2014

Season Summary

The 2014 GNG season was supposed to belong to Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum. Robert Wetzel's team was the class of the league for most of the year, finishing 11-5 with 1,201.0 points for, the strongest regular-season record and the biggest scoring total in the field. Lo Pan had the look of a champion: weekly firepower, a West bye, and enough distance in the standings to make everyone else feel like they were chasing second place.

But 2014 did not become a story about the best regular-season team. It became a story about the team that got hot just in time.

Erran Yearty's Pinko Commie Bastards spent the season looking dangerous but uneven. Pinko opened by hammering Zombie Werewolves 81-41, then spent the middle of the year trading wins and losses with the rest of the league. There were enough stumbles to keep the playoff picture unstable, and enough late heat to make Pinko terrifying once the bracket started to close. The regular season ended with Pinko at 10-7, not as the obvious favorite, but as the team nobody wanted to see in December.

The playoff race had real Tuesday-morning math. Billy Hayes posted the setup plainly on the board: Rob had the West bye, Chuck Rittenhouse and The Brainers had the East bye, Billy and Big Tex's Pillow Biters would draw Nick Claeboe's Alcoholniks, and Erran would meet Patrick Jolle's Zombie Werewolves by point spread. That detail matters. Pinko did not stroll into a clean bracket. Pinko slipped through the kind of tiebreaker door that makes a league hold its breath and then makes everyone regret leaving the door cracked.

That division format is part of why the season had teeth. GNG was not a simple top-six league. The East Side and West Side each sent their own survivors, which meant a manager was fighting the teams on his side first and the rest of the league second. Spacelords became the perfect example of the cruelty: enough scoring to look dangerous in the full league table, but not enough divisional position to get into the bracket.

The message board gives the season its human texture. Nick and Chuck had mid-November trade drama after an old offer was accepted late. Lo Pan was "open for business," except for the stars that mattered most. Brad Householder's Spacelords became the cruelest example of fantasy luck, with Brad pointing out that he was the fourth-highest scoring team in the league and still missed the playoffs. By December, the season had narrowed into one cold, personal bracket.

The first playoff game was literally a house divided. Patrick posted that it was going to be very cold at the house that Sunday between himself and Erran, and then Pinko answered with a 57-49 win over Zombie Werewolves. It was not pretty, but it was enough. The champion's run had begun.

On the other side of the bracket, Big Tex handled Alcoholniks 64-37, setting up the semifinals everyone had been waiting on: Pinko against Chuck's bye-rested Brainers, and Big Tex against the regular-season powerhouse Lo Pan. Erran kept moving. Pinko beat The Brainers 68-58, and Chuck could only laugh at the fantasy gods afterward. Lo Pan restored order in the other semifinal with a 69-39 win over Big Tex. The Fantasy Bowl was set: Rob, the season's boss, against Erran, the team that barely needed the door cracked open before kicking it off the hinges.

Rob knew what was coming. On the morning of The Fantasy Bowl, he posted, "and then there were two....good luck erran...just do me a favor and try NOT to win."

Erran did not grant the favor.

Pinko Commie Bastards delivered the cleanest statement of their season in the championship, beating Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum 80-45. After a year where Lo Pan had been the measuring stick, Pinko took the trophy by beating Patrick, Chuck, and Rob in consecutive weeks. No soft path. No lucky bracket. Just a late-season surge, a point-spread entry, and three straight playoff wins over the teams that had defined the year.

The 2014 season is a reminder of what makes GNG cruel and perfect: the best team can control the standings for months, the playoff spots can come down to math after the final week, and the champion can still be the team that simply refuses to die in December.