while The Brainers came into the game on a three game losing streak. But then, this is why they play the game.

The Brainers gave Alcoholniks a 66 to 43 drubbing. The win is the first of the season for The Brainers, making their record 1 - 3.

Austin Ekeler separated himself from the rest of the crew on The Brainers, tallying 23 points. That performance was good for 2nd place among all players this week.1

Tom Brady helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 6.7 points. Brady had more passing attempts, completions, and yards than any other player on Sunday, going 39 out of 52 for 385 yards.

Coach Nick Claeboe had to be extra disappointed in certain underperformers this week. Otherwise high performing players Lamar Jackson and James Robinson combined to score 7 points. Jackson hopefully has some credit left over from last week's 33 point performance.

Jackson and Robinson were joined by three other underperformers, including D.J. Moore, who scored only 2 points. Alcoholniks only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with the Cowboys Defense/ST scoring 10 points.2

Next week, Alcoholniks will be playing Homesick Abortions. Meanwhile, The Brainers will be playing Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train.

In a week that featured three blowouts, this was the biggest. Zombie Werewolves (3 - 2) perfectly destroyed Pinko Commie Bastards (3 - 2), winning 93 to 36. The 57 point margin that separated these teams represents the biggest blowout of the season so far.

The 93 points that Zombie Werewolves scored were the most they scored this year, just one week after setting their season low. On the other side of the coin, Pinko Commie Bastards' 36 points were the low score for the league this week.

Gabe Davis was the clear leader on Zombie Werewolves, racking up 22 points. That was the most that any wide receiver collected this week. He only caught three of his six targets on Sunday, but made the most of them with this incredible 98 yard touchdown to open the game.

Zombie Werewolves also got a better-than-expected performance from Derrick Henry, who beat his projections by 10.2 points. King Henry's 18 point performance this week moves him up to being the 2nd best running back in the league this season.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Pinko Commie Bastards this week. Christian McCaffrey paced the team by beating the average running back by 2.5 points, while Tee Higgins (5.7 points worse than the average wide receiver) was the worst on the team. Higgins' zero points made him the worst starter on his team for the 2nd time this season.

Coach Erran Yearty's lineup matched the poor performance of his team. He went with Devin Singletary over the higher ranked Kareem Hunt.

This decision cost Pinko Commie Bastards a total of 6 points, which ultimately didn't make a difference in the final outcome. Coach Yearty has now cost his team points in both of the last two weeks.

Both teams have good news in the upcoming schedule. The schedule for Zombie Werewolves brings Alcoholniks around next week. That team will limp into next week's game having posted less than 55 points each of the last two weeks. The contest will be a rematch from week three, when Zombie Werewolves lost 67 to 63.

Ratings might be a little low when Pinko Commie Bastards takes on The Brainers next week, as the matchup will feature the two teams in the league that have scored the fewest points so far. Both teams come into that game licking their wounds after getting thoroughly knocked around by their opponents.

'The thrill is gone'--at least when it comes to Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's recent games. The previous three games were blowouts, and this week's action was no different. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train destroyed The Brainers, winning 94 to 57. With those 94 points, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had the most points in the league for the 2nd straight week.

The victory makes it three in a row for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, bringing their record to 4 - 1. The loss drops The Brainers' record to 1 - 4.

Coach Micah Russell used their first pick on Travis Kelce, while Coach Chuck Rittenhouse used his first pick on Ja'Marr Chase. Unfortunately for The Brainers, that pretty much told the story of this game. For Travis Kelce's part, he produced 25 points for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. That performance was the 2nd best of any player this week.1

On the other hand, Ja'Marr Chase was not living up to his star status, putting up only 2 points. Underperforming is the new normal for Chase, who has gone four straight games without hitting his projected point total.

The rest of Coach Russell's lineup followed Kelce's lead, scoring 69 more points. That group was led by Patrick Mahomes, who scored 26 points. Mahomes continues to show absolutely no effects from missing his former #1 WR target.

It was important for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train to get the win over an easy opponent this week, as its next two games are against winning teams, starting with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. Helping things somewhat, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be without Davante Adams, who has a bye.

In what should be a crawl to the finish, The Brainers will take on Pinko Commie Bastards next week in a battle between the two lowest scoring teams in the league. The game will be a rematch from week two, and Coach Rittenhouse will no doubt be worried that Justin Herbert will drop another 19 points for Pinko Commie Bastards like he did the last time those teams faced off.

By a score of 80 to 66, Big Tex's Pillow Biters walked away victorious over Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum. Big Tex's Pillow Biters set their new high mark for the season with those 80 points.

The loss makes it three in a row for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, which gives them a 1 - 4 record. The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 3 - 2.

Davante Adams was the key contributor for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, dropping 19 points. That was good for 2nd place among all wide receivers this week. After his performance, he moved up to being the 3rd best wide receiver in the league.

Adams got help from four other players, including 15 points from Breece Hall. Hall finished Sunday’s game with 197 all-purpose yards and a rushing touchdown, including this 79 yard dash in which he refused to be taken down.

Joe Mixon has been dead weight throughout Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's losing streak, and this week brought more of the same. Mixon was the worst of five underperformers, notching 3 points.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum also had to deal with a poor effort from the Vikings Defense/ST (8.7 points below expected). The Vikings fell farther short of their expected points than any other player this week.

As far as good performances for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, Nick Chubb stuck out with 18 points. Chubb has now exceeded his points expectations in every game so far this year.

Next week, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will have long odds to win if Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train scores another 94 points, like they did this week. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will get to start the league's hottest player in Travis Kelce.

As for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, they will match up with DenBro next week. DenBro will enter the game with Josh Allen, who has been the best player in the league so far.

The experts predicted that DenBro was going to have the easiest time of any team this week, and that now looks like a good call. They took down Space Lords handily, winning 76 to 55. The 76 points that DenBro scored were the most they scored this year, just one week after setting their season low.

The win brings DenBro's record to 2 - 3, while dropping Space Lords to an identical 2 - 3.

DenBro had a one-man wrecking crew, with Josh Allen totaling 30 points. Allen has now exceeded his points expectations in every game so far this year. He completed 14 out of 23 passes, earned 370 total yards, and threw four touchdowns (in the first half).

Meanwhile, Space Lords really lost this game as a team. They had five underperformers, with Amon-Ra St. Brown (zero points) being the worst. The only real legit performance that Space Lords got came courtesy of Leonard Fournette, who scored 18 points.

Coach Don Zimmerman was no passive bystander in the victory this week, getting every lineup spot right. This is the first time this year that Coach Zimmerman has pulled that off.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. DenBro will face off against Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum next week. Good timing, as Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will come into the matchup on a three game losing streak.

Space Lords' next game is against Homesick Abortions (4 - 1), who has pulverized the league so far. Adding to the difficulty, Space Lords will have to put their running back depth to the test in that one, as Jamaal Williams has his bye week.

Homesick Abortions sent Alcoholniks crying home to mommy after a thorough 71 to 46 spanking. The win brings Homesick Abortions' record to 4 - 1, while dropping Alcoholniks to 2 - 3.

Homesick Abortions won with a balanced effort, as five players outperformed their positional averages. Cooper Kupp was the first among equals, scoring 13 points.1 Kupp has now exceeded the average wide receiver's performance in every game so far this year. Defenders could do nothing to catch him on Sunday, and the Week 5 game was his fourth this year with more than 100 receiving yards.

Homesick Abortions also got a big effort from Daniel Carlson (9.1 points above expected). Carlson's 16 point performance this week moves him up to being the best kicker in the league this season.

The Cowboys Defense/ST did their best to give Alcoholniks a chance to win. The Cowboys scored 20 points, which topped all Defense/STs this week. Unfortunately, for Alcoholniks, they both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.

Alcoholniks had plenty of duds in the loss. They were brought down by six underperformers, the worst of whom was James Robinson (1 point).2

Next week will see Alcoholniks taking on the 3 - 2 Zombie Werewolves. That will be a rematch from week three, when Alcoholniks won 67 to 63. Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions will take on Space Lords.

It wasn't too close for comfort, but it was still pretty close, as Space Lords beat Homesick Abortions 34 to 31. The two teams combined to score the fewest points so far this season.

The win brings Space Lords back to even at 3 - 3. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 4 - 2.

Space Lords got more than half their points from just two players: Leonard Fournette and Kenneth Walker III. It took almost every defender the Cardinals had to stop this epic rush, which helped Walker III finish Sunday’s game with 97 rushing yards on 21 attempts.

Given their low point total, it's not surprising that Space Lords had several underperformers (six to be exact). Cairo Santos was the worst of them, scoring only 1 point.1 Santos might be heading back to the waiver wire after getting picked up before this game.

Meanwhile, the Packers Defense/ST and Eno Benjamin were quite coordinated in their failures for Homesick Abortions. They each notched only 2 points. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for the Packers, who have seen their point total drop in each of the last three weeks. Homesick Abortions were also hurt by the 6th straight game that Matthew Stafford has failed to exceed his expected points.

Homesick Abortions only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Jake Elliott scoring 10 points.

Homesick Abortions will be going against DenBro next week. Homesick Abortions might need a big game to win that matchup, as DenBro comes into the game fresh off a 77 point performance. Meanwhile, Space Lords will take on Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

Pinko Commie Bastards blew out The Brainers in week two. This week, Coach Chuck Rittenhouse got his revenge. The Brainers took everything from Pinko Commie Bastards but the kitchen sink, winning 65 to 30. Blowouts are par for the course for these teams these days. The Brainers has been involved in three straight blowout games, while this is the 5th straight blowout game for Pinko Commie Bastards.

The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards to 3 - 3, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings. The win brings The Brainers to 2 - 4.

The Brainers relied heavily on Ja'Marr Chase, who totaled 19 points. No other wide receiver scored more points than that this week. His (game-winning) 60 yard touchdown dash was his second of the game, which saw him catch 7 passes for 132 yards in all.

Coach Rittenhouse's squad overcame bad performances from three players: Courtland Sutton, Tom Brady, and Matt Gay, who collectively came up with 15 points. That continues a theme for Gay, who is yet to top the average kicker's point total in any week so far.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards had many underperformers, but Justin Herbert stood out, delivering only 2 points.1 That was the 3rd fewest of any quarterback this season. His lack of production certainly wasn't due to a lack of effort, as he threw the ball 57 times on Monday (for all of 238 yards).

Herbert had plenty of company, with Mike Evans (2 points) being the worst of six other underperformers.

The Brainers wasn't just winning on the field this week, but also chalked up a win in the front office. Coach Rittenhouse took a flier on Rhamondre Stevenson and saw him put up a very promising 15 points.

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. The Brainers have a lucky matchup set for next week. They play Alcoholniks, a team currently on a three game losing skid. These two teams squared off in week four, when The Brainers won in a blowout.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will be playing Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will come into the game with some momentum, having posted back-to-back 60+ point games.

Coming into the game, Zombie Werewolves (4 - 2) had scored the second most points of any team over the last three weeks. They didn't knock it out of the park this week, but that wasn't necessary. Coach Patrick jolle's squad ended up well ahead of Alcoholniks (2 - 4), winning 48 to 33. Zombie Werewolves got some measure of revenge on Alcoholniks for their matchup back in week three, when Zombie Werewolves lost 67 to 63.

The 48 points that Zombie Werewolves scored were the fewest they scored this year. Quite a comedown from last week, when Zombie Werewolves scored their highest total. On the other side of the coin, Alcoholniks' 33 points equal the 3rd lowest point total of the year in this league.

Zombie Werewolves were led by the trio of Gabe Davis, the Bills Defense/ST, and Jalen Hurts, who combined for 67% of their team's points. That makes it three straight games where the Bills have outperformed the league average Defense/ST. They have ridden that consistency to become the best Defense/ST in the league.

Marcus Mariota was kept on Zombie Werewolves' bench in the victory, but he didn't let that discourage him, as he went off for 20 points. Mariota did better than any player actually in Zombie Werewolves' starting lineup this week.

Alcoholniks saw seven different players underperform, and while none of them particularly stuck out, Aaron Jones and his 1 point was officially the worst.1 Jones' 1 point made him the worst starter on his team for the 2nd time this season. He has now underperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games.

Lamar Jackson falling 7 points short of his expectations didn't help matters much either. Jackson made several sloppy plays on Sunday: a bad snap forced him to throw an interception and a 4th-quarter fumble ultimately cost him the game. Alcoholniks only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Tyreek Hill scoring 8 points.2

Next week, Zombie Werewolves will take on the 4 - 2 Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. Meanwhile, Alcoholniks will collide with The Brainers.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train came into this match-up riding high on a three game winning streak, but that's all gone now. They suffered a huge loss to Big Tex's Pillow Biters, going down 67 to 46.

The 46 points that Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train scored were the fewest they scored this year. Quite a comedown from last week, when Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train scored their highest total.

With the win, Big Tex's Pillow Biters moved to 4 - 2, good for the top spot in the West Side division. The loss drops Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's record to an identical 4 - 2.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters got a nice group performance in the win, as five players beat their positional averages. Mark Andrews was just a bit ahead of the others, dropping 11 points.1 No surprise there, as he is currently the 3rd best tight end in the league.

Breece Hall helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 6 points. Hall was surrounded by defenders but still managed to bring in this 34 yard touchdown on Sunday, marking his third straight game to score one.

Meanwhile, two players stood out for their poor performance on Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, with J.K. Dobbins and the 49ers Defense/ST combining to score only 2 points. The 49ers' 2 points were the fewest they have scored so far this year. Their performance this week also ended a four game streak of beating the league average.

Coach William Hayes has had the most stable lineup in the league, and this week that stability paid off. He made the right call on every personnel decision. This is the first time all season that Coach Hayes has pulled that off.

The East Side division lead will be at stake when Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train takes on Zombie Werewolves next week. As for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, they will square off against Pinko Commie Bastards. Points were in short supply for that team this week, as they could only scrounge up 30 of them. Big Tex's Pillow Biters have now been an underdog in both the last two weeks, and won both times. Maybe they'll get a bit more credit going into their next one.

This was expected to be a blowout and it was. The surprise was who blew out who. DenBro stomped all over Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum 77 to 57. The 77 points DenBro scored set the high mark for the league this week.

The win brings DenBro to 3 - 3, and sends them to the top of our internal power rankings. This loss brings Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's losing streak to four in a row, dropping their record to 1 - 5.

Josh Allen and Nick Chubb, league-leaders at the quarterback and running back positions, faced off in this one. Only one of them, however, lived up to expectations. Allen did great for DenBro, recording 20 points. He hurdled over a defender to finish Sunday’s game with 329 passing yards, 32 rushing yards, and three touchdowns.

On the flip side, Chubb was not having a typical Nick Chubb week, scoring only 2 points. Chubb's momentum from last week's 18 point performance apparently didn't carry over.

The other players on DenBro had Allen's back, coming up with 57 points. Of that crew, Mike Gesicki led the way with 15 points. Gesicki's performance this week ended a three game streak of failing to hit his projections.

Coach Don Zimmerman's lineup decisions earned their team points last week, and did again this week. They left the Chiefs Defense/ST and Harrison Butker on the bench in favor of the Broncos Defense/ST and Brandon McManus, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions gave DenBro a nice 5 point bonus, which just made the final result that much more embarrassing. Coach Zimmerman ought to take a lesson from the fact that taking risks worked out this week. Their team has a much better record when they bucks the experts' advice for at least one player

DenBro's next game will be against Homesick Abortions in a rematch from week two. DenBro lost the previous matchup, but only by 2 points. DenBro will have to play without Josh Allen, who has a bye week.

Next week Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will take on Space Lords in a battle that features the top two gameday coaches in the league. The game will be a rematch from week two, and Coach Robert Wetzel will no doubt be hoping that Nick Chubb can drop 23 points like he did last time.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum showed off the form that earned them the worst record in the league going into this week. They lost to Space Lords, 51 to 43. The loss is part of bad trend for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, who have scored fewer points than the week before for three straight weeks now.

The defeat is the 5th in a row for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, and puts their record at 1 - 6. The win gets Space Lords above .500 for the first time this year, at 4 - 3.

Kenneth Walker III was the clear leader on Space Lords this week, producing 21 points. Walker III topped all but four players this week with that performance.1 He hit 22.09 MPH on this 74-yard touchdown rush, making him the fastest ball carrier in the NFL so far this season.

Although they got the win, Space Lords had some bad luck in the personnel department. Mike Williams scored a touchdown on Sunday, before an ankle injury removed him from the game.

Meanwhile, Coach Robert Wetzel will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum were brought down by six underperformers, the worst of whom was Ryan Succop (3 points).2 That's the fewest points that he's scored so far this year. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Nick Chubb scoring 10 points.

Next week will see Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum taking on the 5 - 2 Homesick Abortions. The contest will see some top shelf WR play, as Stefon Diggs meets up with Cooper Kupp. As for Space Lords, they will square off against Zombie Werewolves next week.

This contest featured the top performing player this week in Joe Burrow, and not surprisingly, he played on the winning team. Burrow was the key component as Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train demolished Zombie Werewolves, winning 64 to 35. His 501 total yards and four total touchdowns on Sunday make him the first player in NFL history with multiple 500 yard, 4 TD games.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train also got a better-than-expected performance from Wil Lutz, who beat his projections by 4.1 points. That makes it four straight games of overperforming expectations for Lutz. The only real bad apple in Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's orchard this week was Damien Harris, who scored zero points.

Meanwhile, there's no pointing fingers in Zombie Werewolves' loss as they failed all over the place. Matt Ryan was the worst of a seven man group of underperformers, totaling only 5 points.1 Coach Patrick jolle found out why he was available on the waiver wire this week.

Zombie Werewolves did get some solace this week in the form of Justin Tucker, who came up with 13 points. That made him the top performer on Zombie Werewolves for the first time this year.

The win brings Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's record to 5 - 2, while dropping Zombie Werewolves to 4 - 3.

Zombie Werewolves was the hardest test Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will face for a while, as its next three games are against sub .500 teams, starting with The Brainers next week. The Brainers won't have Austin Ekeler available to start in that contest. Next week will feature a mirror image matchup when the 4 - 3 Zombie Werewolves take on the 4 - 3 Space Lords.

Coach Erran Yearty has to be kicking himself for his lineup decisions this week. He started Christian McCaffrey, Michael Pittman, and Chris Godwin despite the fact that every one of them was supposed to be outscored by someone on the bench.

Somehow, each of these decisions ended up being the wrong call. They shaved 10 points from Pinko Commie Bastards' score and cost them the game, as they got beat by Big Tex's Pillow Biters (5 - 2), 54 to 48.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters were led by the trio of Ezekiel Elliott, Robbie Gould, and Breece Hall, who combined for 70% of their team's points. Gould scored 14 points, which is the most he's gotten so far this year. His performance this week also stopped his four game streak of not meeting his projections.

Pinko Commie Bastards had never won when Christian McCaffrey failed to hit his expected points, and that held true again this week. Run CMC was the worst of five underperformers, tallying 2 points.1

Michael Pittman has to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 4 fewer points than he was expected to. Coach Yearty was no doubt hoping for more from Pittman's first venture off the bench.

Coach Yearty certainly can't blame the loss on the Titans Defense/ST, which scored 18 points. The Titans might have found a home after getting picked up off the waiver wire this week.

There's a favorable schedule ahead for both teams. Someone will finally get relief next week when Pinko Commie Bastards and Alcoholniks clash, as they come into the game on three and four game losing streaks, respectively.

Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing DenBro. That team will limp into the contest having posted only 22 points this week. That will be a rematch from week one, when Big Tex's Pillow Biters won by a small (2 point) margin.

There were no cracks in the experts' crystal balls when they predicted that The Brainers would score the most points this week. They thoroughly dominated Alcoholniks, winning 82 to 48. The Brainers have now scored 147 points over the last two weeks, which is quite a turnaround given that they were the lowest scoring team in the league at the beginning of that stretch.

The Brainers are now 3 - 4 after picking up their first back-to-back wins of the season. Another defeat makes it four in a row for Alcoholniks, which leaves them with a 2 - 5 record.

The Brainers had several players step up in the win, as four starters beat their positional averages. Ja'Marr Chase was the best of the bunch, notching 18 points. Chase's performance early on Sunday took him from the 7th best wide receiver to the 3rd best wide receiver in the league.

The Brainers also got the benefit of a 17 point performance from Austin Ekeler. Ekeler carried the ball nine times for a touchdown and caught all 12 (!) of his targets.

Tom Brady provided the only truly sour note for The Brainers this week, as he scored 5 points. TB12 is in the midst of a troubling sequence, having seen his point total fall every week for the last three weeks.

Lamar Jackson's performance has been one of the main reasons that Alcoholniks has been on a losing streak, and this week was a case in point. Jackson was the main culprit in Alcoholniks' loss, scoring only 4 points.1 He fell farther short of his expected points than any other player this week. He only threw for 120 yards and failed to score a touchdown on Sunday, which was his second sub-200-yard game of the season.

It was important for The Brainers to get the victory this week, as Alcoholniks will be the easiest game they will face for a while. The next three games are against winning teams, starting with Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train next week. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train brings in the best player in the league over the past three weeks: Joe Burrow. Meanwhile, someone will finally get relief next week when Alcoholniks and Pinko Commie Bastards clash, as they come into the game on four and three game losing streaks, respectively.

It's probably been tough for Coach Don Zimmerman to stay awake while following their recent games. The last three games have been blowouts, and this week was just more of the same. DenBro were left in ruins, losing 64 to 22 to Homesick Abortions. In addition to losing the game, Coach Zimmerman had the distinction of posting the worst score in the league so far this season.

The loss drops DenBro back below .500 at 3 - 4. The win was Homesick Abortions' 3rd in their last four games, bringing their record to 5 - 2.

Josh Jacobs separated himself from the rest of the crew on Homesick Abortions, scoring 25 points. That set the new high mark for all running backs this season. In his third consecutive game to rush more than 150 yards, Jacobs rushed the ball for 155 yards and three touchdowns on Sunday.

DenBro, meanwhile, were having a terrible time moving the ball down the field, with the whole team gaining only 194 yards. That's the worst result that any team this season has had in the total yards category. Coach Zimmerman can look to A.J. Dillon and Clyde Edwards-Helaire when passing out blame for the poor performance in that category. The two combined to gain only 47 total yards.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. Losing to a good team better not become a pattern for DenBro, as its next three games are also against winning teams, starting with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. That contest will be a rematch from week one, when DenBro finished only 2 points behind.

As for Homesick Abortions, they will match up with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum. That squad is in the middle of a five game losing streak. The game will be a rematch from week four, when T.J. Hockenson went off for 22 points.

After losing last week while scoring their lowest point total for the year, Coach Patrick jolle were no doubt looking for a solid performance from their squad this week. Well, Zombie Werewolves (5 - 3) responded, scoring their highest point total for the season. They pounded Space Lords (4 - 4) into submission, winning 103 to 43. That 60 point win is the biggest blowout so far this season.

Zombie Werewolves not only got the win, but posted the 2nd highest scoring game of the year. On the other side of the coin, Space Lords' 43 points were the low score for the league this week.

Zombie Werewolves have been relying on Jalen Hurts all year, and he came through again this week. Hurts teamed up with Derrick Henry to post 47 points. Hurts alone scored 25 points, which were the most that any quarterback collected this week. After his performance, he moved up to being the 4th best player in the league.

Zombie Werewolves also got a big effort from DeAndre Hopkins (6.2 points above expected). Hopkins caught 12 of his 13 targets for 159 receiving yards on Sunday, plus this incredible one-handed touchdown snag.

Meanwhile, Daniel Jones loomed large in the loss for Space Lords, delivering 4 points.1 Coach Brad Householder didn't do their team any favors by starting Allen Robinson against the experts' advice. Robinson contributed only 2 points. Space Lords only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with the Falcons Defense/ST scoring 8 points.2

Next week will see Zombie Werewolves taking on the 4 - 4 Brainers. Bad timing for Zombie Werewolves, as The Brainers will come into the matchup on a three game winning streak.

As for Space Lords, they will take on DenBro in a battle of two 4 - 4 teams. The game will be a rematch from week five, and Coach Householder needs to be concerned about Josh Allen, who scored 30 points for DenBro the last time these two teams met.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters came into this week's match-up on a three-game win streak, but DenBro put an end to that, winning 72 to 60. DenBro were able to give Big Tex's Pillow Biters some payback for their week one matchup, when DenBro lost in a heartbreaker, 62 to 60.

DenBro improve to 4 - 4 after winning three out of their last four games. The loss drops Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 5 - 3.

DenBro had never lost when A.J. Brown overperformed his expectations, and that held true again this week. Brown made it rain for DenBro, notching 25 points. No other player scored more points than that this week. He caught six passes, three of which were for touchdowns, and he let the defense know after his third.

Coach Don Zimmerman's squad won despite bad games from Michael Carter, Brandon McManus, and Brandin Cooks, who together posted 8 points.

Meanwhile, Coach William Hayes will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. Big Tex's Pillow Biters had six underperformers, with Davante Adams (zero points) being the worst. Adams had to have given the most disappointing performance, having been projected to score 9.6 points. He only caught one of his five targets for an underwhelming three yards, making Sunday’s game the second-worst of his nine-year NFL career.

Another underperformer, Big Tex's Pillow Biters' defense (the Buccaneers), were the worst at their position this week.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters and Homesick Abortions play next week in a battle for the West Side division lead. Homesick Abortions lost this week, and will be looking to avoid their first back-to-back losses. Meanwhile, DenBro will take on Space Lords next week.

Jaylen Waddle had been fairly quiet since week two's performance, but finally awoke from his slumber this week. The Brainers just edged by Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, winning 70 to 68 behind 17 points from Waddle. His performance this week ended a five game streak of failing to hit his projections. He caught all but one of the nine passes he was targeted for on Sunday, finishing the game with 106 receiving yards and two touchdowns (with a very appropriate griddy afterwards).

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse also helped out his own cause by going against the experts and starting the Patriots Defense/ST, who scored 10 points.

Meanwhile, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had a very balanced lineup, but it was balanced at too low of a level. The Eagles Defense/ST topped the Defense/ST average by 6.9 points to lead the team, while Irv Smith fell only 2.6 points short of the average TE in bringing up the rear.

The Brainers have now won three games in a row, which brings their record to 4 - 4. The loss drops Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's record to 5 - 3.

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. Coach Rittenhouse should hope that the victory over a quality opponent like Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train establishes a pattern, as his next two games are against winning teams, starting with Zombie Werewolves next week. Coach Patrick jolle's team will come into the game with some momentum, having posted 103 points this week.

Meanwhile, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will collide with Pinko Commie Bastards. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train might be feeling pretty confident about that game, as Pinko Commie Bastards limps in on a four game losing streak. These two teams squared off in week three, when Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train won easily.

Hopefully Coach Nick Claeboe has been able to find excitement in the non-fantasy parts of his life. After last week's blowout, he was involved in another no-doubter this week. Alcoholniks made it look easy against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 82 to 54. With the win, Alcoholniks put an end to their four game losing streak.

The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards to the last spot in the East Side division at 3 - 5. The win brings Alcoholniks to an identical 3 - 5.

Alvin Kamara was the key contributor for Alcoholniks, notching 25 points. Kamara's performance this week ended a five game streak of failing to perform at a league average level. He ended his touchdown drought in a big way on Sunday, earning his first touchdown this season with a three yard rush and going on to score two more through the air.

The game would have been an even bigger blowout if Coach Claeboe had put D.J. Moore (14 points) in the lineup. Moore has been making his case to start recently, having scored 23 points over the past two weeks.

Although they took the loss, Pinko Commie Bastards got a big game from Christian McCaffrey. Run CMC contributed a 23 point performance, which was good for 5th place among all players this week.1 Unfortunately for Pinko Commie Bastards, he was the only player on the whole team that had a legit good performance.

Coach Erran Yearty can blame the loss on Trevor Lawrence, Jonathan Taylor, and Evan McPherson, who together managed only 5 points. Lawrence plunked down a 3 point performance, which was worse than every other player this week.2 He only earned 133 yards on Sunday (averaging 4.3 yards per attempt) and a single touchdown, but threw two interceptions, one of which cost them the game.

The schedule for Alcoholniks brings Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum around next week. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will have to put their running back depth to the test in that one, as Nick Chubb has his bye week.

Pinko Commie Bastards' next game will be against Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train in a rematch from week three. Pinko Commie Bastards ended up getting crushed in the previous matchup by 31 points. The contest will see Taysom Hill taking on Travis Kelce in a battle between the top two tight ends in the league.

'We can build on this.' Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, who stumbled into week eight with the worst record in the league, better hope so. They strolled past Homesick Abortions, winning 74 to 54. The victory ended Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's five game losing streak.

The win brings Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's record to 2 - 6, while dropping Homesick Abortions to 5 - 3.

Nick Chubb led a very balanced group of five overperformers for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum this week, producing 19 points. That's all in a day's work for the best running back in the league.

Kyler Murray helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 5 points. Murray's three touchdown passes and 326 passing yards on Sunday were both season highs, but still not enough to snag a win for the Cardinals.

Although Coach Robert Wetzel got the win, they cannot have been happy with Joe Mixon's performance this week. Mixon failed to show up, scoring 2 points. Coach Wetzel have to be used to bad scores from Mixon, who has been the worst performer on Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum more times than any other player.

Daniel Carlson was expected to be the best K this week, but ended up being the worst. Carlson and Josh Jacobs combined to put up 2 points for Homesick Abortions. Carlson's zero point performance made him the worst performer on Homesick Abortions for the first time this year.

Softening the loss a bit, Homesick Abortions looks like they may have found a real player off the discard pile. Coach Chris Crowder picked up D'Onta Foreman off the waiver wire and saw him score 25 points (on the bench, but still).

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will face off against Alcoholniks next week. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will have to play without Nick Chubb, who has a bye week. As for Homesick Abortions, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week.

This matchup was a heat check for both these squads. Zombie Werewolves had scored the second most points of any team over the last three weeks, while The Brainers had scored the most points of any team. The Brainers were the team that rose up to the challenge.

The Brainers got past Zombie Werewolves without much trouble, winning 83 to 65. The win makes it four in a row for The Brainers, giving them a record of 5 - 4. The loss drops Zombie Werewolves' record to an identical 5 - 4.

The Brainers relied heavily on the Patriots Defense/ST, who notched 22 points. The Patriots' performance early on Sunday took them from the 4th best Defense/ST to the best Defense/ST in the league.

The Patriots were joined by four other overperformers, including Travis Etienne, who delivered 17 points. This touchdown was Etienne's second of the day, making Sunday’s game his first with more than one.

The Brainers overcame bad performances from three players: Tom Brady, Terry McLaurin, and Gerald Everett, who collectively came up with 13 points. Coach Chuck Rittenhouse has to be used to bad scores from Brady, who has been the worst performer on The Brainers more times than any other player.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coach Patrick jolle to fault any one player for the loss. Gabe Davis was the worst of a four man group of underperformers on Zombie Werewolves, notching only 1 point. This is the 2nd time this year that he was the worst starter on his team.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. Next week, Zombie Werewolves will be playing DenBro. That team is not coming in very hot, after finishing this week with only 43 points.

Meanwhile, The Brainers will take on Homesick Abortions. That battle (featuring Cooper Kupp for Homesick Abortions) will be the first of a three straight games against tough wide receivers (Stefon Diggs and Davante Adams are on the schedule in the following weeks).

Homesick Abortions didn't have too many spare points in their win against Big Tex's Pillow Biters, taking this one 58 to 54. Homesick Abortions got some retribution on Big Tex's Pillow Biters for their game in week three, when Homesick Abortions were defeated 64 to 56.

With the win, Homesick Abortions moved to 6 - 3, good for the top spot in the West Side division. Big Tex's Pillow Biters are now 5 - 4 after suffering their first back-to-back losses of the season.

Cooper Kupp has been coming through for Homesick Abortions all year, and this week was no different. Kupp teamed up with Tua Tagovailoa and Justin Jefferson to provide 78% of Homesick Abortions' points. No surprise there, as Kupp is currently the 2nd best wide receiver in the league. He earned 128 total yards on Sunday, more than half of which came from this 69-yard touchdown.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters lost despite the prodigious efforts of Davante Adams. Adams scored 19 points, which topped all wide receivers this week. Unfortunately, for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, he both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.

Devin Singletary and D'Andre Swift put a big hurt on Big Tex's Pillow Biters' chances this week, delivering only 4 points between them. That makes it seven straight games where Singletary has underperformed the league average running back.

Homesick Abortions better ride the momentum they gained after winning this week's big game against Big Tex's Pillow Biters, because it isn't getting any easier for them over the next two weeks, starting with a game against The Brainers. The Brainers comes into the match on a four game winning streak.

Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will collide with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will have to put their tight end depth to the test in that one, as Mark Andrews has his bye week.

Space Lords got this win with a little bit in reserve, earning a 52 to 43 victory over DenBro. With the win, Space Lords have now won three out of their last four games, bringing their record to 5 - 4. The loss drops DenBro back below .500 at 4 - 5.

Kenneth Walker III separated himself from the rest of the crew on Space Lords, producing 18 points. Walker III has now overperformed the experts' predictions in five straight games. Walker III, in his rookie season, has more fourth-quarter touchdowns than any other NFL player this season.

There were five underperformers keeping Space Lords from a proper victory, with Leonard Fournette (2 points) being the worst of them.1 Coach Brad Householder have to be used to bad scores from Fournette, who has been the worst performer on Space Lords more times than any other player.

Meanwhile, DenBro can place the blame for this loss squarely on Clyde Edwards-Helaire, who scored no points.2 That made Edwards-Helaire the worst starter this week. He was held to only 19 yards on Sunday, by far his worst performance of the season so far.

DenBro only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with A.J. Brown scoring 8 points.3

This is the first time this year that Coach Householder have had the same lineup in back-to-back games, and they might want to make it the last. They went with Allen Robinson over the higher ranked Tyler Lockett.

This terrible decision took a 8 point chunk out of Space Lords' final score, and makes it back-to-back weeks now where Coach Householder have cost their team points.

Ratings might be a little low when Space Lords takes on Pinko Commie Bastards next week, as the matchup will feature the two teams in the league that have scored the fewest points. That said, Pinko Commie Bastards will get to slot Justin Fields into the lineup, who has been the best player in the league over the past three weeks. As for DenBro, they will match up with Zombie Werewolves next week.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum had the 3rd best running backs coming into this game, and they came through for Coach Robert Wetzel once again. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum ran their way to a 108 to 39 win over Alcoholniks. Joe Mixon scored 39 points, while Cordarrelle Patterson scored 14. Mixon's 39 point performance was the best of any player this season.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum also got a better-than-expected performance from Dallas Goedert, who beat his projections by 6.2 points. Goedert only missed one of his nine targets for an even 100 yards (and this clean touchdown) on Thursday.

Alcoholniks had never won when Alvin Kamara failed to hit his expected points, and that held true again this week. Aaron Jones, Kamara, and Tyler Boyd were all working off the same playbook this week, each delivering only 2 points for Alcoholniks. Kamara must have gotten tired from racking up 25 points last week.

Adding to their problems, Alcoholniks' kicker, Mike Badgley, was the worst at his position this week. Tyreek Hill was the only player on the team that didn't underperform, scoring 13 points.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum got their first back-to-back wins of the season, bringing their record to 3 - 6.

Coach Wetzel can't let their team get overconfident, as they face much tougher competition over the next three weeks than they did in their win against Alcoholniks this week, starting with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. That contest will be a rematch from week five, when Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum lost 80 to 66.

Meanwhile, Alcoholniks will be playing Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. The game will be a rematch from week two, and Coach Nick Claeboe will no doubt be hoping that Aaron Jones can drop 19 points like he did last time.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train came into the game as the biggest favorite this week and proceeded to make the experts look good. They ended up on top against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 58 to 52. The win is more of the same for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, who won the last game with Pinko Commie Bastards by the score of 65 to 34.

The loss is the 5th straight for Pinko Commie Bastards, putting their record at 3 - 6. The win brings Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train to 6 - 3.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train didn't have any huge performances this week, but also didn't have anybody who really dropped the ball. Patrick Mahomes paced the team by beating the average quarterback by 8.5 points, while Jakobi Meyers (5.3 points worse than the average wide receiver) was the worst on the team. Showtime's 22 point performance this week moves him up to being the 2nd best player in the league this season. He racked up 509 total yards on Sunday, and this first-down rush proves he earned every one.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards' troubles were largely due to having developed an allergy to the end zone. All their starters combining for only one touchdown. Pinko Commie Bastards were practicing their manners as they put every other team ahead of themselves in the TotTDScored category this week. Khalil Herbert was clearly the weakest link for Coach Erran Yearty and the gang as he posted 0 TDs.

Coach Russell's gameday decisions have been some of the best in the league this season, and this week showed why. They followed the experts' advice for each position and ended up with a perfect lineup. This is the first time all year that Coach Russell has pulled that off.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's next game will be against Alcoholniks in a rematch from week two. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train was run off the field in the previous matchup, losing by 51 points. Alcoholniks won't have Lamar Jackson available to start in next week's contest.

As for Pinko Commie Bastards, they will square off against Space Lords. The game might wind up as a crawl to the finish, as it features the two lowest scoring teams in the league.

Coach Erran Yearty really needed someone to lend him a hand and help end his five game losing streak. Coach Brad Householder were only too happy to help. Pinko Commie Bastards wound up with a solid victory margin against Space Lords, winning 76 to 70. The 76 points that Pinko Commie Bastards dropped were the most they scored so far this year.

The win brings Pinko Commie Bastards' record to 4 - 6, while dropping Space Lords to 5 - 5.

Justin Fields was the clear leader on Pinko Commie Bastards this week, putting up 32 points. That was the most that any quarterback collected this week. This amazing touchdown was just one of the four he scored on Sunday, becoming the first QB in history to rush for 140+ yards in back-to-back games in the process.

Pinko Commie Bastards also got the 2nd highest running back score this week via Jonathan Taylor, who recorded 14 points. Coach Yearty's squad won despite bad games from JuJu Smith-Schuster, Mike Evans, and Taysom Hill, who together scored 3 points. It's yet another disappointing day for Evans, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in six straight games.

Meanwhile, Kenneth Walker III hadn't dropped the ball for Space Lords since week four's stinker. Well, that run has come to an end. Walker III stuck out as the worst performer for Space Lords, tallying only 2 points. His performance this week ended a five game streak of beating the experts' projections.

The four overperformers on Coach Householder's squad did their part to balance things out (and then some). Cole Kmet was the best of them, scoring 16 points. After his performance this week, Kmet is looking like a darn good waiver wire pickup.

The loss this week certainly wasn't Coach Householder's fault. They started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, Kmet, worked out. The other pick, Geno Smith, did not.

Overall, these moves gave Space Lords an extra 14 points . The good decision is just more of the same for Coach Householder, whose gameday decisions have been some of the best in the league this season.

Next week, Pinko Commie Bastards will take on the 6 - 4 Zombie Werewolves. The game will be a rematch from week five, and Coach Yearty will hope to avoid Derrick Henry dropping another 18 points for Zombie Werewolves this time.

Meanwhile, Space Lords will collide with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. That will be a rematch from week four, when Space Lords won 73 to 58.

Zombie Werewolves earned a pretty comfortable victory over DenBro, winning 53 to 39. Zombie Werewolves were lucky to win this one given their point total, but they were due for a little luck, having lost last week despite putting up a solid score.

The loss drops DenBro to 4 - 6, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings. The win brings Zombie Werewolves to 6 - 4.

Zombie Werewolves had a two man team in Gabe Davis and Jalen Hurts, who together came up with 53% of Zombie Werewolves' points. That's all in a day's work for Hurts, who is the 3rd best quarterback in the league.

Zombie Werewolves got the win despite leaving Christian Kirk and his 17 points on the bench. Kirk did better than any player actually in Zombie Werewolves' starting lineup this week.1

DenBro are bound to have a hard time winning when Josh Allen has a bad week, and that's just what happened. Allen was the worst of seven underperformers, totaling 9 points.2

DenBro also had to deal with a bad performance from A.J. Brown, who scored exactly zero points. He was probably the biggest let down this week, since he was projected to put up 9.2 points.

DenBro did get some solace this week in the form of Dalvin Cook, who came up with 13 points. Cook rushed for 119 yards on Sunday, most of which came from this incredible 81-yard touchdown rush.

Both teams have good news in the upcoming schedule. Zombie Werewolves' victory over a struggling team bodes well for the squad, as its upcoming schedule doesn't get any harder. The next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Pinko Commie Bastards next week. That game will see both of this week's top running backs square off, when James Conner matches up against Jonathan Taylor.

Meanwhile, DenBro will take on Alcoholniks next week. Alcoholniks won't have Tyreek Hill available to start in that contest.

This game was expected to be close. Homesick Abortions found those expectations insulting. They crushed The Brainers, winning 64 to 45. With the win, Homesick Abortions put an end to The Brainers' four-game win streak.

The win brings Homesick Abortions' record to 7 - 3, while dropping The Brainers to 5 - 5.

Justin Jefferson was the key contributor for Homesick Abortions, dropping 15 points.1 Homesick Abortions also got a big effort from Tua Tagovailoa (6.6 points above expected). Tagovailoa threw for 285 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions on Sunday, becoming the first player in NFL history to earn a 135+ passer rating in three straight games.

Homesick Abortions overcame bad performances from three players: Cooper Kupp, the Raiders Defense/ST, and Daniel Carlson, who collectively came up with 5 points. Kupp left Sunday’s game in the fourth quarter after suffering an ankle injury, at which point he had only secured three receptions for -1 yards.

The Brainers had never won when Austin Ekeler failed to hit his expected points, and that held true again this week. Ekeler and Jerry Jeudy gave The Brainers 2 and zero points, respectively. Ekeler's performance this week broke his five game streak of surpassing the league average.

Next week will feature a mirror image matchup as the 7 - 3 Homesick Abortions will take on the 7 - 3 Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. The game will be a clash of the titans, as those are the two top teams in the league. As for The Brainers, they will match up with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

It wasn't anything to write home about, but Big Tex's Pillow Biters got the victory against Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, winning 58 to 54. The win must seem like deja vu for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, who won the last game with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum by a 80 to 66 margin. The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 6 - 4, while dropping Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum to 3 - 7.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters had three players lead the way, with Davante Adams, Robbie Gould, and Tony Pollard delivering 33 points. No surprise there, as Adams is currently the 2nd best wide receiver in the league. He caught nine targets for 126 yards on Sunday and dodged the Colts defense for this 48 yard rushing touchdown.

The only real damper on Big Tex's Pillow Biters' victory came from the Browns Defense/ST, who scored 1 point.

Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum had many underperformers, but Cordarrelle Patterson stood out, dropping zero points. That was fewer than every other player this week. The five carries, 18 rushing yards and two receiving yards he earned on Thursday were all season lows for the veteran running back.

Coach William Hayes has had the most stable lineup in the league, but that consistency wasn't helpful this week. Perhaps scared off by Devin Singletary's 2 point performance last week, Coach Hayes left him on the bench in favor of D'Andre Swift, despite the experts' prediction that Singletary should have played.

This decision cost Big Tex's Pillow Biters a total of 6 points, which--thankfully for Coach Hayes--didn't matter much this game. He has now cost his team points in both of the last two weeks.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be going against Space Lords next week. These two teams squared off in week four, when Big Tex's Pillow Biters lost 73 to 58. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will be playing The Brainers.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train didn't give Alcoholniks a chance this week, blowing past them 59 to 41. The win was Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's 3rd in their last four games, bringing their record to 7 - 3. The loss drops Alcoholniks to the last spot in the East Side division at 3 - 7.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had never lost when Travis Kelce overperformed his expectations, and that held true again this week. The rest of Coach Micah Russell's team were basically spectating, as Patrick Mahomes, Tyler Bass, and Kelce combined for 81% of Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's points. Kelce has now outperformed the league average tight end for seven straight games. He earned 81 yards on Sunday and scored this easy touchdown after being left undefended for only a moment.

This week's loss for Alcoholniks was a true group effort. They were brought down by six underperformers, the worst of whom was Alvin Kamara (1 point). Kamara has now been the worst starter on his team three times this season.

Alcoholniks also had to deal with a poor effort from D.J. Moore (4.2 points below expected). Moore's first reception was for 20 yards, but he only managed to catch three more passes and finished the game with only 29 total yards. Alcoholniks only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Tyreek Hill scoring 8 points.1

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. Next week Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will be involved in a clash of the titans. They will take on Homesick Abortions in a matchup of the two top records in the league. Both coaches on Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train and Homesick Abortions might be feeling a bit cocky heading into the game, having easily dispatched their opponents this week.

As for Alcoholniks, they will square off against DenBro next week. That team can't be feeling too confident after scoring less than 45 points each of the last two weeks. They will have to play without Tyreek Hill, who has a bye week.

The week was a successful one for Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, and nobody deserves more credit than Coach Robert Wetzel. They left Garrett Wilson and Cordarrelle Patterson on the bench in favor of Chris Olave and Joe Mixon, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions netted Coach Wetzel an extra 15 points and were the difference in the game, as Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum (4 - 7) made it past The Brainers (5 - 6), winning 65 to 62.

When Coach Wetzel entertained thoughts of winning this game, they probably didn't include the three players that ended up leading the way. Olave and Chase McLaughlin both scored 12 points, while Dak Prescott contributed 16. Olave's performance this week stopped his three game streak of not meeting his projections. More than half of his 102 yards on Sunday came from this crazy 53-yard touchdown.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum won despite bad games from Nick Chubb, Joe Mixon, and Tyler Higbee, who together racked up 7 points. This is the first time this year that Chubb has been the worst starter on his team.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse put Russell Wilson into the Brainers lineup for the first time this week, but Wilson might want to keep his bench warming pants clean. Wilson loomed large in the loss for The Brainers, recording 4 points.1 He has now failed to top the league average quarterback in five straight games.

Saquon Barkley falling 8.6 points short of his expectations didn't help matters much either. SaQuads' 1 point was the fewest he has scored this year.

Next week will see Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum taking on the 7 - 4 Zombie Werewolves. The matchup will feature the two top RB's in the league, as Nick Chubb meets up with Derrick Henry.

As for The Brainers, they will square off against Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. The Brainers will come into the next game having lost their last two. It's a big change from two weeks ago, when The Brainers had won their 4th game in a row.

Coming into the game, DenBro had scored the fewest points of any team over the last three weeks. True to form, they scored practically nothing this week. Alcoholniks destroyed DenBro, winning 72 to 35. With those 35 points, DenBro were last in the league for the 2nd straight week.

The defeat puts DenBro on a three game losing streak, which gives them a 4 - 7 record. The win brings Alcoholniks to an identical 4 - 7.

Alcoholniks relied heavily on Brett Maher, who dropped 22 points. That performance was good for 4th place among all players this week.1

The Cowboys Defense/ST helped out as well, exceeding their projected point total by 7.8 points. A 15 point day represents another fine effort from the Cowboys, who are currently the 2nd best Defense/ST in the league.

Meanwhile, DenBro had plenty of duds in the loss. Josh Allen was the worst of a seven man group of underperformers, notching only 8 points.2 This is the 2nd time this year that he was the worst starter on his team. Another underperformer, DenBro's defense (the Broncos), were the worst at their position this week.

Harrison Butker was the only player on DenBro that performed above average, and he didn't even do that great, scoring 14 points. That's the most points that he's scored this year.

DenBro will face off against Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train next week. Coach Micah Russell's team just had a huge week, having posted 97 points. As for Alcoholniks, they will match up with Space Lords.

There were several blowouts this week, but none bigger than this one. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train left Homesick Abortions wondering where it all went wrong, winning 97 to 51. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train set their new high mark for the season with those 97 points.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train have now finished off three straight opponents after this win, bringing their record to 8 - 3. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 7 - 4.

Travis Kelce has been the key player throughout Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's winning streak, and came through again this week. Kelce joined up with Tyler Bass and Amari Cooper to tally 63 points. Kelce kicked in a 23 point performance, which topped all players this week.1 He earned 115 yards and three touchdowns, making Sunday’s game his 33rd with more than 100 receiving yards (an NFL record for tight ends).

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train overcame bad performances from three players: Kadarius Toney, Miles Sanders, and Kenyan Drake, who collectively came up with 4 points. Toney was only targeted once before leaving Sunday’s game with a hamstring injury (again), leaving him questionable for next week’s game.

Meanwhile, T.J. Hockenson, Justin Jefferson, and D'Onta Foreman each failed to come up with more than 1 point for Homesick Abortions this week. Bad performances are pretty common these days for Hockenson, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in five straight games. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for Hockenson, who has seen his point total drop in each of the last three weeks.

Coach Chris Crowder's gameday decisions have been the worst in the league this season, and this week showed why. He started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, D'Onta Foreman, worked out. The other pick, the Panthers Defense/ST, did not.

Overall, these moves cost Homesick Abortions a total of 8 points. Coach Crowder has now cost his team points in both of the last two weeks.

Next week will see Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train taking on the 4 - 7 DenBro. Good timing, as DenBro will come into the matchup on a three game losing streak.

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions will take on Pinko Commie Bastards. Both teams will enter that game trying to recover from the beatings they each took this week.

It wasn't a dominating performance, but it was a win. Space Lords took down Big Tex's Pillow Biters 72 to 68. The win is part of a larger trend for Space Lords. In each of the last three weeks they have scored more points than the week before.

The win gets Space Lords back above .500 at 6 - 5. The loss was Big Tex's Pillow Biters' 3rd in their last four games, bringing their record to 6 - 5.

Space Lords had a three-man strike force with Najee Harris, Christian Watson, and the Ravens Defense/ST combining for 47 points. Harris' performance this week stopped his three game streak of not meeting the league average. He earned 116 total yards and two touchdowns on Sunday, the first of which saw him leap over a defender to score.

Meanwhile, Kirk Cousins was clearly the weakest link for Coach William Hayes and the gang as he posted zero points. Captain Kirk has now been the worst performing starter in the league over the last three weeks. He was strip-sacked on his first drive, which only set the stage for his mediocre 105 yard, no touchdown game.

Tony Pollard and Davante Adams, scoring 41 points, did their best to make a game of it for Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Adams' performance late on Sunday took him from the 2nd best wide receiver to the best wide receiver in the league.

The outcome of this one would have been different if Coach Hayes had gotten all of his lineup picks right. He went with Devin Singletary over the higher ranked Ezekiel Elliott.

This decision cost Big Tex's Pillow Biters a total of 4 points. If Coach Hayes had left Singletary on the bench and also started Derek Carr, Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won the game.

Next week, Space Lords will be playing Alcoholniks. Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing The Brainers.

The experts predicted this would be a close game. The experts were wrong...big time. Zombie Werewolves gave Pinko Commie Bastards a 72 to 49 drubbing.

Zombie Werewolves improve to 7 - 4 after winning three out of their last four games. The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards to the last spot in the East Side division at 4 - 7.

Zombie Werewolves had never lost when Jamaal Williams overperformed his expectations, and that held true again this week. Williams joined up with Derrick Henry to score 38 points. After Williams' performance this week, he moved up to being the 3rd best running back in the league. Despite battling illness in practice before the game, he scored three touchdowns on Sunday and his 12 rushing scores this season now lead the NFL.

Meanwhile, there were plenty of chefs cooking up this week's loss for Pinko Commie Bastards. They had four underperformers, with Graham Gano (zero points) being the worst. Gano's 0 point performance was the worst of any kicker this week.

Both coaches in this game struggled with lineup decisions. Coach Patrick jolle's gameday decisions have been some of the worst in the league this season, and this week they showed why. They started Justin Tucker instead of Younghoe Koo, despite the experts' prediction that Koo should have played.

This decision shaved 5 points from Zombie Werewolves' score, which ultimately didn't make a difference in the final outcome. It did make it back-to-back weeks now where Coach Jolle have cost their team points.

If Coach Erran Yearty had set a perfect lineup things would have been different. He started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, Justin Fields, worked out. The other pick, the Titans Defense/ST, did not.

Overall, these moves cost Pinko Commie Bastards a total of 4 points. If Coach Yearty had kept Fields in the lineup, left the Titans on the bench, and also started Evan McPherson, Pinko Commie Bastards would have won the game.

The schedule for Zombie Werewolves brings Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum around next week. Zombie Werewolves will have to deal with Nick Chubb in that one, and then follow that up with matchups against fellow top running backs Josh Jacobs and Nick Chubb.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will collide with Homesick Abortions next week. Pinko Commie Bastards will be attempting to give Homesick Abortions their first back-to-back losses.

It's not that hard to win when you have the league's top performer for the week, and Josh Jacobs was that player. Jacobs led the way as Homesick Abortions got the job done against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 83 to 71. His 27 points were the 2nd most of any running back this season. He ran right through the middle to snag a win on this 86-yard touchdown (his second of the day) and finished the game with a staggering 303 total yards.

Homesick Abortions also got a better-than-expected performance from T.J. Hockenson, who beat his projections by 4.2 points. Hockenson's performance this week ended a five game streak of failing to hit his projections.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards had three stooges, with Christian McCaffrey, the Colts Defense/ST, and Mike Evans dropping 5 points. Underperforming is the new normal for Evans, who has gone seven straight games without hitting his projected point total. He saw nine targets on Sunday, but only managed to catch two of them for a mere 31 yards.

With the win, Homesick Abortions have now won three out of their last four games, bringing their record to 8 - 4. The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards' record to 4 - 8.

Two 8 - 4 teams will do battle next week when Homesick Abortions takes on Zombie Werewolves. Unfortunately for Homesick Abortions, Zombie Werewolves are coming into their matchup on a three game winning streak. Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will collide with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum.

Space Lords came into the game on a three game streak of improving their point total. They broke their streak, but still got the W. Coach Brad Householder's boys stomped all over Alcoholniks 70 to 40. That 30 point margin was the biggest gap between any two teams this week.

Alcoholniks are now 4 - 8 after losing three out of their last four games. The win brings Space Lords to 7 - 5.

Space Lords won with a balanced effort, as four players outperformed their positional averages. Christian Watson was the first among equals, notching 12 points.1 That makes it three straight games of overperforming expectations for Watson. He is on quite a hot streak, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks.

Space Lords also got a big effort from Jason Sanders (4.4 points above expected). Sanders scored 13 points, which is the most he's gotten this year.

Alcoholniks really lost this game as a team. They were brought down by seven underperformers, the worst of whom was James Robinson (zero points).2 That made him the worst performer on Alcoholniks for the first time this year. Another underperformer, kicker Brett Maher, was the worst at his position this week.

Alcoholniks only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Aaron Jones scoring 10 points.3

Next week will see Space Lords taking on the 9 - 3 Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will bring the league's top player, Travis Kelce, into the game. As for Alcoholniks, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week.

After knocking Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum out of the playoffs last year, you might expect Zombie Werewolves to give 'em a break this week. Well, they didn't. Zombie Werewolves earned a nice victory over Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum, winning 67 to 60.

The victory makes it three in a row for Zombie Werewolves, which brings their record to 8 - 4. The loss drops Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's record to 4 - 8.

Justin Tucker was expected to be the worst performing K this week, but apparently that was just fuel for the fire. Tucker teamed up with Jalen Hurts and DeAndre Hopkins to provide 67% of Zombie Werewolves' points. Tucker made four of the five kicks he attempted on Sunday, only missing what would have been an NFL-record 67 yard field goal.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum this week. Nick Chubb topped the running back average by 3.7 points to lead the team, while Dak Prescott fell only 3.7 points short of the average QB in bringing up the rear.

A perfect lineup would have given Coach Robert Wetzel a win in this one. They started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, Chase McLaughlin, worked out. The other pick, Dak, did not.

Overall, these moves cost Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum a total of 7 points. If Coach Wetzel had kept McLaughlin in the lineup, left Prescott on the bench, and also started Garrett Wilson, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum would have won the game.

Zombie Werewolves will be going against Homesick Abortions next week. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will take on Pinko Commie Bastards.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had gotten terrible production out their running backs this season (worst in the league), but this week it was a whole different story. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train used a big game from their running backs to take down DenBro 73 to 65. Miles Sanders scored 19 points, while Samaje Perine scored 9. Quite an improvement for Sanders, who last week scored only 2 points.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train also got the 2nd highest Defense/ST score this week via the 49ers, who delivered 13 points.

Meanwhile, Dalvin Cook and Antonio Gibson both posted identical 2 point marks for DenBro this week. The Chef's performances have been a good barometer for DenBro this season, as they have gone 1 - 5 when he fails to meet his expectations, and 3 - 2 when he meets them.

The only other player on DenBro that failed to perform was Greg Dulcich, who scored zero points. Dulcich has now underperformed the league average tight end in five straight games.

The win brings Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's winning streak to four games, and gives them a record of 9 - 3. The loss makes it four in a row for DenBro, dropping their record to 4 - 8.

Next week, Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will take on the 7 - 5 Space Lords. Space Lords will get to start the league's hottest player in Christian Watson. As for DenBro, they will square off against The Brainers next week.

The Brainers walked away with a nice 51 to 45 win this week against Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Big time luck for The Brainers in this contest, as they would have lost against all but one other team. The game leaves both teams squared up at six wins and six losses.

The Brainers have been relying on Austin Ekeler all year, and he came through again this week. Ekeler and Jason Myers were the standouts for Coach Chuck Rittenhouse; the dynamic duo together accounted for 20 points. Ekeler's performance paced The Brainers for the 3rd time this year.

Despite winning, The Brainers struggled to score points due to six underperforming players, of whom the Patriots Defense/ST (3 points) was the worst.1

Meanwhile, Davante Adams, Devin Singletary, and Tony Pollard were quite coordinated in their failures for Big Tex's Pillow Biters. They each produced only 3 points. Adams' performance this week broke his three game streak of surpassing his projections. Big Tex's Pillow Biters only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Derek Carr scoring 16 points.

The schedule for Big Tex's Pillow Biters brings Alcoholniks around next week. Points were in short supply for that team this week, as they could only scrounge up 40 of them. Meanwhile, The Brainers will be playing DenBro.

DenBro had traditionally struggled against The Brainers, losing 7 out of the 9 games that they've played, but Coach Don Zimmerman put those struggles in the rear view mirror this week. DenBro skated by The Brainers pretty easily, winning 63 to 50. The win brought DenBro's four game losing streak to an end.

Thanks to the loss, The Brainers have now come out on the losing end of three of their last four games, moving their record to 6 - 7. The win brings DenBro to 5 - 8.

A.J. Brown separated himself from the rest of the crew on DenBro, delivering 17 points. Brown's performance this week stopped his four game streak of not meeting his projections. This spectacular catch from him was one of his two scores that game, which also saw him earn 119 receiving yards.

Keenan Allen helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 5.6 points. Allen scored 10 points, which is the most he's gotten this year. DenBro won despite bad games from the Chiefs Defense/ST, Antonio Gibson, and Harrison Butker, who together delivered 9 points.

Meanwhile, there's no pointing fingers in The Brainers' loss as they failed all over the place. They had five underperformers, with Jaylen Waddle (zero points) being the worst. Waddle's zero points made him the worst starter on his team for the 2nd time this season.

Although he lost this week, Coach Chuck Rittenhouse had a good game on the sidelines. He left Deshaun Watson and his 15.4 expected points on the bench, favoring Tom Brady (12 points expected).

This great decision boosted The Brainers' final score by 12 points. Coach Rittenhouse's lineup moves this week also allowed him to move into positive territory for the year, giving his team 8 points more than the experts would have.

Next week will see DenBro taking on the 4 - 9 Alcoholniks. Coach Zimmerman are getting Alcoholniks at the right time, as they will limp into next week's game having posted less than 50 points each of the last two weeks.

Meanwhile, The Brainers will take on Homesick Abortions. The game will be a rematch from week ten, but The Brainers will have Ja'Marr Chase available, who had his bye week during the first matchup.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum came out on top in a nailbiter against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 60 to 58. Another defeat makes it three in a row for Pinko Commie Bastards, which leaves them with a 4 - 9 record. The win brings Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum to 5 - 8.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum got a nice group performance in the win, as four players beat their positional averages. Stefon Diggs was just a bit ahead of the others, posting 10 points.1 Diggsy has now gone three weeks without dipping below the average wide receiver's points. He has ridden that consistency to become the 2nd best wide receiver in the league.

Meanwhile, Coach Erran Yearty will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. Pinko Commie Bastards were brought down by five underperformers, the worst of whom was Chris Godwin (3 points).2 That made him the worst performer on Pinko Commie Bastards for the first time this year.

Justin Herbert has to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 4.5 fewer points than he was expected to. Pinko Commie Bastards has never won when Herbert failed to hit his expected points, going 0 - 5.

Christian McCaffrey was the lone bright spot (and a pretty dim one at that) for Pinko Commie Bastards this week, scoring 13 points. McCaffrey Despite dealing with a knee injury earlier in the week, McCaffrey earned 146 total yards and a touchdown on Sunday.

Pinko Commie Bastards will face off against Space Lords next week. Bad timing for Pinko Commie Bastards, as Space Lords will come into the matchup on a three game winning streak. Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum will be playing Zombie Werewolves.

Space Lords came into the game as the biggest underdog this week, but they didn't let that get them down. They took down Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train handily, winning 71 to 52. The win helped Space Lords halt Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's four game winning streak.

Space Lords have now won three games in a row, giving them a record of 8 - 5. The loss drops Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train's record to 9 - 4.

Throughout Space Lords' winning streak, Christian Watson has been coming up with big performances. This week was no different. Watson teamed up with Amon-Ra St. Brown to drop 33 points.

Space Lords also got a better-than-expected performance from Geno Smith, who beat his projections by 7.2 points. Smith passed for a career-high 367 yards on Sunday and this game-winning touchdown was his third of the day.

It wasn't all good news this week for Space Lords though. Kenneth Walker III rushed three times for 36 yards before being ruled out in the first half with an ankle injury, leaving him questionable for next week’s game.

Meanwhile, Coach Micah Russell will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. Gus Edwards was the worst of a six man group of underperformers on Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, notching zero points. Edwards might be heading back to the waiver wire after getting picked up before this game. The only real legit performance that Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train got came courtesy of The 49ers Defense/ST, which scored 18 points.

Coach Householder were showing off the tactical skills that have made them one of the best coaches in the league this season. They left Daniel Jones, Nick Folk, and Leonard Fournette on the bench, starting three different players who were each expected to score less.

Incredibly, each of these decisions ended up being the right call. They gave Space Lords a nice 11 point bonus. Coach Householder ought to take a lesson from the fact that taking risks worked out this week. Their team has a much better record when they bucks the experts' advice for at least one player

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. Space Lords have a lucky matchup set for next week. They play Pinko Commie Bastards, a team currently on a three game losing skid. Space Lords have now been an underdog in both the last two weeks, and won both times. Maybe they'll get a bit more credit going into their next one.

As for Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train will have long odds to win if Big Tex's Pillow Biters scores another 105 points, like they did this week.

Homesick Abortions made sure that they didn't become the 4th straight team to lose to Zombie Werewolves. Homesick Abortions slid by Zombie Werewolves, winning 60 to 56. The win brings Homesick Abortions' record to 9 - 4, while dropping Zombie Werewolves to 8 - 5.

Homesick Abortions were a picture of symmetry, winning with a very balanced lineup. Josh Jacobs paced the team by beating the average running back by 4 points, while Aaron Rodgers (3.6 points worse than the average quarterback) was the worst on the team. Jacobs hasn't been messing around recently, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks. He entered Sunday’s game with a calf injury, but nonetheless racked up 144 rushing yards and a touchdown.

Over in the loser's circle, Zombie Werewolves got a big game from Jalen Hurts. Hurts contributed a 28 point performance, which was good for 2nd place among all players this week.1 Unfortunately for Coach Jolle, nobody else really stepped up.

Zombie Werewolves saw seven different players underperform, and while none of them particularly stuck out, Derrick Henry and his 1 point was officially the worst.2 That's the fewest points that he's scored this year. He only rushed season-low 11 times Sunday, so it’s hardly surprising he only earned 30 yards.

On the coaching front, Coach Chris Crowder wound up with a perfect lineup this week, albeit by following the CBSSports projections to the letter. This is the first time this year that Coach Crowder has pulled that off (slow clap).

Coach Crowder will bring that tactical skill to bear against The Brainers next week. The game will be a rematch from week ten, but The Brainers will have Ja'Marr Chase, who had his bye week during the first matchup.

Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves will collide with Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum next week. That contest will be a rematch from week twelve, when Zombie Werewolves won 67 to 60.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters have owned Alcoholniks in the past to the tune of a 20 and 6 record, and went ahead and added to that ledger of dominance this week. They completely dismantled Alcoholniks, winning 105 to 45. Big Tex's Pillow Biters' point total was the 3rd highest of any team this season.

The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 7 - 6, and sends them to the top of our internal power rankings. The loss drops Alcoholniks to 4 - 9, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings.

Two of the key players in this fight were real-life teammates, as Big Tex's Pillow Biters' Tony Pollard squared off against Brett Maher. While they were on the same team, they sure didn't deliver the same result. For Tony Pollard's part, he totaled 16 points for Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Pollard looked unstoppable rushing for this touchdown on Sunday, his second of the day.

On the other hand, Brett Maher was not living up to his star status, putting up only 6 points. Maher's performances have closely tracked the fortunes of Alcoholniks this season, as they have gone 1 - 4 when he fails to meet his expectations, and 3 - 1 when he meets them.

The other players on Big Tex's Pillow Biters kept up with Pollard, coming up with 89 points. That group was led by the Browns Defense/ST, who scored 25 points. That performance topped all players this week.1

Big Tex's Pillow Biters' next game will be against Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train in a rematch from week six. Big Tex's Pillow Biters won the previous matchup in a blowout. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train lost this week, and will be looking to avoid their first back-to-back losses.

As for Alcoholniks, they will square off against DenBro next week. The game will be a rematch from week eleven, when Brett Maher went off for 22 points.

Scoring the fewest points in the league for the week is bad strategy. Just ask Coach Robert Wetzel. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum could not make it much of a game, losing to Zombie Werewolves 51 to 34. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum have averaged 47 points during their last two games - not what was expected of them as the 2nd highest scoring team going into week thirteen.

The win was Zombie Werewolves' 4th in their last five games, bringing their record to 9 - 5. The loss drops Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's record to 5 - 9.

Zombie Werewolves had a decent start during the early Sunday games. Jalen Hurts's 23 points were the key contribution. Hurts earned three touchdowns on Sunday (two thrown, one on the ground) and his rushing score made him the first QB to rush for 10+ TDs in back-to-back seasons.

Meanwhile, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum decided the whole 'scoring points' thing was passe. They had four laggards, with Dak Prescott's 7 points being the worst performance.

Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum also had to deal with a poor effort from Stefon Diggs (7 points below expected). Diggsy's 1 point was the fewest he has scored this year.

Going into the Sunday late games, Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum were already a long shot to win. After Ryan Succop and the Seahawks Defense/ST dropped only 3 points, the game was over.

The experts predicted that The Brainers would have the most points this week. The experts were right. They ended up well ahead of Homesick Abortions, winning 71 to 54. The Brainers got some measure of revenge on Homesick Abortions for their matchup back in week ten, when Homesick Abortions crushed The Brainers 64 to 45.

The win evens up The Brainers' record at 7 - 7. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 9 - 5.

The Patriots Defense/ST was the key contributor for The Brainers, delivering 19 points.1 No other Defense/ST scored more points than that this week. After their performance, they moved up to being the best Defense/ST in the league.

Another player contributing was Jared Goff, who came up with 21 points. This brilliant pass from Goff was just one of many en route to 330 passing yards and three scores.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coach Chris Crowder to fault any one player for the loss. Homesick Abortions had five underperformers, with Tua Tagovailoa (9 points) being the worst.2 That makes it three straight games where Tagovailoa has underperformed the league average quarterback. Bad performances are nothing new for Tagovailoa, who has been the worst performer on Homesick Abortions more times than any other player.

In the loss, Homesick Abortions had three solid performers, with Justin Jefferson, Josh Jacobs, and Cameron Dicker dropping 32 points. Jacobs has now gone five weeks without dipping below the average running back's points.

Coach Erran Yearty probably wanted to take a vacation after last week's down-to-the-wire contest. Unfortunately, it was his team that took this week off. Pinko Commie Bastards got beat down by Space Lords, losing 61 to 42. Pinko Commie Bastards beat Space Lords back in week ten, so the turnabout this week was fair play.

This loss brings Pinko Commie Bastards' losing streak to four in a row, putting their record at 4 - 10. With the win, Space Lords continues their four-game streak of success, bringing their record to 9 - 5.

Pat Freiermuth led a very balanced group of five overperformers for Space Lords this week, scoring 7 points.1 Space Lords overcame bad performances from three players: Leonard Fournette, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and Jason Sanders, who collectively came up with 11 points. Coach Brad Householder have to be used to bad scores from Fournette, who has been the worst performer on Space Lords more times than any other player.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards suffered from two goose eggs, with the Titans Defense/ST and Tee Higgins failing to contribute anything. It's yet another disappointing day for the Titans, who have now underperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games.

Pinko Commie Bastards also had to deal with a poor effort from Evan McPherson (4.1 points below expected). McPherson's performance this week ended a three game streak of beating the experts' projections.

Adding injury to insult, Pinko Commie Bastards had a key player go down. Jeff Wilson rushed four times for 26 yards and didn’t see any targets before being ruled out at halftime with a hip injury.

DenBro felt the sting of a 37 point loss to Alcoholniks back in week eleven, and made darn sure there would be no repeat this week. DenBro demolished Alcoholniks, winning 70 to 35. No big surprise seeing DenBro get the win, as they were the biggest favorite of any team this week.

The defeat is the 3rd in a row for Alcoholniks, and puts their record at 4 - 10. The win brings DenBro to 6 - 8.

The Chiefs Defense/ST did about as good for DenBro this week as they did bad last week. Although DenBro had several players step up in the win, The Chiefs was the best of the bunch, recording 15 points. That gave them the most points on DenBro for the first time this season.

DenBro only had one underperfoming player, with Keenan Allen scoring only 4 points.1

Meanwhile, the loss for Alcoholniks came down to a pretty simple factor: they didn't go anywhere. Collectively, they only managed to gain 216 yards rushing and receiving. That was the lowest yards gained total of any team this week. D.J. Moore and James Cook were double trouble in that category for Alcoholniks, together posting only 21 total yards.

Looking at lineup decisions, Coach Don Zimmerman followed the experts' advice for each position this week and ended up with a perfect lineup. They have now set the most perfect lineups of anyone in the league.

This game featured two teams on a roll. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train had scored more points in the last three weeks than any other team, while Big Tex's Pillow Biters had scored the second most points of any team over the last three weeks. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train were the team that rose up to the challenge.

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train ended up on top against Big Tex's Pillow Biters, winning 68 to 60. Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train now have the best record in the league at 10 - 4. The loss was Big Tex's Pillow Biters' 3rd in their last four games, bringing their record to 7 - 7.

Miles Sanders was the clear leader on Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train this week, totaling 19 points. Sanders overperformed his expectations by more than any other player. He wore Grinch-themed cleats on his way to a season-high 144 yards and two touchdowns (and this awesome 40 yard score).

Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train also got a big effort from Samaje Perine (3.8 points above expected). That makes it four straight games where Perine has outperformed the league average running back.

Meanwhile, The Buccaneers Defense/ST stuck out as the worst performer for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, delivering only 2 points.1 The Buccaneers have now been the worst starter on their team two times this season. They have now failed to top the league average Defense/ST in seven straight games.

Coach Russell's intelligence was on display again this week. It's clear why they have been one of the smartest coaches in the league. They started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, Patrick Mahomes, worked out. The other pick, the Eagles Defense/ST, did not.

Overall, these moves gave Whitney Houston's Cocaine Choo-choo Train an extra 4 points , and makes it back-to-back weeks where Coach Russell have outsmarted the experts.