2025

The Brainers took on Pinko Commie Bastards two times last year and won each time. The result this week then, was not surprising. In the only close game this week, The Brainers just barely got past Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 81.5 to 80. Big time luck for The Brainers in this contest, as they would have lost against all but one other team.

The Broncos Defense/ST was expected to be the top performing D/ST this week, and that's exactly what they were. The Broncos joined up with Cowboys Team Kicker and James Conner to put up 42 points.

Although Coach Chuck Rittenhouse got the win, he cannot have been happy with Bo Nix's performance this week. Nix failed to show up, scoring 6 points. He fell farther short of his expected points than any other player.

Meanwhile, RJ Harvey and Joe Burrow were double trouble for Pinko Commie Bastards, together recording only 15 points. Burrow could only muster 113 passing yards on Sunday, but on the bright side he survived the game. Pinko Commie Bastards also had to deal with a poor effort from Brian Thomas Jr. (7.4 points below expected).

Coach Erran Yearty has to be kicking himself for his lineup decisions this week. He started DJ Moore instead of DK Metcalf, despite the experts' prediction that Metcalf should have played. This decision cost Pinko Commie Bastards a total of 2.5 points, which cost them the game.

Next week will see Pinko Commie Bastards taking on the 1 - 0 Jerrays Jerryatricians. Don't look for many shrewd coaching decisions, as the game will feature the worst gameday coaches in the league so far. Meanwhile, The Brainers will be playing Zombie Werewolves.

Jerrays Jerryatricians had traditionally struggled against Alcoholnics, losing 5 out of the 6 games that they've played, but Coach Todd Marquis put those struggles in the rear view mirror this week. Jerrays Jerryatricians had just enough against Alcoholnics, winning 92.5 to 83.

Jerrays Jerryatricians won with a balanced effort, as five players outperformed their positional averages. Chuba Hubbard was the best of the bunch, racking up 20 points. The only real damper on Jerrays Jerryatricians' victory came from Dak Prescott, who scored 3.5 points. Dak fell to the reigning champs on Thursday, but he certainly doesn't deserve all (or most) of the blame.

Coach Nick Claeboe will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. Alcoholnics had five underperformers, with TreVeyon Henderson (10.5 points) being the worst.1 Alcoholnics also had to deal with a bad performance from Nico Collins, who scored only 4 points. Collins' performance wasn't exactly what Coach Claeboe was looking for when he drafted Collins in the first round.

A key injury will make this loss for Alcoholnics sting even more. Brock Bowers racked up 103 yards before leaving Sunday's game with a knee injury (though he says he's fine).

Coach Marquis might have gotten the victory this week, but it wasn't due to their efforts. They started three players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, Chiefs Team Kicker, worked out. The other picks, Dak Prescott and Drake London, did not.

Overall, these moves cost Jerrays Jerryatricians a total of 13.5 points. It also made Coach Marquis the worst performing gameday coach this week.

The schedule for Jerrays Jerryatricians brings Pinko Commie Bastards around next week. As for Alcoholnics, they will square off against Fuck Mickey Loomis.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters didn't have too much trouble with Fuck Mickey Loomis this week, winning 102 to 83.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters got a nice group performance in the win, as five players beat their positional averages. Jaguars Team Kicker was the first among equals, scoring 15 points.1 Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won by a more comfortable margin if Coach William Hayes had put Justin Fields (29 points) in the lineup. Fields' performance this week was better than every other bench-rider in the league.

Meanwhile, this week's loss for Fuck Mickey Loomis was a true group effort. Ja'Marr Chase was the worst of a five man group of underperformers, delivering only 3 points.2 Chase did the worst of any player drafted in the first round.3 David Montgomery added to Fuck Mickey Loomis' troubles, scoring 10.5 points.

In the loss, Fuck Mickey Loomis had three solid performers, with Jalen Hurts, James Cook, and Sam LaPorta dropping 55.5 points. Cook broke some ankles when he picked up 51 yards on this play.

Next week will see Big Tex's Pillow Biters taking on the 0 - 1 Space Lords. Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis will collide with Alcoholnics.

Zombie Werewolves finished last season with the best record and just kept on rolling this week. They slid by Homesick Abortions, winning 82.5 to 74.5. Zombie Werewolves won despite having the 4th lowest scoring total in the league this week.

Derrick Henry was the key contributor for Zombie Werewolves, posting 28 points. No other running back scored more points than that this week. Even at 31 years old, he is nothing short of unstoppable.

Zombie Werewolves overcame poor performances from Jared Goff and Terry McLaurin (10.5 points combined) in getting this win.

Meanwhile, the loss for Homesick Abortions came down to a pretty simple factor: they didn't go anywhere. Collectively, they only managed to gain 184 yards rushing and receiving. That was the lowest yards gained total of any team this week. Coach Chris Crowder can look to Kenneth Walker III and Xavier Worthy when passing out blame for the poor performance in that category. The two combined to gain only 24 total yards.

Next week, Homesick Abortions will take on the 1 - 0 Big Red Machine, who posted the highest score this week. The Big Red Machine will also bring the league's top player this week, Josh Allen, into the game. Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves will take on The Brainers next week.

It's not that hard to win when you have the league's top performer for the week, and Josh Allen was that player. Allen was the key component as The Big Red Machine got past Space Lords, winning 110.5 to 101. The reigning MVP sure looked like it on Sunday night, especially in a historic fourth quarter.

The Big Red Machine won despite bad games from A.J. Brown and Mark Andrews, who together produced 2 points.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Space Lords this week. Saquon Barkley paced the team by beating the average running back by 6 points, while David Njoku (4.5 points worse than the average tight end) was the worst on the team.

The Big Red Machine will be going against Homesick Abortions next week. Homesick Abortions not only lost this week, but scored fewer points than any other team. As for Space Lords, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

Jerrays Jerryatricians earned a pretty comfortable victory over Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 106.5 to 78.5. The win brings Jerrays Jerryatricians' record to 2 - 0, while dropping Pinko Commie Bastards to 0 - 2.

Puka Nacua separated himself from the rest of the crew on Jerrays Jerryatricians, totaling 20.5 points. Nacua drew first blood when he took this fourth down handoff 45 yards all the way to the house.

Meanwhile, Coach Erran Yearty can look to Joe Burrow and Breece Hall when passing out blame for the loss. The two combined to score only 14 points. Burrow suffered another heartbreaking injury on Sunday, something that tends to happen playing behind one of the worst offensive lines in the NFL. Burrow and Hall were joined by three other underperformers, including Brian Thomas Jr., who scored 6 points.

Someone will get their first loss next week as the 2 - 0 Jerrays Jerryatricians takes on the 2 - 0 Big Red Machine. Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will collide with Zombie Werewolves.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse might have been looking to rest his nerves a bit after last week's nailbiter. He got the rest, and the win. The Brainers demolished Zombie Werewolves, winning 149 to 113.5. The 149 points The Brainers scored set the high mark for the league this week.

The win brings The Brainers' record to 2 - 0, while dropping Zombie Werewolves to 1 - 1.

Coach Rittenhouse used early draft picks on Amon-Ra St. Brown and Malik Nabers, and they came through for him this week. St. Brown scored 33 points, and Nabers was close behind with 29. St. Brown overperformed his expectations by more than any other player. He came down with three receiving touchdowns on Sunday (and one could argue his best play wasn't even a TD).

The Brainers also got a big effort from Cowboys Team Kicker (11.6 points above expected).

Meanwhile, Derrick Henry loomed large in the loss for Zombie Werewolves, tallying 6.5 points. King Henry hopefully has some credit left over from last week's 28 point performance.

Coach Patrick jolle certainly can't blame the loss on Jared Goff, who scored 31.5 points. That topped all quarterbacks this week.

Next week, Zombie Werewolves will take on the 0 - 2 Pinko Commie Bastards. Pinko Commie Bastards will come into next week having failed to break the 80 point mark yet. As for The Brainers, they will square off against Alcoholnics.

The experts must be feeling pretty smart this week. They predicted that Homesick Abortions would score the fewest points this week, and that's exactly what they did. They got beat by The Big Red Machine, 69 to 54.5. With those 54.5 points, Homesick Abortions were last in the league for the 2nd straight week.

The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 0 - 2, while the win brings The Big Red Machine to 2 - 0.

The Big Red Machine relied heavily on Bijan Robinson, who put up 22 points. Given their low point total, it's not surprising that The Big Red Machine had several underperformers (seven to be exact). Josh Allen was the worst of them, scoring 7 points.1 That was quite a falloff from last week, when he scored 37 points.

Meanwhile, two players stood out for their poor performance on Homesick Abortions, with J.J. McCarthy and Aaron Jones combining to score only 4 points. McCarthy plunked down a 0.5 point performance, which was the worst of any player this week.2 If he spiked the ball on every play on Sunday he would've had a higher passer rating than he eventually wound up with.

T.J. Hockenson falling 7.4 points short of his expectations didn't help matters much either. Hockenson's 1 point was the fewest of any tight end this week. Homesick Abortions only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Deebo Samuel scoring 15 points.

The Big Red Machine faces Jerrays Jerryatricians next week in a battle of two undefeated teams. Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions will take on Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

Fuck Mickey Loomis were able to grind out a solid victory this week against Alcoholnics, winning by a score of 110.5 to 100. The win brings Fuck Mickey Loomis back to even at 1 - 1.

Coach Colton Mack used their first pick on Ja'Marr Chase, and Chase came through. Chase joined up with James Cook to score 52% of Fuck Mickey Loomis' points. Quite an improvement for Chase, who last week managed only 3 points. Even with a mid-game QB change, he still turned in 165 total yards and a touchdown.

Fuck Mickey Loomis got the win despite leaving Rome Odunze and his 25 points on the bench. No other player riding the pine did better this week.

Omarion Hampton stuck out as the worst performer for Alcoholnics, recording only 6 points.

Alcoholnics will face off against The Brainers next week. Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's team just had a huge week, having posted 149 points. Alcoholnics have now been the favorite in both their last two games, and failed to perform both times. The experts might not give them the benefit of the doubt in their next one. As for Fuck Mickey Loomis, they will match up with Space Lords next week.

Space Lords came into the game as the biggest favorite this week and proceeded to make the experts look good. They made it past Big Tex's Pillow Biters, winning 106 to 100.5. The game evens up both teams' records at 1 - 1.

Space Lords were a picture of symmetry, winning with a very balanced lineup. Davante Adams was the best player, scoring 17, while Kyler Murray was the worst on the team with 11.5.1

Over in the loser's circle, Big Tex's Pillow Biters got a big game from Jonathan Taylor. Taylor scored 30.5 points, which were the most that any running back collected this week. Unfortunately for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, he was the only player on the whole team that had a legit good performance.

Courtland Sutton and the Bears Defense/ST put a big hurt on Big Tex's Pillow Biters' chances this week, scoring only 1 point between them. The Bears scored zero points, which were the fewest of any Defense/ST this week.

Coach William Hayes could have won this game with the right lineup. Perhaps scared off by Tee Higgins's 4 point performance last week, Coach Hayes left him on the bench in favor of Garrett Wilson, despite the experts' prediction that Higgins should have played.

This decision shaved 5 points from Big Tex's Pillow Biters' score. If Coach Hayes had left Garrett Wilson on the bench and also started Emeka Egbuka, Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won the game.

Next week, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing Homesick Abortions. Homesick Abortions have scored the fewest points so far this year. Meanwhile, Space Lords will be playing Fuck Mickey Loomis.

Last year's playoff loss at the hands of Alcoholnics might still be ringing in Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's ears, but he got some measure of revenge this week. The Brainers (3 - 0) wound up with a solid victory margin against Alcoholnics (0 - 3), winning 141.5 to 122. The two teams combined for the highest score so far this season.

Bad luck for Alcoholnics in this contest, as they would have won this week against all but one other team. With the win and those 141.5 points, The Brainers now sits at the top of every component in the CBS power rankings.

Two of the key players in this fight were real-life teammates, as The Brainers' Caleb Williams squared off against D'Andre Swift. While they were on the same team, they sure didn't deliver the same result. For Caleb Williams' part, he totaled 28.5 points for The Brainers. Williams threw for four touchdowns on Sunday, which is a little easier when the person you're throwing to can just stand still in the end zone.

On the other hand, D'Andre Swift was not living up to his star status, scoring only 12.5 points. Swift has now failed to exceed the average running back's point total in any week this year.

The rest of Coach Rittenhouse's lineup followed Williams' lead, scoring 113 more points. That group was led by Jahmyr Gibbs, who scored 32 points. That performance was good for 5th place among all players this week.1

The East Side division lead will be at stake when The Brainers takes on Jerrays Jerryatricians next week. Meanwhile, Alcoholnics will take on Zombie Werewolves.

By a score of 96.5 to 83, Zombie Werewolves walked away victorious over Pinko Commie Bastards. The loss makes it three in a row for Pinko Commie Bastards, which gives them a 0 - 3 record. The win brings Zombie Werewolves to 2 - 1.

Buccaneers Team Kicker was the clear leader on Zombie Werewolves this week, recording 21 points. Zombie Werewolves also got the benefit of the 3rd straight game that Bucky Irving exceeded his expectations.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards were having trouble reaching paydirt, getting into the end zone only one time. No other team scored fewer TDs this week. Pinko Commie Bastards suffered from four zeros in that category, one of which came from Breece Hall, who wasn't better in other stat categories.

Coach Patrick jolle did their part in the victory, setting a perfect lineup. That took more than just following the experts' advice. They started Bucky Irving instead of Javonte Williams, despite the experts' prediction that Williams should have played.

This decision boosted Zombie Werewolves' final score by 9.5 points. Coach Jolle's perfect lineup was the only one set this week.

The schedule for Zombie Werewolves brings Alcoholnics around next week. Alcoholnics will come into the game looking for their first win.

As for Pinko Commie Bastards, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will enter the game with Jonathan Taylor, who has been the best player in the league so far.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters came into the game as the biggest underdog this week, but they didn't let that get them down. They strolled past Homesick Abortions, winning 111.5 to 88.5.

The defeat puts Homesick Abortions on a three game losing streak, dropping their record to 0 - 3. The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 2 - 1.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters relied heavily on Jonathan Taylor, who totaled 34.5 points. That was the most that any running back collected this week. Two of his three touchdowns came from one yard away, but this one sure didn't.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters also got the benefit of the 3rd straight game that Emeka Egbuka exceeded his expectations. Coach William Hayes' squad won despite bad games from Bryce Young, the Bengals Defense/ST, and Jaguars Team Kicker, who together produced 17 points. Young's passing performance (121 yards, no TDs) had little to do with Carolina's shutout win over the Falcons.

Meanwhile, Coach Chris Crowder will find no easy scapegoat for this week's loss. Homesick Abortions were brought down by five underperformers, the worst of whom was Falcons Team Kicker (zero points). That was the fewest of any this week.

Next week will see Big Tex's Pillow Biters taking on the 0 - 3 Pinko Commie Bastards. Coach Hayes is getting Pinko Commie Bastards at the right time, as they will limp into next week's game having posted less than 85 points each of the last three weeks. As for Homesick Abortions, they will square off against Space Lords.

This game was expected to be close. Fuck Mickey Loomis found those expectations insulting. They made it look easy against Space Lords, winning 127.5 to 82. The 46 point margin that separated these teams represents the biggest blowout of the season so far.

The win brings Fuck Mickey Loomis' record to 2 - 1, while dropping Space Lords to 1 - 2.

Fuck Mickey Loomis had all (well, most) hands on deck in this win, with six players beating their positional averages. Jalen Hurts was just a bit ahead of the others, tallying 29.5 points. No other quarterback scored more points than that this week. He exploded in the second half (209 yards, 3 passing TDs) to erase a 19-point deficit.

Fuck Mickey Loomis also got the benefit of the 3rd straight game that James Cook exceeded his expectations. Fuck Mickey Loomis only had one underperfoming player, with Ja'Marr Chase scoring 5.5 points.1

Meanwhile, Space Lords didn't have anybody who was too hot, or too cold, but this Goldilocks outcome was not 'just right'. Davante Adams topped the wide receiver average by 1.1 points to lead the team, while Packers Team Kicker fell only 5.2 points short of the average TK in bringing up the rear.

On the coaching front, the difference in tactical skill showed this week. Coach Colton Mack did their part to secure the victory. They went with David Montgomery over the higher ranked Nick Chubb.

This decision netted Coach Mack an extra 17.5 points, which only added to Fuck Mickey Loomis' domination. It also made Coach Mack the best performing gameday coach this week.

Coach Brad Householder's gameday decisions have been the worst in the league this season, and this week showed why. They left the Vikings Defense/ST and their 10 expected points on the bench, favoring the Rams Defense/ST (6.3 points expected).

This terrible decision took a 22 point chunk out of Space Lords' final score, and makes it back-to-back weeks now where Coach Householder have cost their team points.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. Fuck Mickey Loomis will be going against The Big Red Machine next week. The Big Red Machine will come into the game undefeated.

Meanwhile, Space Lords will take on Homesick Abortions, who have scored the fewest points so far this year. Homesick Abortions will also come into the game looking for their first win.

Scoring the fewest points in the league for the week is bad strategy. Just ask Coach Todd Marquis. Jerrays Jerryatricians could not make it much of a game, losing to The Big Red Machine 102.5 to 70.

The victory makes it three in a row for The Big Red Machine, bringing their record to 3 - 0. The loss drops Jerrays Jerryatricians' record to 2 - 1.

Mark Andrews was the key contributor for The Big Red Machine, posting 22 points. That was the 2nd most of any tight end this week. The Big Red Machine managed to rise above the bad efforts from Chase Brown and Zay Flowers (11 points total).

CeeDee Lamb was expected to be the best WR this week, but ended up being the worst. Lamb was the worst of six underperformers, scoring zero points. He has now failed to hit his expected points in any game so far this year. He was injured on the Cowboys' first drive of the game before eventually being ruled out.

The Bills Defense/ST have to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 7.2 fewer points than they were expected to. The Bills' 2 point performance was the worst of any Defense/ST this week.

Jerrays Jerryatricians will face off against The Brainers next week. The Brainers will come into the game with some momentum, having posted back-to-back 120+ point games. The Brainers will also come into the game undefeated. Meanwhile, The Big Red Machine will be playing Fuck Mickey Loomis.

Coach Erran Yearty has made more lineup changes than any other coach in the league, and this week all that shuffling paid off (for his coaching stats at least). He went with DK Metcalf over the higher ranked DJ Moore.

This decision netted Coach Yearty an extra 13 points, but Pinko Commie Bastards (0 - 4) lost to Big Tex's Pillow Biters (3 - 1), 118 to 98.5.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters didn't have any huge performances this week, but also didn't have anybody who really dropped the ball. Justin Fields paced the team by beating the average quarterback by 6.7 points, while Jaguars Team Kicker (1.2 points worse than the average ) was the worst on the team. Fields picked up a rushing and passing TD for the 2nd time in his first three starts.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coach Yearty to fault any one player for the loss. Pinko Commie Bastards had five underperformers, with Keenan Allen (6 points) being the worst.1 Pinko Commie Bastards did get a couple of good, but ultimately futile, efforts from Christian McCaffrey and DK Metcalf, who came up with a total of 44.5 points. Run CMC has now exceeded his points expectations in every game so far this year.

Someone will finally get their first win as the 0 - 4 Pinko Commie Bastards takes on the 0 - 4 Alcoholnics. As for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, they will match up with The Big Red Machine.

Jerrays Jerryatricians beat The Brainers both times they played last year and kept that trend going this week. Jerrays Jerryatricians slid by The Brainers, winning 107.5 to 100.5. With the win, Jerrays Jerryatricians put an end to The Brainers' three-game win streak.

This was The Brainers' first loss of the season, which gives them a 3 - 1 record. The win brings Jerrays Jerryatricians to an identical 3 - 1.

This was a marquee matchup between the league's top two wide receivers, Puka Nacua and Amon-Ra St. Brown, who did not disappoint. Nacua did great for Jerrays Jerryatricians, putting up 27 points. He got a whopping 15 targets (catching all but two) on his way to 170 receiving yards and a score.

Meanwhile St. Brown kept pace with a 22 point effort for Coach Chuck Rittenhouse. That makes it three straight games of overperforming expectations for St. Brown.

While both stars produced, only Nacua got any help. The non-Nacua portion of Jerrays Jerryatricians' lineup put up 80.5 points. Of that crew, Drake London led the way with 19 points.

Coach Rittenhouse tried to second guess the experts this week when setting his lineup, and the result was very costly. He went with Caleb Williams over the higher ranked Bo Nix. This decision cost The Brainers a total of 12 points, which cost them the game.

Although The Brainers lost this game, on the bright side, Jerrays Jerryatricians were the hardest test they will face for a while. Their next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Space Lords next week. Meanwhile, Jerrays Jerryatricians will collide with Zombie Werewolves.

After losing three straight games, Coach Chris Crowder's squad finally had enough. In the only blowout this week, Homesick Abortions crushed Space Lords, winning 145.5 to 102. Homesick Abortions not only got the win, but posted the 2nd highest scoring game of the year.

The win is the first of the season for Homesick Abortions, making their record 1 - 3. The loss drops Space Lords to the last spot in the West Side division at 1 - 3.

Homesick Abortions had almost all of their firepower going off before the end of the Sunday early games, and they got Coach Crowder's squad off to a solid start. Deebo Samuel led the charge, scoring 16.5 points.

Meanwhile, Coach Brad Householder's squad just couldn't quite get it going. David Njoku and the Vikings Defense/ST both did poorly, together coming up with only 4 points. Njoku scored 2 points, which were the 3rd fewest of any tight end this season.

Going into the Sunday late games, Space Lords were already a fairly long shot to win. After Daniel Jones dropped only 6.5 points, the game was over. A good performance for Space Lords by Josh Jacobs on Sunday night was not nearly enough for a comeback.

Coach Crowder's gameday decisions have been some of the best in the league this season, and this week showed why. He left Dolphins Team Kicker and J.K. Dobbins on the bench in favor of Seahawks Team Kicker and Kenneth Walker III, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions gave Homesick Abortions a nice 5.5 point bonus, which just made the final result that much more embarrassing. This makes it back-to-back weeks where Coach Crowder has outsmarted the experts.

Both teams have a tough upcoming schedule. Next week will see Homesick Abortions taking on the 3 - 1 Fuck Mickey Loomis. Bad timing for Homesick Abortions, as Fuck Mickey Loomis will come into the matchup on a three game winning streak. The game ought to be quite the strategic battle as it will feature the best gameday coaches in the league so far.

Space Lords has a difficult three game stretch starting next week against The Brainers. The matchup will feature the two top TE's in the league, as Dallas Goedert meets up with Jake Ferguson.

It wasn't too close for comfort, but it was still pretty close, as Zombie Werewolves beat Alcoholnics 85.5 to 75.5. Coach Patrick jolle should thank their lucky stars they drew Alcoholnics for this week's contest, since their squad would have lost to EVERY other team this week.

This loss brings Alcoholnics' losing streak to four in a row, which leaves them with a 0 - 4 record. The win brings Zombie Werewolves to 3 - 1.

Zombie Werewolves were led by the tag team of Bucky Irving and Buccaneers Team Kicker, who together delivered 41.5 points. That makes it three straight games where Irving has outperformed the league average running back. He got the bulk of his 102 receiving yards on this 72-yard score.

There were six underperformers keeping Zombie Werewolves from a proper victory, with Derrick Henry (8 points) being the worst of them.1 Bad performances are pretty common these days for Henry, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games.

There were plenty of chefs cooking up this week's loss for Alcoholnics. Lamar Jackson was the worst of a five man group of underperformers, dropping only 8 points.2 Jackson fell farther short of his expected points than any other player. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for Jackson, who has seen his point total drop in each of the last three weeks.

Coach Nick Claeboe seems to have forgotten to set his lineup this week. He left Jaylen Warren in the lineup, despite the fact that he was a guaranteed zero points.

That cost his team 19 points, which cost his team the game. This is the first time this year that Coach Claeboe's decisions have cost his team points.

Alcoholnics will be going against Pinko Commie Bastards next week. Pinko Commie Bastards will come into the game looking for their first win. Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves will be playing Jerrays Jerryatricians.

After yet another victory, we here at Fantasy Journalist now officially apologize to Coach Colton Mack for our disapproving draft report. Fuck Mickey Loomis got past The Big Red Machine, winning 111 to 104. The win helped Fuck Mickey Loomis halt The Big Red Machine's three game winning streak.

The win brings Fuck Mickey Loomis to 3 - 1, a far cry from where we expected after we pegged them as the 2nd worst team coming out of the draft. The loss is the first of the season for The Big Red Machine, dropping their record to 3 - 1.

Fuck Mickey Loomis got good efforts from almost everyone on the squad, with six players topping their positional averages. Commanders Team Kicker was the best of the bunch, delivering 18 points.1 James Cook helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 7.5 points. Cook has now exceeded the average running back's performance in every game so far this year.

The only real bad apple in Fuck Mickey Loomis' orchard this week was David Montgomery, who scored 4.5 points. That was the 2nd fewest of any running back this season.

Meanwhile, Coach Billy Waters can blame the loss on A.J. Brown, Chase Brown, and Chargers Team Kicker, who together scored only 18 points. Brown scored 2 points, which were the fewest of any wide receiver this week. He posted a season-low seven receiving yards on Sunday (and he's not thrilled about his limited action this season).

Coach Waters has to place a big part of the blame for this loss on himself. He started Zay Flowers instead of George Pickens, despite the experts' prediction that Pickens should have played.

This terrible decision shaved 16 points from The Big Red Machine's score, which cost them the game. After his decisions this week, Coach Waters has now cost his team points for the season (13 points worse than the experts).

Next week, Fuck Mickey Loomis will be playing Homesick Abortions. Meanwhile, The Big Red Machine will take on Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

It's looking like we were far too generous when evaluating Space Lords' prospects this season. They got beat by The Brainers, 104.5 to 86.5.

The loss drops Space Lords to 1 - 4, well short of where we expected the team with the best draft to be at this point of the season. The win brings The Brainers to 4 - 1.

Jake Ferguson separated himself from the rest of the crew on The Brainers, scoring 21 points. No surprise there, as he is currently the best tight end in the league. He has also now exceeded his points expectations in every game so far this year.

Meanwhile, Space Lords had a very balanced lineup, but it was balanced at too low of a level. The Vikings Defense/ST was the 'worst' player, scoring 4, while Michael Pittman was the best on the team with 12.1 The Vikings' 4 points made them the worst starter on their team for the 1st time this season.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's gameday decisions have been some of the worst in the league this season, and this week he showed why. Perhaps scared off by Jaylen Waddle's 5 point performance last week, Coach Rittenhouse left him on the bench in favor of Xavier Worthy, despite the experts' prediction that Waddle should have played.

This decision took a 8.5 point chunk out of The Brainers' final score, which--thankfully for Coach Rittenhouse--didn't matter much this game. He has now cost his team points in both of the last two weeks.

The schedule for The Brainers brings Alcoholnics around next week. Alcoholnics will come into the game looking for their first win. Meanwhile, Space Lords will take on The Big Red Machine.

Both Alcoholnics and Pinko Commie Bastards entered this game ice cold. Alcoholnics came into the game on a four game losing streak, and Pinko Commie Bastards were just as bad- having lost their last four as well. Pinko Commie Bastards shrugged off their troubles this week though.

Pinko Commie Bastards got the job done against Alcoholnics, winning 110.5 to 90. Pinko Commie Bastards got off the schneid with this win. They now sit at 1 - 4. The loss drops Alcoholnics to the last spot in the East Side division at 0 - 5.

Coach Erran Yearty picked up the Saints Defense/ST off the waiver wire this week and they paid immediate dividends. The Saints was part of a three-man-team, joining with Christian McCaffrey and Texans Team Kicker to post 67 points. This was the Saints' first venture off the bench, which bodes well for their future playing time. Their performance was also the best of any Defense/ST this week.

Alcoholnics had many underperformers, but TreVeyon Henderson stood out, producing only 6 points.1 That continues a theme for Henderson, who is yet to top the average running back's point total in any week so far.

Alcoholnics also had to deal with a poor effort from Colts Team Kicker (8.9 points below expected). Colts' 2 points were the 3rd fewest of any this season.

In the loss, Alcoholnics had three solid performers, with Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Tua Tagovailoa, and Nico Collins putting up 53 points. Smith-Njigba got Seattle on the board with this perfect touchdown.

Coach Yearty's lineup decisions earned his team points last week, and did again this week. He started Texans Team Kicker instead of Bills Team Kicker, despite the experts' prediction that Bills should have played.

This decision boosted Pinko Commie Bastards' final score by 9 points. With those additional points, Coach Yearty is now the best game-day coach in the league, passing Coach Colton Mack.

Both teams face trouble in the upcoming schedule. Alcoholnics' loss this week is especially bad as it represented the last easy game they will have for a while. The next three games are against winning teams, starting with The Brainers next week. The game will be a rematch from week three, and Coach Claeboe will no doubt be worried that Caleb Williams will drop another 28.5 points for The Brainers like he did the last time those teams faced off.

Pinko Commie Bastards' next game will be against Jerrays Jerryatricians in a rematch from week two. Pinko Commie Bastards lost the previous matchup 106.5 to 78.5. Pinko Commie Bastards will face off against Puka Nacua in next week's game, part of a three game stretch against tough wide receivers which will see them take on Rome Odunze and Amon-Ra St. Brown in the following weeks.

Fuck Mickey Loomis exceeded their expectations for three straight weeks coming into this game, did it again, and were rewarded with a victory. They earned a nice victory over Homesick Abortions, winning 117.5 to 99. No big surprise seeing Fuck Mickey Loomis get the win, as they were the biggest favorite of any team this week.

Fuck Mickey Loomis have now won four games in a row, which brings their record to 4 - 1. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 1 - 4.

Ja'Marr Chase was the clear leader on Fuck Mickey Loomis this week, totaling 24 points.1 Chase topped all but two players this week with that performance.2 He strolled into the end zone while catching his second TD of the week.

Fuck Mickey Loomis also got the 2nd highest Defense/ST score this week via the Colts, who scored 14 points.

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions had plenty of duds in the loss. They were brought down by four underperformers, the worst of whom was Kenneth Walker III (10 points).3

Next week, Fuck Mickey Loomis will take on the 3 - 2 Zombie Werewolves. As for Homesick Abortions, they will match up with Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

The experts predicted this would be a close game. The experts were wrong...big time. Jerrays Jerryatricians (4 - 1) crushed Zombie Werewolves (3 - 2), winning 119 to 77.5. That 41 point margin was the biggest gap between any two teams this week.

The 119 points that Jerrays Jerryatricians dropped were the most they scored so far this year. On the other side of things, Zombie Werewolves were setting their personal low score mark for the year.

Jerrays Jerryatricians had almost all of their firepower going off before the end of the Sunday early games, and they came through. They were powered by Kyren Williams, who scored 31 points. Apparently, Williams must have felt bad after last week's 10.5 point effort.

Jerrays Jerryatricians also got a big effort from Dak Prescott (15.6 points above expected). Prescott tossed four touchdowns on Sunday, the longest of which was this 43-yarder.

Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves were having a so-so performance. They got a total of 16.5 points from the Eagles Defense/ST and Derrick Henry. Underperforming is the new normal for Henry, who has gone four straight games without hitting his projected point total.

A win was looking pretty unlikely for Zombie Werewolves going into the Sunday late games. The door slammed shut for good after several players, including Zach Ertz, scored essentially no fantasy points.

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. Next week will bring a much easier match for Jerrays Jerryatricians, as they play the 1-4 Pinko Commie Bastards. That contest will be a rematch from week two, when Jerrays Jerryatricians won 106.5 to 78.5.

As for Zombie Werewolves, they will square off against Fuck Mickey Loomis. Bad timing for Zombie Werewolves, as Fuck Mickey Loomis will come into the matchup on a four game winning streak.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters had the good fortune of having the league's best player this week in Jonathan Taylor. Big Tex's Pillow Biters got past The Big Red Machine without much trouble, winning 127 to 96 behind 35.5 points from Taylor. He is on quite a hot streak, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks. He was a menace in the redzone this week, scoring not once, not twice, but three times from within 10 yards.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won by a more comfortable margin if Big Tex's Pillow Biters had Emeka Egbuka and his 23 points in the starting lineup. Egbuka's performance this week was better than every other bench-rider in the league.

Meanwhile, Woody Marks was clearly the weakest link for Coach Billy Waters and the gang as he recorded 4.5 points. That performance was worse than every other player this week.1 His performance definitively ended a three game streak of beating the experts' projections.

The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 4 - 1, and sends them to the top of our internal power rankings. The loss drops The Big Red Machine's record to 3 - 2.

Both teams have good news in the upcoming schedule. Coach William Hayes can rest a bit after this big victory since the next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Homesick Abortions next week.

Meanwhile, The Big Red Machine will collide with Space Lords. Good timing, as Space Lords will come into the matchup on a three game losing streak.

Coach Erran Yearty earned his team points last week, and decided that he wanted extra points this week as well. He left Breece Hall and his 17 expected points on the bench, favoring Cam Skattebo (12.8 points expected).

This great decision gave Pinko Commie Bastards a nice 20.5 point bonus, as they skated by Jerrays Jerryatricians (4 - 2) pretty easily, winning 112 to 85.5.

Skattebo was the key contributor for Pinko Commie Bastards, totaling 33.5 points. Skattebo overperformed his expectations by more than any other player. He punched in three touchdowns without ever once being stopped by the Eagle's defense.

Pinko Commie Bastards also got the benefit of the 6th straight game that Christian McCaffrey exceeded his expectations. Rico Dowdle was kept on Pinko Commie Bastards' bench in the victory, but he didn't let that discourage him, as he went off for 36 points. No other player riding the pine did better this week.

Meanwhile, Kareem Hunt stuck out as the worst performer for Jerrays Jerryatricians, recording only 5 points.1 Hunt might be heading back to the waiver wire after getting picked up before this game.

The Bills Defense/ST falling 7 points short of their expectations didn't help matters much either. It's yet another disappointing day for the Bills, who have now underperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games.

Coach Yearty should hope that the victory over a quality opponent like Jerrays Jerryatricians establishes a pattern, as his next two games are against winning teams, starting with Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. Three weeks ago, that might have been more ominous to Pinko Commie Bastards which had just finished losing their 4th game in a row. Now, however, they'll go into the matchup with Fuck Mickey Loomis having won their last two.

Meanwhile, Jerrays Jerryatricians and The Brainers play in a battle for the East Side division lead. The game will be a rematch from week four, and Coach Todd Marquis will no doubt be hoping that Puka Nacua can drop 27 points like he did last time.

'We can build on this.' Alcoholnics, who stumbled into week six with the worst record in the league, better hope so. They ended up on top against The Brainers, winning 104 to 84.5. Alcoholnics got some measure of revenge on The Brainers for their matchup back in week three, when Alcoholnics lost 141.5 to 122.

The win is Alcoholnics' first of the season, which brings their record to 1 - 5. The loss drops The Brainers' record to 4 - 2.

Alcoholnics relied heavily on Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who tallied 23 points.1 After Smith-Njigba's performance this week, he moved up to being the 3rd best wide receiver in the league.

Alcoholnics also got a big effort from D'Andre Swift (9.9 points above expected). Swift somehow only got 14 carries despite picking up 108 yards (8/14 carries went for 5+ yards).

Meanwhile, The Brainers' troubles were largely due to having developed an allergy to the end zone. All their starters combining for only one touchdown. The Brainers were practicing their manners as they put every other team ahead of themselves in the TotTDScored category this week. Jahmyr Gibbs and Quinshon Judkins were double trouble in that category for The Brainers, together posting 0 TDs.

Alcoholnics will face off against Zombie Werewolves next week. Coach Claeboe will be happy to see that Zombie Werewolves is coming into next week's game having scored less than 85 points in their previous two games. As for The Brainers, they will square off against Jerrays Jerryatricians.

Zombie Werewolves didn't want to rock the boat this week. Having been projected to score the fewest points, they went out and did just that. Coach Patrick jolle's squad just didn't have enough against Fuck Mickey Loomis, losing 88.5 to 79. With those 79 points, Zombie Werewolves were last in the league for the 2nd straight week.

The loss drops Zombie Werewolves to 3 - 3, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings. The win brings Fuck Mickey Loomis' winning streak to five games, and gives them a record of 5 - 1.

Ja'Marr Chase and Tyler Warren were the key contributors, racking up 20.5 and 15 points, respectively. Chase put in his nomination this week for the catch of the year. David Montgomery provided the only truly sour note for Fuck Mickey Loomis this week, as he scored 6 points.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Zombie Werewolves this week. Zach Ertz topped the tight end average by 4.6 points to lead the team, while the Eagles Defense/ST fell only 6.3 points short of the average D/ST in bringing up the rear. The Eagles' 2 points made them the worst starter on their team for the 1st time this season.

Coach Jolle might have had a little too much fun last week, as they didn't set their team's lineup. They left Chris Godwin in the lineup, despite the fact that he was a guaranteed zero points.

That cost their team 16 points, which cost their team the game. This is the first time this year that Coach Jolle's decisions have cost their team points.

Next week Zombie Werewolves will have a much easier challenge as they take on league doormat Alcoholnics. That will be a rematch from week four, when Zombie Werewolves won 85.5 to 75.5.

Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis will be playing Pinko Commie Bastards. Fuck Mickey Loomis will have to play without James Cook, who has a bye week next week.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters had the best running backs coming into this game, and they came through for Coach William Hayes once again. Big Tex's Pillow Biters ran their way to a 117.5 to 87 win over Homesick Abortions. De'Von Achane scored 31 points, while Jonathan Taylor scored 26.5. Achane used his incredible top-line speed to turn this simple off-tackle run into a 49-yard touchdown.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters also got a better-than-expected performance from Trey McBride, who beat his projections by 8.4 points. McBride scored 17 points, which is the most he's gotten so far this year.

Although they took the loss, Homesick Abortions got a big game from Patrick Mahomes. Showtime contributed a 32 point performance, which was good for 2nd place among all players this week.1 Unfortunately, for Homesick Abortions, he both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.

Kenneth Walker III was the main culprit in Homesick Abortions' loss, managing only 7 points.2 Coach Crowder has to be used to bad scores from Walker III, who has been the worst performer on Homesick Abortions more times than any other player. He is in the midst of a troubling sequence, having seen his point total fall every week for the last three weeks.

The win makes it four in a row for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, giving them a record of 5 - 1. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 1 - 5.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters have a lucky matchup set for next week. They play Space Lords, a team currently on a four game losing skid. That game will see both of this week's top tight ends square off, when Trey McBride matches up against Dallas Goedert.

Homesick Abortions' next game will be against The Big Red Machine in a rematch from week two. Homesick Abortions lost the previous matchup 69 to 54.5. The Big Red Machine will have to put their quarterback depth to the test in next week's matchup, as Josh Allen has his bye week.

The Big Red Machine have owned Space Lords in the past to the tune of a 3 and 0 record, and went ahead and added to that ledger of dominance this week. They had just enough against Space Lords, winning 123 to 117.5. The 123 points The Big Red Machine scored set the high mark for the league this week.

Another defeat makes it four in a row for Space Lords, and puts their record at 1 - 5. The win brings The Big Red Machine to 4 - 2.

Three players (Bijan Robinson, George Pickens, and Chargers Team Kicker) delivered victory to The Big Red Machine, getting 73.5 of their team's 123 points. Good performances are nothing new for Robinson, who has been the top performer on The Big Red Machine more times than any other player. He earned almost half of his 170 rushing yards on this one 81-yard scramble to the end zone.

Meanwhile, Space Lords had three stooges, with Saquon Barkley, Michael Pittman, and Davante Adams dropping 18 points. Pittman's 3 points were the fewest he has scored so far this year. His performance this week also ended a three game streak of beating the league average.

In most other games, Space Lords' five overperforming players (led by Josh Jacobs, 32 points) would have brought home a win. Jacobs hasn't been messing around recently, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. The Big Red Machine's victory over a struggling team bodes well for the squad, as its upcoming schedule doesn't get any harder. The next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Homesick Abortions next week.

Meanwhile, Space Lords will collide with Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Big Tex's Pillow Biters have been racking up the points recently, posting three straight 115+ point games.

There were no cracks in the experts' crystal balls when they predicted that The Brainers would score the most points this week. They gave Jerrays Jerryatricians a 152 to 86.5 drubbing. Besides the victory, Coach Chuck Rittenhouse can brag that he posted the highest score in the league so far.

With the win, The Brainers moved to 5 - 2, good for the top spot in the East Side division. Jerrays Jerryatricians are now 4 - 3 after suffering their first back-to-back losses of the season.

The bulk of Coach Rittenhouse's squad was playing during the early Sunday slate, and they got The Brainers off to a solid start. Quinshon Judkins took the lead, scoring 34.5 points. Judkins punched in three rushing scores on Sunday, starting off with this 46-yarder.

Jerrays Jerryatricians suffered through the early Sunday slate, when all four starters during that period failed to hit their positional averages. Kyren Williams was the worst offender, scoring 10 points. Coach Todd Marquis have to be used to bad scores from Williams, who has been the worst performer on Jerrays Jerryatricians more times than any other player.

Jerrays Jerryatricians were also hurt by Chuba Hubbard falling 7.3 points short of the average running back. Hubbard has now failed to top the league average running back in four straight games.

Going into the Sunday late games, The Brainers were already looking good. After Jake Ferguson and Cowboys Team Kicker dropped 37 points, The Brainers had themselves a 'W'. A solid performance for The Brainers by Amon-Ra St. Brown on Monday night just put a little bit of salt in Jerrays Jerryatricians' wounds.

There's a favorable schedule ahead for both teams. Jerrays Jerryatricians was the hardest test The Brainers will face for a while, as its next three games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Pinko Commie Bastards next week. These two teams squared off in week one, when The Brainers won by only 1.5 points.

Meanwhile, Jerrays Jerryatricians will take on Zombie Werewolves. That squad is in the middle of a three game losing streak. The game will be a rematch from week five, and Coach Marquis will no doubt be hoping that Zach Ertz will repeat the zero point performance he gave Zombie Werewolves last time.

No other coach has tried more lineup combinations than Coach Erran Yearty, and this week his dilligence was rewarded. He left Breece Hall, George Kittle, and the Dolphins Defense/ST on the bench, starting three different players who were each expected to score less.

Incredibly, each of these decisions ended up being the right call. They boosted Pinko Commie Bastards' final score by 25.5 points, as they took down Fuck Mickey Loomis (5 - 2) handily, winning 143 to 116.

It's not that hard to win when you get the league's top performance for the season, and Christian McCaffrey delivered that performance. Pinko Commie Bastards had a one-man wrecking crew, with Christian McCaffrey posting 40 points. Run CMC's performance on Sunday night took him from the 2nd best player to the best player in the league.

Keenan Allen helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 9.8 points. Allen's performance this week ended a three game streak of failing to hit his projections.

Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis suffered through poor performances from David Montgomery, Rome Odunze, and Commanders Team Kicker, who collectively scored only 14.5 points. Coach Colton Mack have to be used to bad scores from Montgomery, who has been the worst performer on Fuck Mickey Loomis more times than any other player.

The only real legit performance that Fuck Mickey Loomis got came courtesy of Ja'Marr Chase, who scored 30 points. Chase is now the third player with 6,000+ receiving yards and 50+ receiving touchdowns in their first five seasons (and you might recognize the other two).

Next week will see Pinko Commie Bastards taking on the 5 - 2 Brainers. The Brainers will have to put their wide receiver depth to the test in that one, as Amon-Ra St. Brown has his bye week.

Fuck Mickey Loomis were maybe caught looking ahead of the schedule, dropping this easy one against Pinko Commie Bastards with a tough match against Big Tex's Pillow Biters looming. Big Tex's Pillow Biters comes into the match on a five game winning streak.

The Big Red Machine didn't have too many spare points in their win against Homesick Abortions, taking this one 95 to 84. The Big Red Machine got a fairly lucky victory, winning with the 4th lowest point total in the league this week.

The loss is the 3rd straight for Homesick Abortions, dropping their record to 1 - 6. The win brings The Big Red Machine to 5 - 2.

The Big Red Machine had three players lead the way, with Justin Herbert, Bijan Robinson, and Ladd McConkey putting up 58 points. Herbert tossed the rock 55 times for 420 yards on Sunday (and a pair of bad picks).

The Big Red Machine would have won by a more comfortable margin if Coach Billy Waters had put A.J. Brown (22 points) in the lineup. Brown did better than any player actually in The Big Red Machine's starting lineup this week.1

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions can place the blame for this loss squarely on Ashton Jeanty, who scored only 5 points. That made him the worst performer on Homesick Abortions for the first time this year. He had plenty of company, with J.K. Dobbins (12 points) being the worst of five other underperformers.

Next week will see The Big Red Machine taking on the 2 - 5 Alcoholnics. The Big Red Machine have now been an underdog in both the last two weeks, and won both times. Maybe they'll get a bit more credit going into their next one. Meanwhile, someone will finally get relief next week when Homesick Abortions and Space Lords clash, as they come into the game on three and five game losing streaks, respectively.

This was expected to be a close game. It was anything but. Alcoholnics destroyed Zombie Werewolves, winning 111 to 73. The win is part of a larger trend for Alcoholnics. In each of the last three weeks they have scored more points than the week before.

The defeat is the 3rd in a row for Zombie Werewolves, putting their record at 3 - 4. The win brings Alcoholnics to 2 - 5.

Two of the key players in this fight were real-life teammates, as Alcoholnics' Jaxon Smith-Njigba squared off against Cooper Kupp. While they were on the same team, they sure didn't deliver the same result. For Jaxon Smith-Njigba's part, he delivered 20 points for Alcoholnics. Smith-Njigba had several highlights, but none of them top somehow ending up sitting on the Texans bench with his helmet off while being physically sheltered by a referee.

On the flip side, Cooper Kupp was not having a typical Cooper Kupp week, dropping zero points. Coach Patrick jolle are still waiting to get one above-average week from Kupp.

The other players on Alcoholnics had Smith-Njigba's back, coming up with 91 points. That group was led by D'Andre Swift, who scored 22.5 points. Swift has now overperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games.

Coach Nick Claeboe was no passive bystander in the victory this week. He went with Aaron Rodgers over the higher ranked Jordan Love.

This decision netted Coach Claeboe an extra 10.5 points, which only added to Alcoholnics' domination. After his decisions this week, Coach Claeboe's lineup moves are now a net-plus for the year (0.5 points better than the experts).

Coach Claeboe cannot be happy with how his team has played so far this season, but he has to be enjoying the recent turnaround, having won the past 2 games. He'll hope to keep that momentum going into next week's matchup with The Big Red Machine. Unfortunately, for Alcoholnics, they won't have Jaxon Smith-Njigba available to start in that contest.

Zombie Werewolves' next game will be against Jerrays Jerryatricians in a rematch from week five. Zombie Werewolves ended up getting crushed in the previous matchup by 41.5 points.

The omens did not look good for Space Lords coming into the game. They entered this game with a four game losing streak, while Big Tex's Pillow Biters had scored the most points of any team over the last three weeks. Both teams lived up (or down) to expectations.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters wound up with a solid victory margin against Space Lords, winning 134.5 to 111. With the win, Big Tex's Pillow Biters continues their five-game streak of success, which gives them a 6 - 1 record. The loss drops Space Lords' record to 1 - 6.

Jonathan Taylor has been the key player throughout Big Tex's Pillow Biters's winning streak, and came through again this week. Taylor teamed up with Trey McBride to produce 59 points. That's all in a day's work for Taylor, who is the 2nd best player in the league. He now has the same number of rushing touchdowns (10) as four of the best RBs have combined this season.

Coach William Hayes also helped out his own cause by going against the experts and starting Tee Higgins, who scored 16 points.

Meanwhile, Coach Brad Householder can blame the loss on Kimani Vidal, Dallas Goedert, and Saquon Barkley, who together managed only 24.5 points. Coach Householder found out why Vidal was available on the waiver wire this week. Davante Adams and Chris Olave, scoring 45 points, did their best to make a game of it for Space Lords.

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. Someone will finally get relief when Space Lords and Homesick Abortions clash, as they come into the game on five and three game losing streaks, respectively.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters' next two games are against winning teams, starting with Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. That battle (featuring Jalen Hurts for Fuck Mickey Loomis) will be the first of a three straight games against tough quarterbacks (Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson are on the schedule in the following weeks).

Coach Erran Yearty picked a bad week to make a bad lineup. He went with Cam Skattebo over the higher ranked Breece Hall.

This decision shaved 25.5 points from Pinko Commie Bastards' score and cost them the game, as they lost a tight one against The Brainers (6 - 2), 80 to 75.5.

The Brainers were led by the trio of Rashee Rice, Bo Nix, and Jaylen Waddle, who combined for 72% of their team's points. Waddle scored a receiving touchdown this week and if you thought it looked familiar, you're not alone.

Despite winning, The Brainers struggled to score points due to five underperforming players, of whom Jordan Mason (3 points) was the worst.1 No other running back has scored fewer points than that this season.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards really lost this game as a team. They had five underperformers, with Cam Skattebo (8.5 points) being the worst.2 Skattebo's 9 point performance made him the worst performer on Pinko Commie Bastards for the first time this year.

Christian McCaffrey has to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 12.7 fewer points than he was expected to. Run CMC's momentum from last week's 40 point performance apparently didn't carry over. Pinko Commie Bastards only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Joe Flacco scoring 21 points.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse should hope that the victory over a sub-.500 team like Pinko Commie Bastards establishes a pattern, as their next game is against the dreadful Homesick Abortions. The Brainers might be feeling extra confident about that game, as Homesick Abortions limps in on a four game losing streak. Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will be playing Zombie Werewolves.

Jerrays Jerryatricians blew out Zombie Werewolves in week five. This week, Coach Patrick jolle got their revenge. Zombie Werewolves (4 - 4) stomped all over Jerrays Jerryatricians (4 - 4) 112.5 to 78. Blowouts are nothing new to Coach Jolle, since Zombie Werewolves has been involved in the most blowout games of anybody in league so far.

The game ended one losing steak and started a new one. With the win, Zombie Werewolves put an end to their three game losing streak. The loss makes it three in a row for Jerrays Jerryatricians.

Zombie Werewolves had never lost when Buccaneers Team Kicker overperformed his expectations, and that held true again this week. Although Zombie Werewolves had several players step up in the win, Buccaneers was the first among equals, recording 17 points.1 It's just another day at the office for Buccaneers, who has led Zombie Werewolves more times than any other player.

Zombie Werewolves also got a better-than-expected performance from Derrick Henry, who beat his projections by 8.9 points. King Henry put Sunday's game on ice when he punched in his second touchdown of the day.

Meanwhile, Dak Prescott hadn't dropped the ball for Jerrays Jerryatricians since week three's stinker. Well, that run has come to an end. Dak loomed large in the loss for Jerrays Jerryatricians, scoring 3 points.2 His performance this week definitively broke his four game streak of surpassing his projections. He had thrown 3+ TDs and no picks for four straight games, but both streaks ended this week.

Prescott was part of a group of six underperformers, with the 49ers Defense/ST (only 2 points) being the worst of the rest.

Although only one wound up with a victory, both coaches made good decisions this week. . Coach Jolle started Javonte Williams instead of Alvin Kamara, despite the experts' prediction that Kamara should have played.

This decision gave Zombie Werewolves a nice 14.5 point bonus, which just made the final result that much more embarrassing. Coach Jolle's lineup moves this week also allowed them to move into positive territory for the year, giving their team 13 points more than the experts would have.

As for Coach Todd Marquis, they followed the experts' advice for each position and ended up with a perfect lineup. They have now set the most perfect lineups of anyone in the league.

Next week Zombie Werewolves will take on Pinko Commie Bastards in a battle that features the top two gameday coaches in the league. Coach Jolle will no doubt be worried that Christian McCaffrey will drop another 24.5 points for Pinko Commie Bastards like he did last time.

As for Jerrays Jerryatricians, they will match up with Alcoholnics next week. That contest will be a rematch from week one, when Jerrays Jerryatricians won 92.5 to 83.

The experts predicted that The Big Red Machine was going to have the easiest time of any team this week, and that now looks like a good call. They made it past Alcoholnics, winning 102.5 to 97.5. Just another good result from the leagues' all-time leader in winning percentage.

The Big Red Machine have now finished off three straight opponents after this win, bringing their record to 6 - 2. The loss drops Alcoholnics' record to 2 - 6.

The Bills Defense/ST led a very balanced group of four overperformers for The Big Red Machine this week, totaling 17 points.1 The Bills topped all but one Defense/ST this week with that performance.

The Big Red Machine also got a big effort from Ladd McConkey (7.4 points above expected). That makes it four straight games of overperforming expectations for McConkey.

The Big Red Machine got the win despite leaving the Buccaneers Defense/ST and their 24 points on the bench. The Buccaneers did better than any player actually in The Big Red Machine's starting lineup this week.

Alcoholnics suffered through poor performances from Marquise Brown, the Bengals Defense/ST, and Jaylen Warren, who collectively managed only 11.5 points. The Bengals scored zero points, which were the fewest of any Defense/ST this week, and marks the 7th straight game that he has failed to surpass the league average Defense/ST.

Next week will feature a mirror image matchup as the 6 - 2 Big Red Machine will take on the 6 - 2 Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will get to start the league's hottest player in Jonathan Taylor. Meanwhile, Alcoholnics will collide with Jerrays Jerryatricians next week.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters came into this week's match-up on a five-game win streak, but Fuck Mickey Loomis put an end to that, winning 111.5 to 96. Fuck Mickey Loomis were able to give Big Tex's Pillow Biters some payback for their week one matchup, when Fuck Mickey Loomis were defeated 102 to 83.

With the win, Fuck Mickey Loomis moved to 6 - 2, good for the top spot in the West Side division. The loss drops Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to an identical 6 - 2.

James Cook separated himself from the rest of the crew on Fuck Mickey Loomis, totaling 32.5 points. That performance was the 5th best of any player this week.1 He embarrassed Carolina's defense with this 64-yard house call.

Fuck Mickey Loomis also got the highest score out of any quarterback this week courtesy of Jalen Hurts, who put up 26 points. Coach Colton Mack's squad overcame bad performances from three players: Isiah Pacheco, Commanders Team Kicker, and Tyler Warren, who collectively came up with 15 points. Commanders scored 1 point, which was the 3rd fewest of any this season.

Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters had many underperformers, but Carson Wentz stood out, scoring only 5 points.2 Wentz might be heading back to the waiver wire after getting picked up before this game.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters also had to deal with a bad performance from Dalton Kincaid, who scored only 2 points. Coach William Hayes was no doubt hoping for more from Kincaid's first venture off the bench.

The outcome of this one would have been different if Coach Hayes had gotten all of his lineup picks right. Perhaps scared off by Justin Fields's 3 point performance last week, Coach Hayes left him on the bench in favor of Carson Wentz, despite the experts' prediction that Fields should have played.

This decision cost Big Tex's Pillow Biters a total of 14.5 points. If Coach Hayes had left Carson Wentz on the bench and also started Tee Higgins, Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won the game.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. It's smooth sailing for Fuck Mickey Loomis after taking down Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Their next two games are against light competition, starting with Space Lords. That will be a rematch from week three, when Fuck Mickey Loomis won in a blowout.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters will try to cool off The Big Red Machine next week. The Big Red Machine are coming in hot, having won three games in a row. The game will be a rematch from week five, but The Big Red Machine will have Bijan Robinson, who had his bye week during the first matchup.

Homesick Abortions (1 - 7)' point total had gotten lower and lower for each of the past three weeks, and it fell again this week. Coach Chris Crowder's boys got clobbered by Space Lords (2 - 6), losing 127.5 to 73. That point total sent Homesick Abortions to the bottom of the points standings for the season.

The game gave sweet relief to one team, even though both teams needed it. Homesick Abortions started this week with a three game losing streak The victory ended Space Lords' five game losing streak.

Saquon Barkley was the clear leader on Space Lords this week, tallying 32 points. SaQuads' performance stopped his three game streak of not meeting his projections. He was little more than a blur on this 65-yard score, his fastest run of the year.

Barkley got help from five other players, including 18 points from Michael Pittman. That's the most points that he's scored so far this year. The Vikings Defense/ST was the only underperforming player, scoring only 4 points.

Meanwhile, two players stood out for their poor performance on Homesick Abortions, with Rhamondre Stevenson and Deebo Samuel combining to score only 12.5 points. In addition to Stevenson and Samuel, Homesick Abortions had five other underperforming players this week, including Panthers Team Kicker, who scored only 4 points. Homesick Abortions only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Patrick Mahomes scoring 19 points.

Space Lords wasn't just winning on the field, but also chalked up a win in the front office. Coach Brad Householder picked up Troy Franklin off the waiver wire and saw him score 22 points (on the bench, but still).

Both teams have a tough upcoming schedule. Homesick Abortions' loss is especially bad as it represented the last easy game they will have for a while. The next two games are against winning teams, starting with The Brainers next week.

As for Space Lords, they will square off against Fuck Mickey Loomis. Fuck Mickey Loomis will come into the game with some momentum, having posted back-to-back 110+ point games.

In a game that couldn't get much closer, Alcoholnics slipped by Jerrays Jerryatricians, winning 105 to 104.5. The 0.5 point margin that separated these two teams is the smallest gap of the season so far.

The loss drops Jerrays Jerryatricians to 4 - 5, the first time they've been below .500 this year.

Alcoholnics have been relying on Jaxon Smith-Njigba all year, and he came through again this week. Smith-Njigba joined up with Lamar Jackson and Jaylen Warren to drop 64 points. Smith-Njigba has now overperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games.

The game wouldn't have been as close if Alcoholnics had Brock Bowers and his 36.5 points in the starting lineup. Bowers' performance this week was better than every other bench-rider in the league.

Meanwhile, Dak Prescott stuck out as the worst performer for Jerrays Jerryatricians, notching only 11 points.1

Jerrays Jerryatricians' loss is a bad start to an easy stretch on the schedule. The next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Space Lords next week. Meanwhile, Alcoholnics will collide with Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

Coach Erran Yearty looked like he was trying to give away this game with his lineup decisions, but the team just wouldn't quit. Pinko Commie Bastards got the job done against Zombie Werewolves, winning 104 to 85. Pinko Commie Bastards got some retribution on Zombie Werewolves for their game in week three, when Pinko Commie Bastards went down 96.5 to 83.

The win was Pinko Commie Bastards' 4th in their last five games, bringing their record to 4 - 5. The loss was Zombie Werewolves' 4th in their last five games, bringing their record to 4 - 5.

Pinko Commie Bastards, who were the underdog in this matchup, put together a good Sunday. Christian McCaffrey's 39 points were the key contribution. Run CMC's 39 point performance topped all but one player so far this season.

Rico Dowdle helped on Sunday as well, scoring 19.2 more points than expected. Dowdle cut right through Green Bay's defense to get Carolina on the board.

Meanwhile, every one of the six players that Zombie Werewolves had going on Sunday underperformed their positional averages, and yet somehow Zombie Werewolves didn't do all that bad, as several players came close. Zach Ertz's 6 points were the biggest blow.

Zombie Werewolves were already facing long odds going into Monday night's game. Any hope they had left evaporated after Javonte Williams scored only 10.5 points.

Coach Yearty appears to have been too busy to set his lineup this week. He left Kyler Murray in the game, despite the fact that he was a guaranteed zero points.

That cost his team 27 points, which he was able to get away with this week. This makes it back-to-back weeks where he has cost his team points.

Both teams face trouble in the upcoming schedule. Next week, Pinko Commie Bastards will be playing The Big Red Machine. Unfortunately for Pinko Commie Bastards, The Big Red Machine are coming into their matchup on a four game winning streak.

Zombie Werewolves' next game is against The Brainers (7 - 2), who has pulverized the league so far. The game will be a rematch from week two, when Jared Goff went off for 31.5 points.

This matchup was a heat check for both these squads. Big Tex's Pillow Biters had scored the second most points of any team over the last three weeks, while The Big Red Machine came into the game on a three game winning streak. The Big Red Machine were the team that rose up to the challenge.

The Big Red Machine earned a nice victory over Big Tex's Pillow Biters, winning 125 to 105. With the win, The Big Red Machine moved to 7 - 2, good for the top spot in the West Side division. After suffering their first back-to-back losses of the season, Big Tex's Pillow Biters sits at 6 - 3.

The Big Red Machine won with a balanced effort, as six players outperformed their positional averages. Kyle Monangai was just a bit ahead of the others, scoring 25 points. Monangai's first NFL start probably won't be his last considering the 198 total yards he dropped on Cincinnati.

Marvin Harrison Jr. helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 7.5 points. Harrison Jr. scored 17 points, which is the most he's gotten so far this year. The Big Red Machine only had one underperfoming player, with Zay Flowers scoring 8 points.1

Big Tex's Pillow Biters lost despite the prodigious efforts of Tee Higgins. Higgins kicked in a 27 point performance, which was good for 5th place among all players this week.2 Unfortunately for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, he was the only player on the whole team that had a legit good performance.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters saw five different players underperform, and while none of them particularly stuck out, Jonathan Taylor and his 11 points was officially the worst.3 Taylor's performance this week ended a four game streak of beating the experts' projections.

The Big Red Machine will be going against Pinko Commie Bastards next week. Pinko Commie Bastards will bring the league's top player so far, Christian McCaffrey, into the game. As for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, they will match up with Alcoholnics next week.

Homesick Abortions (1 - 8) showed off the form that earned them the worst record in the league going into this week. They suffered a huge loss to The Brainers (7 - 2), going down 108 to 72. Homesick Abortions have now failed to top their projections in any of the past four weeks.

The game leaves both these teams streaking in opposite directions. The victory makes it three in a row for The Brainers. This loss brings Homesick Abortions' losing streak to five in a row.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's squad got off on the right foot early on Sunday. Caleb Williams drove the bus, scoring 34.5 points. Williams got the Bears on the board with this receiving score, then put the game on ice with this 58-yard passing TD.

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions were sputtering along with a less than stellar performance. The tag team of Ravens Team Kicker and Hunter Henry was good for all of 10 points between them. That makes it six straight games where Henry has underperformed the league average tight end.

Going into the Sunday late games, Homesick Abortions were already a fairly long shot to win. After Patrick Mahomes dropped only 5.5 points, Homesick Abortions was finished.

On the coaching front, Coach Rittenhouse wound up with a perfect lineup this week, albeit by following the CBSSports projections to the letter. This is the first time this year that Coach Rittenhouse has pulled that off.

Homesick Abortions' next game will be against Fuck Mickey Loomis in a rematch from week five. Homesick Abortions lost the previous matchup 117.5 to 99. Fuck Mickey Loomis lost this week, and will be looking to avoid their first back-to-back losses.

Meanwhile, The Brainers will take on Zombie Werewolves next week. The Brainers will have to play without Jake Ferguson, who has a bye week.

Space Lords has had the most unlucky losses of any team in the league, but they got a rare break this week. They ended up well ahead of Fuck Mickey Loomis, winning 99 to 69. Space Lords picked up a lucky win, given that their score topped only two other teams this week.

Space Lords are now 3 - 6 after picking up their first back-to-back wins of the season. The loss drops Fuck Mickey Loomis' record to 6 - 3.

Coach Brad Householder selected Davante Adams and Josh Jacobs early in the draft, and they both looked like good picks this week. Adams scored 20 points, while Jacobs scored 22.5. Jacobs' 22.5 point performance is no surprise, as he is currently the 3rd best player in the league.

Space Lords did well despite having to deal with Kimani Vidal and Daniel Jones, who combined to tally 15.5 points.

Meanwhile, Rome Odunze was clearly the weakest link for Coach Colton Mack and the gang as he totaled zero points. This is the 2nd time this year that he was the worst starter on his team. Adding to their problems, Fuck Mickey Loomis' Defense/ST, the Patriots, was the worst at their position this week.

Fuck Mickey Loomis only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with James Cook scoring 19.5 points.

Both teams have good news in the upcoming schedule. Now that Space Lords has made it through Fuck Mickey Loomis, it should be smooth sailing as they face three sub .500 teams in a row, starting with Jerrays Jerryatricians.

As for Fuck Mickey Loomis, they will square off against Homesick Abortions. That team will limp into next week's game having posted less than 80 points each of the last two games. These two teams squared off in week five, when Fuck Mickey Loomis won 117.5 to 99.

Jahmyr Gibbs was probably in Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's doghouse after last week's 8.5 point 'performance'. He might be let out now. Gibbs led the way as The Brainers strolled past Zombie Werewolves, winning 118 to 92. His 36.5 point performance was the 3rd best of any player this week. He became just the fifth player with 40+ scrimmage TDs before the age of 24.

Although Coach Rittenhouse got the win, he cannot have been happy with Bo Nix's performance this week. Nix failed to show up, scoring 6.5 points. His performance broke his three game streak of surpassing his projections.

Meanwhile, Romeo Doubs was the main culprit in Zombie Werewolves' loss, scoring only 1 point. That was the fewest of any wide receiver this week.

That's four straight wins for The Brainers, for those of you counting, which brings their record to 8 - 2. The loss drops Zombie Werewolves' record to 4 - 6.

It was important for The Brainers to get the victory this week, as Zombie Werewolves will be the easiest game they will face for a while. The next three games are against winning teams, starting with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. There are likely to be some fireworks in that one, as it features the two highest scoring teams in the league so far. Meanwhile, Zombie Werewolves will be playing Space Lords.

Pinko Commie Bastards had to be wary coming into this game after losing both matches against The Big Red Machine last season. Thankfully for Coach Erran Yearty, the past was not prelude. Pinko Commie Bastards ended up on top against The Big Red Machine, winning 97.5 to 76. Pinko Commie Bastards' win ended The Big Red Machine's four game winning streak.

The win evens up Pinko Commie Bastards' record at 5 - 5. The loss drops The Big Red Machine's record to 7 - 3.

When Coach Yearty entertained thoughts of winning this game, he probably didn't include the two players that ended up leading the way. Matthew Stafford scored 26.5 points, while Alec Pierce scored 14. Stafford's 26.5 points were the most that any quarterback collected this week. Thanks to his latest four-TD performance, he now has over 400 career passing touchdowns.

Pinko Commie Bastards overcame poor performances from Keenan Allen and Oronde Gadsden II (5 points combined) in getting this win. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for Allen, who has seen his point total drop in each of the last three weeks.

Meanwhile, there's no pointing fingers in The Big Red Machine's loss as they failed all over the place. A.J. Brown was the worst of a seven man group of underperformers, posting only 2 points. Brown has now been the worst starter on his team three times this season, which is more than any other player on The Big Red Machine.

The Big Red Machine did get some solace this week in the form of Chargers Team Kicker, who came up with 14 points.

On the coaching front, the gap in coaching ability was on display this week. Coach Yearty's gameday decisions have been the best in the league so far this season, and his brilliance was on display again this week. He left DJ Moore and his 8.7 expected points on the bench, favoring Alec Pierce (5.8 points expected).

This great decision netted Coach Yearty an extra 14 points. Coach Yearty has now earned his team more than twice as many points as any other coach in the league.

Coach Billy Waters could have made Coach Yearty pay if he set the best possible lineup. Coach Waters started A.J. Brown instead of Ladd McConkey, despite the experts' prediction that McConkey should have played.

This decision took a 13 point chunk out of The Big Red Machine's final score. If Coach Waters had left Brown on the bench and also started Woody Marks and Marvin Harrison Jr., The Big Red Machine would have won the game.

The Big Red Machine was the hardest test Pinko Commie Bastards will face for a while, as its next three games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Alcoholnics next week. The game will be a rematch from week five, but Pinko Commie Bastards will have Bears Team Kicker available, who had his bye week during the first matchup.

As for The Big Red Machine, they will match up with Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. That team can't be feeling too confident after scoring less than 85 points each of the last two weeks. The contest will be a rematch from week four, when The Big Red Machine lost 111 to 104.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters had a cool 77% winning percentage all-time against Alcoholnics, and Coach William Hayes delivered more pain this week. In the only blowout this week, Big Tex's Pillow Biters crushed Alcoholnics, winning 159.5 to 91.5. Besides the victory, Coach Hayes can brag that he posted the highest score in the league so far.

The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 7 - 3, and sends them to the top of our internal power rankings.

Jonathan Taylor made it rain for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, delivering 52 points. That set the new high mark for all running backs this season. Taylor's latest three-touchdown performance was headlined by this 83-yard TD.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters also had the 2nd best performer this week in De'Von Achane, who dropped 40 points. It was, unfortunately, a costly win for Big Tex's Pillow Biters. Garrett Wilson didn't record a catch before getting knocked out of Sunday's game with a knee injury.

Alcoholnics had never won when Brock Bowers failed to hit his expected points, and that held true again this week. Bowers was the worst of five underperformers, notching 2.5 points.1 That made him the worst performer on Alcoholnics for the first time this year.

Alcoholnics also had to deal with a poor effort from the Lions Defense/ST (6.7 points below expected). The Lions have now been the worst performing starter in the league over the last three weeks.

The scoreboard operator might be kept busy when Big Tex's Pillow Biters and The Brainers, the two highest scoring teams in the league, face off next week. The contest will also see some top shelf TE play, as Trey McBride meets up with Jake Ferguson.

Alcoholnics' next game will be against Pinko Commie Bastards in a rematch from week five. Alcoholnics lost the previous matchup 110.5 to 90. Coach Nick Claeboe will no doubt be worried that Christian McCaffrey will drop another 31 points for Pinko Commie Bastards like he did last time.

Coach Todd Marquis really needed someone to lend them a hand and help end their four game losing streak. Coach Brad Householder were only too happy to help. Jerrays Jerryatricians got past Space Lords without much trouble, winning 112 to 86.

The win gets Jerrays Jerryatricians back to .500 with a 5 - 5 record. The loss drops Space Lords' record to 3 - 7.

Jerrays Jerryatricians got a nice group performance in the win, as six players beat their positional averages. The Seahawks Defense/ST was the best of the bunch, producing 19 points.1 That's all in a day's work for the Seahawks, who are the best Defense/ST in the league.

Jerrays Jerryatricians also got a better-than-expected performance from Kyren Williams, who beat his projections by 7.4 points. Williams drew first blood with his first touchdown, then gave his team some extra insurance with his second.

The only real damper on Jerrays Jerryatricians' victory came from Chuba Hubbard, who scored 2.5 points. Hubbard has now underperformed the league average running back in seven straight games.

Meanwhile, Coach Householder will have a hard time pinning the blame for this loss on any particular player. Space Lords were brought down by four underperformers, the worst of whom was Michael Pittman (2 points).2 That's the fewest points that he's scored so far this year. His performance this week also ended a three game streak of beating the experts' projections.

Although their team won, Coach Marquis didn't have the best game personally. Perhaps scared off by Zach Charbonnet's 7 point performance last week, Coach Marquis left him on the bench in favor of Chuba Hubbard, despite the experts' prediction that Charbonnet should have played.

This terrible decision cost Jerrays Jerryatricians a total of 14.5 points, which ultimately didn't make a difference in the final outcome. The bad decision is more of the same for Coach Marquis, whose gameday decisions have been some of the worst in the league this season.

Luckily for Coach Marquis, they will go straight from the sub-.500 Space Lords to playing league doormat Homesick Abortions. As for Space Lords, they will square off against Zombie Werewolves.

Homesick Abortions get to go home happy for the first time in six weeks. They wound up with a solid victory against Fuck Mickey Loomis, winning 100.5 to 81.5. Homesick Abortions got some measure of revenge on Fuck Mickey Loomis for their matchup back in week five, when Homesick Abortions lost 117.5 to 99.

Fuck Mickey Loomis had their first back-to-back losses of the season, bringing their record to 6 - 4. The win brings Homesick Abortions to 2 - 8.

Homesick Abortions had several players step up in the win, as five starters beat their positional averages. Seahawks Team Kicker was the first among equals, putting up 15 points.1 That makes it four straight games of overperforming expectations for Seahawks.

Although they got the win, Homesick Abortions had some bad luck in the personnel department. Jaxson Dart punched in a pair of rushing scores before exiting Sunday's game with a concussion.

Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis had a very balanced lineup, but it was balanced at too low of a level. Rome Odunze paced the team by beating the average wide receiver by 5.3 points, while Jalen Hurts (7.2 points worse than the average quarterback) was the worst on the team.

The schedule for Homesick Abortions brings Jerrays Jerryatricians around next week. Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis will collide with The Big Red Machine.

The experts just can't seem to give Jerrays Jerryatricians enough credit. They had topped their point total projections for three straight weeks before this game, and did it again this week. Jerrays Jerryatricians took down Homesick Abortions handily, winning 113.5 to 90. In addition to the win, Jerrays Jerryatricians completed their 3rd straight game of scoring more points than the week before.

The win gets Jerrays Jerryatricians back above .500 at 6 - 5. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 2 - 9.

Two of the key players in this fight were real-life teammates, as Jerrays Jerryatricians' Travis Kelce squared off against Patrick Mahomes. While they were on the same team, they sure didn't deliver the same result. Travis Kelce did great for Jerrays Jerryatricians, producing 19 points. Kelce set his high mark for the season with that effort.

On the other hand, Patrick Mahomes was not living up to his star status, delivering only 8.5 points. Homesick Abortions has never won when Showtime failed to hit his expected points, going 0 - 4.

The other players on Jerrays Jerryatricians kept up with Kelce, coming up with 94.5 points. Of that crew, Dak Prescott led the way with 25 points. Prescott surgically dismantled the Raiders defense with perfectly thrown zone busters like this pass.

Jerrays Jerryatricians will go up against Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. Jerrays Jerryatricians couldn't have asked for a much better time to play Fuck Mickey Loomis, who is currently on a three game losing streak. Jerrays Jerryatricians will come into the next game having won their last two games. That's a big change from two weeks ago, when they had just finished losing their 4th game in a row.

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions will take on Alcoholnics. Homesick Abortions will have to deal with Brock Bowers in that one, and then follow that up with matchups against fellow top tight ends George Kittle and Brock Bowers.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters made sure that they didn't become the 5th straight team to lose to The Brainers. Big Tex's Pillow Biters skated by The Brainers pretty easily, winning 93.5 to 66.5. Big Tex's Pillow Biters won despite having their lowest point total for the year.

The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 8 - 3, while dropping The Brainers to an identical 8 - 3.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters did a decent job during Sunday's main action. They were powered by Trey McBride, who scored 21 points. This TD extended McBride's streak of games with a touchdown to five.

The Brainers suffered through Sunday's day games, when all four starters during that period failed to hit their positional averages. Caleb Williams was the worst offender, scoring 6 points. This is the 2nd time this year that he was the worst starter on his team.

A win was looking pretty unlikely for The Brainers going into Sunday night's game. The door slammed shut for good after Amon-Ra St. Brown scored only 4 points.

Next week, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will take on the 5 - 6 Zombie Werewolves. Big Tex's Pillow Biters won't have De'Von Achane available to start in that contest.

Losing to a good team better not become a pattern for The Brainers, as its next three games are also against winning teams, starting with The Big Red Machine next week. The Brainers will have long odds to win if The Big Red Machine scores another 147 points, like they did this week.

Zombie Werewolves came into the game as the biggest underdog this week, but they didn't let that get them down. They slid by Space Lords, winning 67.5 to 60. Zombie Werewolves won despite having the 4th lowest scoring total in the league this week.

The loss drops Space Lords to 3 - 8, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings. The win brings Zombie Werewolves to 5 - 6.

Zombie Werewolves had two main stars in Derrick Henry and Buccaneers Team Kicker, who together posted 30 points. A good performance by Henry has been crucial for Zombie Werewolves all year, as they have gone 3 - 1 when he exceeds expectations, and 2 - 4 when he doesn't. His biggest play was this 59-yard dash, his longest run of the season.

Given their low point total, it's not surprising that Zombie Werewolves had several underperformers (six to be exact). Parker Washington was the worst of them, scoring only 3 points.1 Coach Patrick jolle found out why he was available on the waiver wire this week.

Space Lords are bound to have a hard time winning when Josh Jacobs has a bad week, and that's just what happened. Space Lords can place the blame for this loss squarely on Jacobs, who managed only 5.5 points.2 He fell farther short of his expected points than any other player this week.

Adding to their problems, Space Lords' , Packers Team Kicker, was the worst at his position.

Coach Jolle certainly deserved the win, given their lineup decisions. They left Aaron Rodgers and his 14.1 expected points on the bench, favoring Jared Goff (10.7 points expected).

This decision netted Coach Jolle an extra 1 point. It also gave Coach Jolle their 3rd perfect lineup, which is more than any other coach.

Coach Jolle can't let their team get overconfident, as they face much tougher competition over the next three weeks than they did in their win against Space Lords this week, starting with Big Tex's Pillow Biters next week. Big Tex's Pillow Biters will enter the game with Jonathan Taylor, who has been the best player in the league so far.

As for Space Lords, they will match up with Pinko Commie Bastards next week. Pinko Commie Bastards brings in the best player in the league over the past three weeks: Christian McCaffrey.

The Big Red Machine (8 - 3) failed to show up for last week's contest, but turned things way around this week. They perfectly destroyed Fuck Mickey Loomis (6 - 5), winning 147 to 61. That 86 point win is the biggest blowout so far this season.

The 147 points The Big Red Machine scored set the high mark for the league this week. On the other side of the coin, Fuck Mickey Loomis' 61 points equal the 3rd lowest point total of the year in this league.

This contest featured the top performing player this week in Josh Allen, and not surprisingly, he played on the winning team. Allen was the key contributor for The Big Red Machine, notching 41 points. He paced The Big Red Machine for a team-leading 4th time. He now has two games with 3 passing TDs and 3 rushing TDs (no other player in NFL history has even one).

The Big Red Machine also got a big effort from Bijan Robinson (12.9 points above expected). Robinson's performance this week ended a three game streak of failing to hit his projections.

Fuck Mickey Loomis, meanwhile, were having a terrible time moving the ball down the field, with the whole team gaining only 243 yards. That was the lowest yards gained total of any team this week. Coach Colton Mack will find no easy scapegoat in that category. Fuck Mickey Loomis had four underperformers, with David Montgomery (37 total yards) being the worst.

On the coaching front, this game showed how futile efforts can sometimes be. This is the first time this year that Coach Billy Waters has had the same lineup in back-to-back games, and the tried and true came through. He went with Chase Brown over the higher ranked Woody Marks.

This decision boosted The Big Red Machine's final score by 8 points, which only added to The Big Red Machine's domination. Coach Waters' decisions this week allow him to relinquish his title as the worst gameday coach in the league (Coach Chuck Rittenhouse wears the crown now).

Coach Mack have had the most stable lineup in the league, but that consistency wasn't helpful this week. They started Rome Odunze instead of Tetairoa McMillan, despite the experts' prediction that McMillan should have played.

This decision shaved 22 points from Fuck Mickey Loomis' score. Coach Mack's lineup moves pushed them into negative territory for the season, costing their team 21 points versus what the experts would have done.

Both teams have a tough upcoming schedule. The Big Red Machine will face off against The Brainers next week. The Big Red Machine will be attempting to give The Brainers their first back-to-back losses.

As for Fuck Mickey Loomis, they will take on Jerrays Jerryatricians in a battle of two 6 - 5 teams. Jerrays Jerryatricians have been racking up the points recently, posting two straight 110+ point games.

Coach Chuck Rittenhouse has put together the best group of wide receivers, and they showed their mettle again this week. The Brainers used sticky hands to power themselves to a 158.5 to 89.5 victory over The Big Red Machine. Amon-Ra St. Brown scored 22 points, while Rashee Rice scored 17. Rice has become something of a lodestar for The Brainers, as they have never lost when he overperforms his expectations, going 4 - 0.

Jahmyr Gibbs helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 28.2 points. Gibbs' final touchdown (he had three total) was this 69-yard burst on the first play in overtime.

Meanwhile, Josh Allen had avoided having a bad day for The Big Red Machine since week two's 7 point performance, but he sure didn't have it this week. Allen was the worst of five underperformers, totaling 4.5 points.1 That's the fewest points that he's scored this year.

Another underperformer, tight end Mark Andrews, was the worst at his position this week. In the loss, The Big Red Machine had three solid performers, with George Pickens, A.J. Brown, and Texans Team Kicker notching 53 points. Pickens scored 22 points, which made him the top performer on The Big Red Machine for the first time this year.

The Brainers now have the best record in the league at 9 - 3. The loss drops The Big Red Machine's record to 8 - 4.

Coach Rittenhouse should hope that the victory over The Big Red Machine establishes a pattern, as the next three games for The Brainers are against winning teams, starting with Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. Meanwhile, The Big Red Machine will be playing Zombie Werewolves.

Homesick Abortions barely beat Alcoholnics, winning 100 to 99 in the only close game this week. That point total sent Homesick Abortions to the bottom of the points standings for the season. The win brings Homesick Abortions' record to 3 - 9, while dropping Alcoholnics to 4 - 8.

Hunter Henry led a very balanced group of four overperformers for Homesick Abortions this week, posting 18 points.1 No other tight end scored more points than that this week. His performance also stopped his three game streak of not meeting his projections.

Homesick Abortions also got a better-than-expected performance from Ashton Jeanty, who beat his projections by 10.3 points. A good performance by Jeanty has been critical for Homesick Abortions this season, as they have gone 3 - 2 when he exceeds his expectations, and 0 - 6 when he doesn't.

Over in the loser's circle, Alcoholnics got a big game from Jaxon Smith-Njigba. JSN contributed a 29.5 point performance, which topped all but one player this week.2 Unfortunately, for Alcoholnics, he both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.

Indeed, this week's loss was a true group effort. Lamar Jackson was the worst of a six man group of underperformers on Alcoholnics, producing only 6.5 points.3 Jackson fell farther short of his expected points than any other player. He couldn't find the end zone this week, meaning he's failed to record a TD in back-to-back games for the first time in his career.

It was just another brilliant day at the office for Coach Claeboe- the best gameday decision-maker in the league this season. He went with Jaylen Warren over the higher ranked D'Andre Swift.

This great decision gave Alcoholnics a nice 15 point bonus, which wasn't quite enough. This makes it three weeks in a row that Coach Claeboe has taught the experts a lesson in lineup management.

Alcoholnics' loss is a bad start to a very easy stretch on their schedule. The next three games are against less-than-impressive teams, starting with Space Lords next week. Space Lords will come into the matchup on a three game losing streak. As for Homesick Abortions, they will square off against Pinko Commie Bastards.

Things were lining up pretty well for Big Tex's Pillow Biters coming into this one. They had scored the most points of any team over the last three weeks, while Zombie Werewolves had scored the second fewest points of any team over the last three weeks. But then, this is why they play the game.

Zombie Werewolves ended up well ahead of Big Tex's Pillow Biters, winning 104.5 to 82.5. The win brings Zombie Werewolves back to even at 6 - 6. The loss drops Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 8 - 4.

Wan'Dale Robinson and Derrick Henry were the prime movers for Zombie Werewolves, tallying 22.5 and 28.5 points, respectively. King Henry's 28.5 points represent the most he's had this year. He punched in two rushing scores this week while simultaneously moving into 12th place in career rushing yards.

The only real bad apple in Zombie Werewolves' orchard this week was Buccaneers Team Kicker, who scored 1 point. That made him the worst performer on Zombie Werewolves for the first time this year.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coach William Hayes to fault any one player for the loss. Big Tex's Pillow Biters were brought down by four underperformers, the worst of whom was Tyler Allgeier (9 points).1 Big Tex's Pillow Biters only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Jaguars Team Kicker scoring 13 points.2

Even though only one coach walked away with the win, both made outstanding lineup decisions this week. Coach Hayes followed the experts' advice for each position and ended up with a perfect lineup. This is the first time all season that Coach Hayes has pulled that off (slow clap).

As for Coach Patrick jolle, their lineup decisions earned their team points last week, and did again this week. They started Javonte Williams and Darnell Mooney instead of Alvin Kamara and Romeo Doubs, despite expert advice to do the exact opposite.

These decisions netted Coach Jolle an extra 21.5 points. Coach Jolle ought to take a lesson from the fact that taking risks worked out this week. Their team has a much better record when they bucks the experts' advice for at least one player

Zombie Werewolves better ride the momentum they gained after winning this week's big game against Big Tex's Pillow Biters, because it isn't getting any easier for them over the next two weeks, starting with a game against The Big Red Machine. That might mean that Zombie Werewolves will be an underdog for the third straight time. Not that Coach Jolle should let that bother them, given their record in the last two games. Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will take on Jerrays Jerryatricians next week.

Forget the teams, it's Coach Colton Mack that is the big winner this week. They left Drake Maye and Rome Odunze on the bench in favor of Jalen Hurts and Michael Wilson, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions boosted Fuck Mickey Loomis' final score by 25 points and were the difference in the game, as they got past Jerrays Jerryatricians (6 - 6), winning 108.5 to 97.

The CBSSports' experts had Hurts pegged as the best QB this week, and he made them look good. Fuck Mickey Loomis relied heavily on Hurts, who racked up 26.5 points. No surprise there, as he is currently the 2nd best quarterback in the league. He accounted for three total touchdowns in the first 19 minutes of Sunday's game (and sadly, no more after).

Meanwhile, Kyren Williams loomed large in the loss for Jerrays Jerryatricians, recording 9 points.1 Williams' performance this week broke his three game streak of surpassing his projections.

Jerrays Jerryatricians did get a couple of good, but ultimately futile, efforts from Kareem Hunt and Dak Prescott, who came up with a total of 51.5 points. Hunt has now overperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games.

Next week will see Fuck Mickey Loomis taking on the 9 - 3 Brainers. Fuck Mickey Loomis might need a big game to win that matchup, as The Brainers comes into the game fresh off a 158.5 point performance. Meanwhile, Jerrays Jerryatricians will collide with Big Tex's Pillow Biters.

Space Lords' point total had gotten lower and lower for each of the past three weeks. They broke that streak this week, but it didn't matter. Coach Brad Householder's team lost to Pinko Commie Bastards, 116 to 96.

The defeat puts Space Lords on a three game losing streak, which leaves them with a 3 - 9 record. Pinko Commie Bastards improve to 6 - 6 after winning three out of their last four games.

Christian McCaffrey has been coming through for Pinko Commie Bastards all year, and this week was no different. Although Pinko Commie Bastards won with a balanced effort, Run CMC was just a bit ahead of the others, totaling 31 points. That performance was good for 4th place among all players this week.1 After his performance, he moved up to being the best player in the league.

Rico Dowdle provided the only truly sour note for Pinko Commie Bastards this week, as he scored 9 points. Dowdle's performance ended a three game streak of beating the experts' projections.

Meanwhile, Space Lords had many underperformers, but Baker Mayfield stood out, totaling only 3 points. That was fewer than every other quarterback this week. He threw for just 41 yards (and two interceptions) before exiting at halftime with a shoulder injury.

Dallas Goedert added to Space Lords' troubles, scoring only 3 points. Space Lords has never won when Goedert failed to hit his expected points, going 0 - 3.

Next week will see Pinko Commie Bastards taking on the 3 - 9 Homesick Abortions. Homesick Abortions won this week, but that might be a good thing for Pinko Commie Bastards, since Homesick Abortions has yet to win back-to-back games. As for Space Lords, they will match up with Alcoholnics next week.

The Brainers had the best record in the league coming into this game, but unfortunately for Coach Chuck Rittenhouse, the past was not prelude. The Brainers ended up pretty far behind in this one, losing 108.5 to 80.5 to Fuck Mickey Loomis. The loss drops The Brainers' record to 9 - 4, while the win brings Fuck Mickey Loomis to 8 - 5.

Fuck Mickey Loomis finished Sunday's main action with a respectable number of points. Seahawks Team Kicker carried the water, scoring 19 points, which were the 3rd most of any this season.

Meanwhile, Coach Rittenhouse's squad just couldn't quite get it going. Amon-Ra St. Brown and Travis Etienne both did poorly, together coming up with only 8 points. Etienne's performance this week broke his four game streak of surpassing his projections.

Going into Sunday night, The Brainers were in a really tough spot. Coach Rittenhouse needed the Broncos Defense/ST and Bo Nix to come up with 42 points. Unfortunately, the Broncos and Nix couldn't come up with much, leaving The Brainers well short.

The scoreboard operator might be kept busy when The Brainers and Big Tex's Pillow Biters, the two highest scoring teams in the league, face off next week. This game is a rematch, but it might not look the same as week eleven, since Big Tex's Pillow Biters will have Jonathan Taylor available this time around.

Fuck Mickey Loomis' next game will be against Zombie Werewolves in a rematch from week six. Fuck Mickey Loomis won the previous matchup 88.5 to 79. Fuck Mickey Loomis will come into the next game having won their last two games. That's a big change from two weeks ago, when they had just finished losing their 3rd game in a row.

Jerrays Jerryatricians got this win with a little bit in reserve, earning a 119 to 107 victory over Big Tex's Pillow Biters. With the win, Jerrays Jerryatricians have now won three out of their last four games, bringing their record to 7 - 6. The loss drops Big Tex's Pillow Biters' record to 8 - 5.

It's not that hard to win when you have the league's top performer for the week, and the Seahawks Defense/ST were that player.1 The Seahawks were a one-man wrecking crew, scoring 27 points. That was the 2nd most of any Defense/ST this season. Their performance late on Sunday took them from the 4th best Defense/ST to the best Defense/ST in the league.

CeeDee Lamb helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 6.7 points. Lamb scored 18 points, which is the most he's gotten this year.

Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters suffered through poor performances from Emeka Egbuka, the Ravens Defense/ST, and Jaguars Team Kicker, who collectively managed only 15 points. This is the first time this year that Egbuka has been the worst starter on his team.

Looking at lineup decisions, Coach William Hayes wound up with a perfect lineup this week, albeit by following the CBSSports projections to the letter. He was the only coach this week to pull that off.

The strength of schedule diverges for these squads next week. Next week, Jerrays Jerryatricians will take on the 3 - 10 Space Lords. Jerrays Jerryatricians will get to face Space Lords while that squad is in the middle of a four game losing streak.

There are sure to be fireworks in Big Tex's Pillow Biters' game, as they take on The Brainers in a battle between the two highest scoring teams in the league. Big Tex's Pillow Biters have now been the favorite in both their last two games, and failed to perform both times. The experts might not give them the benefit of the doubt in their next one.

Homesick Abortions have been relying on Patrick Mahomes all year, and he came through again this week. Showtime was the key component as Homesick Abortions just slipped by Pinko Commie Bastards, 72.5 to 70.5. His 27.5 point performance this week moves him up to being the 3rd best quarterback in the league this season. He tossed four TDs, but his best play might've been this huge completion out of the pocket.

There were seven underperformers keeping Homesick Abortions from a proper victory, with Justin Jefferson (2 points) being the worst of them.1 Jefferson's four yards marked a new career-low.

Meanwhile, there were plenty of chefs cooking up this week's loss for Pinko Commie Bastards. They had seven underperformers, with Parker Washington (2 points) being the worst. Washington might be heading back to the waiver wire after getting picked up before this game.

Christian McCaffrey was the only player on the team that didn't underperform, scoring 23 points. Run CMC has been on fire of late, putting up more points over the last three weeks than any other starter.

Homesick Abortions got their first back-to-back wins of the season, bringing their record to 4 - 9. The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards back below .500 at 6 - 7.

Next week, Homesick Abortions will be playing Alcoholnics. The game will be a rematch from week twelve, and Coach Crowder needs to be concerned about Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who scored 29.5 points for Alcoholnics the last time these two teams met.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards will be playing The Big Red Machine next week. That will be a rematch from week ten, when Pinko Commie Bastards won 97.5 to 76.

The Big Red Machine took Zombie Werewolves out of the playoffs last year, and went ahead and rubbed some salt in that wound this week. They demolished Zombie Werewolves, winning 134 to 101. No big surprise seeing The Big Red Machine get the win, as they were the biggest favorite of any team this week.

The win brings The Big Red Machine's record to 9 - 4, while dropping Zombie Werewolves to 6 - 7.

The Big Red Machine were led by the tag team of A.J. Brown and Bijan Robinson, who together racked up 59.5 points. Brown alone scored 28 points, which topped all but one player this week. He showed off his sure hands as he came down with this 33-yard TD.

Mark Andrews was the only underperforming player, scoring 6 points.

Meanwhile, while balance might be good for gymnasts, it didn't help Zombie Werewolves this week. The Eagles Defense/ST was the 'worst' player, scoring 4, while Christian Watson was the best on the team with 15.5.1 The Eagles are in the midst of a troubling sequence, having seen their point total fall every week for the last three weeks.

The schedule for Zombie Werewolves brings Fuck Mickey Loomis around next week. Fuck Mickey Loomis will have to put their quarterback depth to the test in that one, as Drake Maye has his bye week. Meanwhile, The Big Red Machine will collide with Pinko Commie Bastards.

Alcoholnics had an atrocious 20% winning percentage all-time against Space Lords, but that didn't matter one bit this week. They got the job done against Space Lords, winning 95.5 to 80.

The loss drops Space Lords to the last spot in the West Side division at 3 - 10. The win brings Alcoholnics to 5 - 8.

Alcoholnics got a nice group performance in the win, as four players beat their positional averages. Brock Bowers was the best of the bunch, putting up 19 points.1 Bowers' performance this week ended a three game streak of failing to hit his projections.

Alcoholnics also got a big effort from RJ Harvey (8.8 points above expected). Harvey only had 35 rushing yards but he gets a pass considering he also ran in two touchdowns.

Although Coach Nick Claeboe got the win, he cannot have been happy with Lamar Jackson's performance this week. Jackson failed to show up, scoring 2 points. He probably wished the tuck rule was still around after this head-scratching fumble.

Meanwhile, Coach Brad Householder can blame the loss on Saquon Barkley, Dallas Goedert, and the Rams Defense/ST, who together scored only 13.5 points. SaQuads' 9 points were the fewest he has scored this year.

Alcoholnics will be going against Homesick Abortions next week. As for Space Lords, they will square off against Jerrays Jerryatricians.

In a week that featured three blowouts, this was the biggest. Alcoholnics took everything from Homesick Abortions but the kitchen sink this week, winning 122 to 55.5. Alcoholnics were able to give Homesick Abortions some payback for their week twelve matchup, when Alcoholnics lost in a heartbreaker, 100 to 99.

The win was Alcoholnics' 3rd in their last four games, bringing their record to 6 - 8. The loss drops Homesick Abortions' record to 4 - 10.

Two of the key players in this fight were real-life teammates, as Alcoholnics' Jaxon Smith-Njigba squared off against Kenneth Walker III. While they were on the same team, they sure didn't deliver the same result. For Jaxon Smith-Njigba's part, he produced 23.5 points for Alcoholnics. JSN was a huge part of Seattle's beatdown this week, catching his second score of the day to put the game even further out of reach.

On the flip side, Kenneth Walker III was not having a typical Kenneth Walker III week, putting up only 7 points. Unfortunately, more bad performances might be on tap for Walker III, who has seen his point total drop in each of the last three weeks.

The rest of Coach Nick Claeboe's lineup followed Smith-Njigba's lead, scoring 98.5 more points. That group was led by RJ Harvey, who scored 24.5 points.

Coach Chris Crowder can hardly be blamed for this loss, as he set a perfect lineup this week. That wouldn't have happened if he had just played it safe. He went with the Texans Defense/ST over the higher ranked the Falcons Defense/ST.

This decision gave Homesick Abortions a nice 8 point bonus, which obviously wasn't close to enough. This is the first time all year that Coach Crowder has set a perfect lineup.

Coach Claeboe cannot be happy with how his team has played this season, but he has to be enjoying the recent turnaround, having won the past 2 games. He'll hope to keep that momentum going into next week's matchup with Space Lords. These two teams squared off in week thirteen, when Alcoholnics won 95.5 to 80.

In what should be a crawl to the finish, Homesick Abortions will take on Zombie Werewolves next week in a battle between the two lowest scoring teams in the league.

Zombie Werewolves just outclassed Fuck Mickey Loomis this week, earning a 123.5 to 99.5 victory. Zombie Werewolves have now scored 224.5 points over the last two weeks, which is quite a turnaround given that they were the 2nd lowest scoring team in the league at the beginning of that stretch.

The win evens up Zombie Werewolves' record at 7 - 7. The loss drops Fuck Mickey Loomis' record to 8 - 6.

Zombie Werewolves got good efforts from almost everyone on the squad, with six players topping their positional averages. Harold Fannin Jr. was the first among equals, tallying 19 points.1 That made him the top performer on Zombie Werewolves for the first time this year.

Zombie Werewolves also got a big effort from Christian Watson (12.6 points above expected). Watson's speed was on full display on this 41-yard catch and run. Zombie Werewolves only had one underperfoming player, with Buccaneers Team Kicker scoring 9 points.

Meanwhile, Jalen Hurts was clearly the weakest link for Coach Colton Mack and the gang as he scored -4 points. That set the new low mark for points in a week this season. Hurts broke new ground when it came to turnovers, managing to throw an interception and fumble on the same play (he added three more INTs).

As far as good performances for Fuck Mickey Loomis, Michael Wilson stuck out with 30 points. That was 26 points better than Wilson did last week.

Coach Patrick jolle added a perfect lineup to their win, which involved more than just going chalk. They left Romeo Doubs and Derrick Henry on the bench in favor of Christian Watson and Javonte Williams, who were both expected to score less.

These decisions netted Coach Jolle an extra 22 points. With those additional points, Coach Jolle is now the best game-day coach in the league, passing Coach Nick Claeboe.

These teams will see a difference in the quality of their upcoming opponents. Next week will see Zombie Werewolves taking on the 4 - 10 Homesick Abortions. That team will limp into the contest having posted only 55.5 points this week. Ratings for this game might be a little low, as the matchup will feature the two teams in the league that have scored the fewest points.

Meanwhile, Fuck Mickey Loomis will take on The Brainers. The Brainers will get to slot Jahmyr Gibbs into the lineup, who has been the best player in the league over the past three weeks.

'The thrill is gone'--at least when it comes to The Big Red Machine's recent games. The previous three games were blowouts, and this week's action was no different. The Big Red Machine made it look easy against Pinko Commie Bastards, winning 114.5 to 78. The Big Red Machine got some retribution on Pinko Commie Bastards for their game in week ten, when The Big Red Machine were defeated 97.5 to 76.

The loss drops Pinko Commie Bastards to the last spot in the East Side division at 6 - 8. The win brings The Big Red Machine to 10 - 4.

Josh Allen has been coming through for The Big Red Machine all year, and this week was no different. Allen separated himself from the rest of the crew on The Big Red Machine, recording 35.5 points. He topped all players this week with that performance.1 He is now the first QB in NFL history with three seasons of 20+ passing TDs and 10+ rushing TDs.

The Big Red Machine also got a better-than-expected performance from Chargers Team Kicker, who beat his projections by 12.2 points. Chargers scored 20 points, which is the most he's gotten this year.

Meanwhile, Pinko Commie Bastards had plenty of duds in the loss. Chris Rodriguez Jr. was the worst of a five man group of underperformers, scoring only 7 points.2 Rodriguez Jr. has now failed to top the league average running back in seven straight games.

No other coach has tried more players in his starting lineup than Coach Erran Yearty, and this week he found a good (if ultimately futile) mix. He started DK Metcalf instead of Jayden Higgins, despite the experts' prediction that Higgins should have played.

This decision boosted Pinko Commie Bastards' final score by 10 points, which might have mattered in other games, but not this one. Coach Yearty has given his team extra points now in both of the last two weeks.

The Big Red Machine will face off against Jerrays Jerryatricians next week. That contest will be a rematch from week three, when The Big Red Machine won easily.

Pinko Commie Bastards have a lucky matchup set for next week. They play Big Tex's Pillow Biters, a team currently on a three game losing skid. The game will feature the league's top two players, as Pinko Commie Bastards' Christian McCaffrey faces off against Big Tex's Pillow Biters' Jonathan Taylor.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters were projected to have the most points this week, but they uh...fell a little short. They got beat down by The Brainers, losing 106.5 to 62. The 62 points that Big Tex's Pillow Biters scored were the fewest they scored this year.

Another defeat makes it three in a row for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, and puts their record at 8 - 6. The win brings The Brainers to 10 - 4.

Jahmyr Gibbs was the clear leader on The Brainers this week, recording 36 points. Gibbs is on quite a hot streak, performing better than any other starter over the last three weeks. He embarrassed Dallas' defense in picking up this first down.

The Brainers also got a good performance from Cowboys Team Kicker, who scored 23 points. That was the most that any has collected this season.

Meanwhile, Big Tex's Pillow Biters had three stooges, with Jayden Daniels, Emeka Egbuka, and the Ravens Defense/ST scoring 3 points. Bad performances are pretty common these days for Daniels, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games. He left the game early after appearing to re-injure the same elbow he hurt back in Week 9.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters only had one player who gave a passable performance this week, with Jaguars Team Kicker scoring 11 points.1

Next week, Big Tex's Pillow Biters will be playing Pinko Commie Bastards. That team will have to find a way to do better than they have lately, as they scored less than 80 points in their last two games. Both Big Tex's Pillow Biters and Pinko Commie Bastards come into that game licking their wounds after getting thoroughly knocked around by their opponents.

As for The Brainers, they will match up with Fuck Mickey Loomis next week. The game will be a rematch from week thirteen, and Coach Rittenhouse will hope to avoid James Cook dropping another 25 points for Fuck Mickey Loomis this time.

Jerrays Jerryatricians were set up for an easy win in this one. They were the 2nd highest scoring team during the previous three weeks, while Space Lords came into the game on a four game losing streak. The final result then, was unsurprising.

Jerrays Jerryatricians strolled past Space Lords, winning 102 to 76. The win brings Jerrays Jerryatricians' record to 8 - 6, while dropping Space Lords to 3 - 11.

Puka Nacua was the key contributor for Jerrays Jerryatricians, totaling 27 points. Nacua's performance this week stopped his four game streak of not meeting his projections. He posted 167 yards and two TDs in just three quarters of action.

Jerrays Jerryatricians won despite bad games from Zach Charbonnet and Darren Waller, who together totaled 10 points. That makes it six straight games where Charbonnet has underperformed the league average running back.

Meanwhile, Space Lords really lost this game as a team. They were brought down by six underperformers, the worst of whom was Chris Olave (4 points).1 That made him the worst performer on Space Lords for the first time this year. Another underperformer, Packers Team Kicker, was the worst at his position this week.

Adding injury to insult, Space Lords had a key player go down. Daniel Jones only completed five passes before suffering a season-ending Achilles tear.

A perfect lineup would have given Coach Brad Householder a win in this one. Perhaps scared off by Saquon Barkley's 9 point performance last week, Coach Householder left him on the bench in favor of Kimani Vidal, despite the experts' prediction that Barkley should have played.

This decision took a 10 point chunk out of Space Lords' final score. If Coach Householder had left Kimani Vidal on the bench and also started Eagles Team Kicker and the Vikings Defense/ST, Space Lords would have won the game.

Jerrays Jerryatricians will be going against The Big Red Machine next week. The Big Red Machine will come into the game with some momentum, having posted back-to-back 110+ point games. Meanwhile, Space Lords will be playing Alcoholnics next week.

Zombie Werewolves exceeded their expectations for three straight weeks coming into this game, did it again, and were rewarded with a victory. In the only blowout this week, they crushed Homesick Abortions, winning 102 to 54.5. Zombie Werewolves would have only beaten one other team this week, so Coach Patrick jolle got pretty lucky with the schedule.

Zombie Werewolves improve to 8 - 7 after winning four out of their last five games. The loss drops Homesick Abortions to 4 - 11, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings.

Zombie Werewolves, who were favored to win the game, had a decent start during the early Sunday games. C.J. Stroud's 24 points were the key contribution. Stroud's best play wasn't even a TD: it was this perfect completion into double coverage.

Meanwhile, Homesick Abortions decided the whole 'scoring points' thing was passe. Hunter Henry was the worst of a three man group of underperformers, scoring only 1 point. That was the fewest of any tight end this week.

Homesick Abortions were also hurt by Stefon Diggs falling 7.3 points short of the average wide receiver. Diggsy has now underperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games.

Homesick Abortions were already facing long odds going into the Sunday late games. Any hope they had left evaporated after Kenneth Walker III dropped only 5.5 points.

The week was a successful one for The Brainers, and nobody deserves more credit than Coach Chuck Rittenhouse. He started Travis Etienne instead of Quinshon Judkins, despite the experts' prediction that Judkins should have played.

This decision boosted The Brainers' final score by 21 points and was the difference in the game, as they had just enough against Fuck Mickey Loomis (8 - 7), winning 136 to 129.

The Brainers relied heavily on Amon-Ra St. Brown, who tallied 33 points. St. Brown's performance late on Sunday took him from the 4th best wide receiver to the 3rd best wide receiver in the league.

J.J. McCarthy helped out as well, exceeding his projected point total by 11.2 points. McCarthy accounted for two touchdowns, but his best highlight has nothing to do with football.

Bo Nix was kept on The Brainers' bench in the victory, but he didn't let that discourage him, as he went off for 29.5 points. No other player riding the pine did better this week.

Meanwhile, Coach Colton Mack can blame the loss on Tyler Warren, Devin Neal, and the Buccaneers Defense/ST, who together scored only 17.5 points. Underperforming is the new normal for the Buccaneers, who have gone four straight games without hitting their projected point total.

Fuck Mickey Loomis wound up with their high point total courtesy of five overperformers. James Cook scored 36 points to pace the group. No other running back scored more points than that this week.

The Big Red Machine have owned Jerrays Jerryatricians in the past to the tune of a 3 and 0 record, and went ahead and added to that ledger of dominance this week. They earned a nice victory over Jerrays Jerryatricians, winning 111.5 to 95.

The Big Red Machine have now won three games in a row, giving them a record of 11 - 4. The loss drops Jerrays Jerryatricians' record to 8 - 7.

The Big Red Machine finished Sunday's main action with a respectable number of points. Bijan Robinson led the way, scoring 29.5 points. After Robinson's performance this week, he moved up to being the 5th best player in the league.

Meanwhile, Jerrays Jerryatricians were putting up a sub-par effort. Kareem Hunt kept the scoreboard operator relaxed, coming up with only 4 points. That performance was worse than every other player this week.1

Going into Sunday night's game, Jerrays Jerryatricians were already a long shot to win. After Dak Prescott scored only 5.5 points, the game was over. A good performance for Jerrays Jerryatricians by Darren Waller on Monday night was not nearly enough for a comeback.

Coach Todd Marquis could have won this game with the right lineup. They started two players that the experts thought should be riding the pine. One of those picks, the Seahawks Defense/ST, worked out. The other pick, Dak, did not.

Overall, these moves cost Jerrays Jerryatricians a total of 13 points. If Coach Marquis had kept the Seahawks in the lineup, left Prescott on the bench, and also started Blake Corum, Jerrays Jerryatricians would have won the game.

The experts predicted that Big Tex's Pillow Biters (9 - 6) would have the most points this week. The experts were right. They ended up on top against Pinko Commie Bastards (6 - 9), winning 148 to 134.5. Taking the loss, Coach Erran Yearty can at least take solace in the fact that he helped combine for the highest total score this season.

The game ended one losing steak and started a new one. The win brought Big Tex's Pillow Biters' three game losing streak to an end. The defeat is the 3rd in a row for Pinko Commie Bastards.

Trevor Lawrence and Trey McBride were the key contributors for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, racking up 41.5 and 30 points, respectively. Lawrence's 41.5 points topped all quarterbacks this season. He is the only player in NFL history with 5+ passing TDs, 1+ rushing TD, and 50+ rushing yards in one game.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters managed to rise above the bad efforts from the Cowboys Defense/ST and Emeka Egbuka (9 points total). Egbuka has now underperformed the league average wide receiver in five straight games.

Meanwhile, He was the lone bad performer for Pinko Commie Bastards, and he didn't even do that bad, recording 11 points.1 Metcalf has now been the worst starter on his team five times this season, which is more than any other player on Pinko Commie Bastards.

The seven overperformers on Coach Yearty's squad did their part to balance things out (and then some). Kyle Pitts was the best of them, scoring 37 points. That performance was the best of any player this week.2

Coach Yearty netted his team points again this week, in a repeat of last week's performance. He went with Pitts, Terry McLaurin, and Rico Dowdle over three more highly ranked players.

Incredibly, each of these decisions ended up being the right call. They gave Pinko Commie Bastards a nice 39 point bonus. With those additional points, Coach Yearty is now the best game-day coach in the league, passing Coach Patrick jolle.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters got past Fuck Mickey Loomis with points to spare, winning 102 to 76.5. Big Tex's Pillow Biters' 102 points didn't just give them a win, but moved them into the top spot for points in the season as well.

With the loss, Fuck Mickey Loomis will close the season at 8 - 8. The win brings Big Tex's Pillow Biters to 10 - 6.

Big Tex's Pillow Biters had several players step up in the win, as five starters beat their positional averages. Courtland Sutton was just a bit ahead of the others, tallying 16 points.1 Big Tex's Pillow Biters would have won by a more comfortable margin if Coach William Hayes had put Trevor Lawrence (30 points) in the lineup. Lawrence's performance this week was better than every other bench-rider in the league.

Meanwhile, Seahawks Team Kicker stuck out as the worst performer for Fuck Mickey Loomis, totaling only 2 points.2 Seahawks' performance this week ended a seven game streak of beating the experts' projections.

Seahawks was joined by three other underperformers, including Tyler Warren, who scored only 4 points. It's yet another disappointing day for Warren, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in three straight games.

Even Fuck Mickey Loomis' good players weren't all that good this week, with James Cook, Jalen Hurts, and Ja'Marr Chase recording only 58.5 points. The Browns had no answer to Cook as he scored Buffalo's first touchdown.

The schedule for Big Tex's Pillow Biters brings The Big Red Machine around next week. The Big Red Machine have been racking up the points recently, posting four straight 110+ point games. The matchup will feature the worst gameday coaches in the league, which might lead to some less-than-optimal lineups.

Jerrays Jerryatricians started the post-season off with a bang. They crushed Zombie Werewolves, winning 114.5 to 73.5. Jerrays Jerryatricians got some measure of revenge on Zombie Werewolves for their matchup back in week eight, when Zombie Werewolves crushed Jerrays Jerryatricians 112.5 to 78.

With the win, Jerrays Jerryatricians have now won three out of their last four games, bringing their record to 9 - 7. Zombie Werewolves will finish their season at 8 - 8.

Jerrays Jerryatricians had the good fortune of having the league's best player this week in Puka Nacua.1 Nacua made it rain for Jerrays Jerryatricians, scoring 35 points. He was fined for criticizing officials this week, then he put up 225 yards and two TDs.

Jerrays Jerryatricians also got a better-than-expected performance from Brock Purdy, who beat his projections by 12.9 points. Mr. Relevant scored 29 points, which is the most he's gotten this year. The only real damper on Jerrays Jerryatricians' victory came from Chuba Hubbard, who scored 5 points.

Meanwhile, the loss for Zombie Werewolves came down to a pretty simple factor: they didn't go anywhere. Collectively, they only managed to gain 217 yards rushing and receiving. No other team gained fewer total yards this week. Zombie Werewolves saw four different players underperform in that category, and while none of them particularly stuck out, Wan'Dale Robinson and his 22 total yards was officially the worst.

Coach Jolle were showing off the tactical skills that have made them one of the best coaches in the league this season. They went with Jakobi Meyers over the higher ranked Christian Watson.

This decision netted Coach Jolle an extra 4.5 points, which obviously wasn't close to enough. It did give Coach Jolle their 4th perfect lineup, which is more than any other coach.

Jerrays Jerryatricians' next game will be against The Brainers in a rematch from week seven. Jerrays Jerryatricians was run off the field in the previous matchup, losing by 65.5 points. Coach Todd Marquis will no doubt be worried that Quinshon Judkins will drop another 34.5 points for The Brainers like he did last time.

The Big Red Machine had the 3rd best running backs coming into this game, and they came through for Coach Billy Waters once again. The Big Red Machine used a big game from their running backs to take down Big Tex's Pillow Biters 126.5 to 115.5. Bijan Robinson scored 39 points, while Chase Brown scored 33. Robinson having an explosive game is hardly surprising, given that he's lapped the field when it comes to 150+ yard performances.

Meanwhile, Tee Higgins and Courtland Sutton put a big hurt on Big Tex's Pillow Biters' chances this week, notching only 12 points between them. Coach William Hayes has to be used to bad scores from Sutton, who has been the worst performer on Big Tex's Pillow Biters more times than any other player. His performances have been a good barometer for Big Tex's Pillow Biters this season, as they have gone 3 - 4 when he fails to meet his expectations, and 6 - 2 when he meets them.

In most other games, Big Tex's Pillow Biters' five overperforming players (led by Trey McBride, 19 points) would have brought home a win.1 McBride's 19 point performance was the most that any tight end collected this week.

The win makes it four in a row for The Big Red Machine, and gives them a record of 12 - 4. The loss brings the season to an end for Big Tex's Pillow Biters, who finishes at 10 - 7.

Coming into the game, The Brainers had scored the most points of any team over the last three weeks. They didn't knock it out of the park this week, but that wasn't necessary. Coach Chuck Rittenhouse's squad made it past Jerrays Jerryatricians, winning 93.5 to 85. The win is part of a larger trend for The Brainers. In each of the last three weeks they have scored more points than the week before.

The Brainers have now finished off three straight opponents after this win, which gives them a 12 - 4 record. Jerrays Jerryatricians ends their 2025 campaign with a 9 - 8 mark.

The Brainers had never lost when Caleb Williams overperformed his expectations, and that held true again this week. Williams joined up with Cowboys Team Kicker to deliver 35.5 points. That makes it four straight games of overperforming expectations for Williams. He is now just 270 passing yards away from being Chicago's first 4,000 yard passer.

Meanwhile, Michael Carter and Darren Waller were the captain and first mate on the good ship failboat. Together they dropped only 7.5 points. Waller scored 1 point, which was the fewest of any tight end this week. He got three targets, one reception, and exactly zero yards.

The experts just can't seem to give The Big Red Machine enough credit. They had topped their point total projections for five straight weeks before this game, and did it again this week. The Big Red Machine gave The Brainers a 129 to 98 drubbing. That win stopped The Brainers' winning streak at three games.

The win brings The Big Red Machine's winning streak to five games, bringing their record to 13 - 4. The loss drops The Brainers' record to 12 - 5.

The Big Red Machine had a decent start during the early Sunday games. They were powered by Texans Team Kicker, who scored 26 points. Texans set the new high mark for all s this season with that performance.

Meanwhile, Coach Chuck Rittenhouse had four players in the field early on Sunday and all of them stunk. They were hurt most of all by Mike Evans's3 point performance.

The Brainers also had to deal with a poor effort from Travis Etienne (12.1 points below expected). Etienne is in the midst of a troubling sequence, having seen his point total fall every week for the last three weeks.

The Big Red Machine were already a big favorite to win going into the Sunday late games. It was over for good after Colston Loveland dropped 20 points. A terrific performance for The Big Red Machine by Zay Flowers on Sunday night just made things uglier.

The Big Red Machine benefited from smart coaching this week. Coach Waters started Joe Burrow instead of Josh Allen, despite the experts' prediction that Allen should have played.

This decision gave The Big Red Machine a nice 18 point bonus, which just made the final result that much more embarrassing. It also earned Coach Waters 'Coach of the Week' honors, as he gave his squad more extra points than anyone else in the league.