Champion
Homesick Abortions
Chris Crowder closed the season.
Season Summary
The 2013 season reads like one complete chapter in the CBS era. It ended with Homesick Abortions holding the title for Chris Crowder. The regular season was set by Homesick Abortions, which went 8-6 with 900.0 points for in a 8-team field.
The division map mattered. GNG does not treat the standings as a simple top-six sprint: the East Side and West Side each send their own top three, so a manager has to survive his side of the league before worrying about the full table. Big Tex's Pillow Biters led West Side at 9-5, with Alcoholnics sitting on the cut line; Spacelords led East Side at 8-6, with Troll Hoppers sitting on the cut line. That structure created the kind of NFL-style tension GNG has always liked: The Brainers had a stronger overall profile than at least one playoff qualifier, but the divisional cut line still made the path unforgiving.
The weekly results give the year its pulse. Big Tex's Pillow Biters was the scoring heavyweight at 944.0 points for, a reminder that raw power and the final standings do not always tell the same story. Across 63 scored games over 17 weeks, the biggest combined score was Week 1, Alcoholnics vs Big Tex's Pillow Biters at 198.0 combined points (91.0-107.0). The closest finish was Week 15, Homesick Abortions over Alcoholnics, 64.0-63.0 by 1.0. The widest gap was Week 13, Spacelords over Alcoholnics, 88.0-35.0 by 53.0. The playoffs added 7 bracket games across 3 rounds, ending with Homesick Abortions over Pinko Commie Bastards in the final.
Draft night left a trail of 120 picks across 8 teams and 15 rounds. 15 marked selections hint at the keeper pressure around roster building. 0 confirmed keepers and 15 still-debated keeper candidates shaped the roster memory for the year. Those roster choices are where the season starts to feel personal: the held-over stars, the missed bets, and the managers who had to live with both.
The CBS Year in Review added another angle: Coach Chris Crowder took on all comers this season, and had what it took to prevail. Homesick Abortions finished off 2013 with a 75 to 61 victory over Pinko Commie Bastards, giving them an 11 - 6 final record. He benefited from quality at the top of their draft, picking up LeSean McCoy, Demaryius Thomas, and Matt Ryan with his first three picks.
The message board gives the season its voice. The busiest thread was "Poppa needs a new pair of shoes." from Homesick Abortions - Chris Crowder, drawing 2 comments. The recurring pressure points were trade pressure, lineup and waiver arguments, and playoff stakes and championship reaction. Other season markers include "Here ya go, Chris! You'll look great in this..", "The Big Dance!", "Cya! Photo", and "Trading after Thursday".
Taken together, the title race, the week-to-week swings, the roster choices, and the board chatter turn the season into more than a list of standings. It is a memory map for the managers who lived through it.
Season Model
At a Glance
Regular-Season Boss
Homesick Abortions
8-6 with 900.0 PF.
Scoring Force
Big Tex's Pillow Biters
944.0 points for set the season pace.
Signature Game
Alcoholnics vs Big Tex's Pillow Biters
Week 1 reached 198.0 combined points.
Board Heat
Poppa needs a new pair of shoes.
2 comments from Homesick Abortions - Chris Crowder.
Roster Stakes
15 keeper rows
15 draft rounds, 15 keeper candidates, 7 playoff games shape the season memory.
Champion
Homesick Abortions
Chris Crowder
Record8-6
Points For900.0
Fantasy BowlHomesick Abortions 75.0, Pinko Commie Bastards 61.0
Homesick Abortions finished the job against Pinko Commie Bastards in The Fantasy Bowl, Homesick Abortions 75.0, Pinko Commie Bastards 61.0.
Playoff path: Alcoholnics to Big Tex's Pillow Biters to Pinko Commie Bastards
First-Round Byes
Division Champions
West Side Champion
Big Tex's Pillow Biters
Billy Hayes
- Record
- 9-5
- Division
- 6-0
- Points
- 944.0
East Side Champion
Pinko Commie Bastards
Erran Yearty
- Record
- 8-6
- Division
- 4-2
- Points
- 923.0
Playoff Bracket
CBS playoff history preserved from the year-by-year archive.
Champion
Homesick Abortions
Playoffs Round 1
Week 15Semifinals
Week 16
Spacelords58.0Championship
Week 17Season Scoring Profile
Division Standings
GNG playoff paths run through the East Side and West Side. The top three teams from each division qualify, even when the full league table would tell a messier story.
| Seed | Manager | Team | W | L | T | Pct | Div | PF | PA |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| West Side Division Top 3 qualify | |||||||||
| 1 · Playoff | Billy Hayes |  Big Tex's Pillow Biters |
9 | 5 | 0 | 0.643 | 6-0 | 944.0 | 880.0 |
| 2 · Playoff | Chris Crowder | Homesick Abortions |
8 | 6 | 0 | 0.571 | 3-3 | 900.0 | 900.0 |
| 3 · Playoff | Redneck Ninetynine |  Alcoholnics |
5 | 9 | 0 | 0.357 | 2-4 | 863.0 | 1,005.0 |
| 4 | Robert Wetzel |  Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum |
5 | 9 | 0 | 0.357 | 1-5 | 863.0 | 855.0 |
| East Side Division Top 3 qualify | |||||||||
| 1 · Playoff | Erran Yearty |  Pinko Commie Bastards |
8 | 6 | 0 | 0.571 | 4-2 | 923.0 | 898.0 |
| 2 · Playoff | Brad Householder | Spacelords |
8 | 6 | 0 | 0.571 | 2-4 | 941.0 | 874.0 |
| 3 · Playoff | Kenneth Hendershott |  Troll Hoppers |
7 | 7 | 0 | 0.500 | 4-2 | 880.0 | 820.0 |
| 4 | Chuck Rittenhouse |  The Brainers |
6 | 8 | 0 | 0.429 | 2-4 | 771.0 | 853.0 |
Week-By-Week
One scoring slate at a time, with the noise stripped out.
4 matchups198.0 top total3.0 closest margin
82.0
82.0 - 85.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
85.0
Homesick Abortions
Away
Troll Hoppers
72.0
Troll Hoppers
72.0 - 61.0
Home
The Brainers
61.0
The Brainers
Away
Alcoholnics
91.0
Alcoholnics
91.0 - 107.0
107.0
Away
Spacelords
81.0
Spacelords
81.0 - 60.0
60.0
4 matchups150.0 top total21.0 closest margin
Away
Alcoholnics
75.0
Alcoholnics
75.0 - 48.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
48.0
Homesick Abortions
Away
Troll Hoppers
60.0
Troll Hoppers
60.0 - 90.0
90.0
55.0
55.0 - 76.0
76.0
Away
Spacelords
43.0
Spacelords
43.0 - 82.0
Home
The Brainers
82.0
The Brainers 4 matchups142.0 top total6.0 closest margin
Away
Alcoholnics
72.0
Alcoholnics
72.0 - 57.0
57.0
Away
Spacelords
74.0
Spacelords
74.0 - 68.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
68.0
Troll Hoppers
60.0
60.0 - 41.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
41.0
Homesick Abortions
39.0
39.0 - 25.0
Home
The Brainers
25.0
The Brainers 4 matchups189.0 top total6.0 closest margin
Away
Spacelords
75.0
Spacelords
75.0 - 33.0
33.0
Away
Troll Hoppers
110.0
Troll Hoppers
110.0 - 79.0
79.0
63.0
63.0 - 69.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
69.0
Homesick Abortions
Away
The Brainers
89.0
The Brainers
89.0 - 81.0
Home
Alcoholnics
81.0
Alcoholnics 4 matchups122.0 top total2.0 closest margin
60.0
60.0 - 62.0
Home
Spacelords
62.0
Spacelords
Away
Alcoholnics
59.0
Alcoholnics
59.0 - 52.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
52.0
Troll Hoppers
70.0
70.0 - 46.0
46.0
Away
Homesick Abortions
55.0
Homesick Abortions
55.0 - 67.0
Home
The Brainers
67.0
The Brainers 4 matchups137.0 top total16.0 closest margin
Away
Spacelords
78.0
Spacelords
78.0 - 59.0
Home
Alcoholnics
59.0
Alcoholnics
Away
Troll Hoppers
49.0
Troll Hoppers
49.0 - 65.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
65.0
Homesick Abortions
64.0
64.0 - 42.0
42.0
Away
The Brainers
36.0
The Brainers
36.0 - 88.0
88.0
4 matchups169.0 top total3.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
66.0
Homesick Abortions
66.0 - 63.0
Home
Spacelords
63.0
Spacelords
78.0
78.0 - 34.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
34.0
Troll Hoppers
Away
Alcoholnics
73.0
Alcoholnics
73.0 - 96.0
96.0
57.0
57.0 - 31.0
Home
The Brainers
31.0
The Brainers 4 matchups132.0 top total6.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
56.0
Homesick Abortions
56.0 - 50.0
50.0
Away
The Brainers
51.0
The Brainers
51.0 - 79.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
79.0
Troll Hoppers
54.0
54.0 - 47.0
Home
Alcoholnics
47.0
Alcoholnics
76.0
76.0 - 56.0
Home
Spacelords
56.0
Spacelords 4 matchups136.0 top total7.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
76.0
Homesick Abortions
76.0 - 54.0
Home
Alcoholnics
54.0
Alcoholnics
49.0
49.0 - 87.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
87.0
Troll Hoppers
78.0
78.0 - 53.0
53.0
Away
The Brainers
68.0
The Brainers
68.0 - 61.0
Home
Spacelords
61.0
Spacelords 4 matchups149.0 top total11.0 closest margin
88.0
88.0 - 42.0
Home
Alcoholnics
42.0
Alcoholnics
Away
Troll Hoppers
67.0
Troll Hoppers
67.0 - 25.0
Home
Spacelords
25.0
Spacelords
Away
Homesick Abortions
69.0
Homesick Abortions
69.0 - 80.0
80.0
Away
The Brainers
40.0
The Brainers
40.0 - 57.0
57.0
4 matchups176.0 top total2.0 closest margin
Away
Spacelords
58.0
Spacelords
58.0 - 62.0
62.0
Away
Troll Hoppers
33.0
Troll Hoppers
33.0 - 47.0
47.0
104.0
104.0 - 72.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
72.0
Homesick Abortions
Away
The Brainers
60.0
The Brainers
60.0 - 62.0
Home
Alcoholnics
62.0
Alcoholnics 4 matchups165.0 top total5.0 closest margin
69.0
69.0 - 96.0
Home
Spacelords
96.0
Spacelords
Away
Alcoholnics
29.0
Alcoholnics
29.0 - 46.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
46.0
Troll Hoppers
55.0
55.0 - 60.0
60.0
Away
Homesick Abortions
50.0
Homesick Abortions
50.0 - 26.0
Home
The Brainers
26.0
The Brainers 4 matchups137.0 top total2.0 closest margin
Away
Spacelords
88.0
Spacelords
88.0 - 35.0
Home
Alcoholnics
35.0
Alcoholnics
Away
Troll Hoppers
46.0
Troll Hoppers
46.0 - 79.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
79.0
Homesick Abortions
53.0
53.0 - 84.0
84.0
Away
The Brainers
60.0
The Brainers
60.0 - 58.0
58.0
4 matchups150.0 top total12.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
69.0
Homesick Abortions
69.0 - 81.0
Home
Spacelords
81.0
Spacelords
34.0
34.0 - 77.0
Home
Troll Hoppers
77.0
Troll Hoppers
Away
Alcoholnics
84.0
Alcoholnics
84.0 - 66.0
66.0
51.0
51.0 - 75.0
Home
The Brainers
75.0
The Brainers 2 matchups152.0 top total1.0 closest margin
Away
Alcoholnics
63.0
Alcoholnics
63.0 - 64.0
Home
Homesick Abortions
64.0
Homesick Abortions
Away
Troll Hoppers
61.0
Troll Hoppers
61.0 - 91.0
Home
Spacelords
91.0
Spacelords 2 matchups122.0 top total1.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
66.0
Homesick Abortions
66.0 - 56.0
56.0
Away
Spacelords
58.0
Spacelords
58.0 - 59.0
59.0
3 matchups137.0 top total8.0 closest margin
Away
Homesick Abortions
75.0
Homesick Abortions
75.0 - 61.0
61.0
51.0
51.0 - 59.0
59.0
Away
Alcoholnics
76.0
Alcoholnics
76.0 - 61.0
Home
The Brainers
61.0
The Brainers 
Homesick Abortions - Chris Crowder · Dec 31, 2013 09:43 am ET
Poppa needs a new pair of shoes.
So what's a guy gotta do to get my beloved leader bonus?
The Brainers - Chuck Rittenhouse · Dec 31, 2013 02:01 pm ET
Here ya go, Chris! You'll look great in this..
No post text was recovered for this entry.
The Brainers - Chuck Rittenhouse · Dec 24, 2013 01:07 pm ET
The Big Dance!
CONGRATS CHRIS AND ERRAN!!! Good job guys, and good luck in the Fantasy Bowl!
USATSI Spacelords had no chance as Calvin Johnson got the job done by Fantasy Journalist · Oct 29, 2013 05:32 am ET
Cya! Photo
Spacelords blew out Pinko Commie Bastards in week one. This week, Coach Erran Yearty got his revenge. Pinko Commie Bastards demolished Spacelords, winning 76 to 56. Blowouts are nothing new to Coach Yearty, since Pinko Commie Bastards has been involved in the most blowout games of anybody in league so far. With the win, Pinko Commie Bastards moved to 5 - 3, good for the top spot in the East Side division. After suffering their first back-to-back losses of the season, Spacelords sits at 5 - 3. There are good games, there are great games, and then there are games for the ages. Calvin Johnson had one of the latter on Sunday for Pinko Commie Bastards. He scored 20 points after racking up 329 receiving yards (7 yards shy of the NFL record, which was set in overtime). Johnson’s performance, while magnificent, wasn’t flawless, as he had a costly fumble and in typical Calvin Johnson fashion was tackled inside the 5 yard line 4 times. The game would have been an even bigger blowout if Coach Yearty had put Jordy Nelson (19 points) in the lineup. Coach Yearty may want to consider putting Nelson in the starting lineup, after he put up 27 points in the last two weeks. Spacelords had many underperformers, but Tom Brady stood out, scoring only 5 points.1 Bad performances are pretty common these days for Brady, who has now underperformed the experts' predictions in four straight games. Perhaps not coincidentally, he has also been the worst player on Spacelords more than anybody else on the team. Jamaal Charles has to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 10 fewer points than he was expected to. Charles' performances have been a good barometer for Spacelords this season, as they have gone 2 - 3 when he fails to meet his expectations, and 3 - 0 when he meets them. Coach Yearty can rest a bit after this big victory since the next two games are against sub .500 teams, starting with Troll Hoppers next week. Making things even easier, Troll Hoppers will be without Wes Welker, who has a bye. Spacelords have a lucky matchup set for next week. They play The Brainers, a team currently on a three game losing skid. That contest will be a rematch from week two, when Spacelords was run off the field, losing by 39 points. Jason Witten had the lowest point total for Spacelords, but Tom Brady did worse versus the average quarterback (-8.92 points) than Witten did versus the average tight end (-4.38 points). Modify your gender in these stories Fantasy Journalist stories are powered by infoSentience,
Space Lords - Brad Householder · Oct 04, 2013 10:44 pm ET
Trading after Thursday
Is there any way to set the system up to allow us to trade after the Thursday game? I think this may have been discussed but I cant recall the limitations, if any.
Space Lords - Brad Householder · Nov 19, 2013 11:13 am ET
Just Fuck!
Fucking 5 in a row! Lets see if we can go for 6!
The Brainers - Chuck Rittenhouse · Nov 06, 2013 07:14 pm ET
On the Block Update: The Brainers
The Brainers have updated their "On the Block" page. Check out the updated information below. If you want to offer this team a trade, go to the My Team, Trade page in your league. Offered: Keenan Allen WR SD Wide Receivers Needs: Quarterbacks Running Backs Tight Ends
Space Lords - Brad Householder · Sep 24, 2013 09:17 am ET
Alchoholnics coming up from the cellar
Look at Nick..hes doing a little Ass kicking this year. Well done Coach
CBS Season Recap · Dec 31, 2013 07:19 pm ET
Season Recap
Coach Chris Crowder took on all comers this season, and had what it took to prevail. Homesick Abortions finished off 2013 with a 75 to 61 victory over Pinko Commie Bastards, giving them an 11 - 6 final record. He benefited from quality at the top of their draft, picking up LeSean McCoy, Demaryius Thomas, and Matt Ryan with his first three picks.
Nobody, however, did better with their first three picks than Coach William Hayes. He selected Peyton Manning, Julio Jones, and Andre Johnson, who put up the best production of any top three picks (+95 Points vs. Position Average). That poor record occurred despite Big Tex's Pillow Biters getting the gift of more lucky wins than any other team. When it came to schedule strength though, nobody had it harder than Alcoholnics. Their opponents put up 1005 points during the regular season, a full 119 points more than average.
On the coaching front, Coach Chuck Rittenhouse stood out as the best decision-maker this year. His lineup moves gave his squad 38 more points than the experts would have. That was 71 points better than Coach Hayes, who was the worst coach in the league. He sure distributed those lost points well however, as he never cost his team a game with his decisions.
Coach Robert Wetzel also had trouble coaching, and the results sure showed. Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum wound up at 5 - 10, good for the worst record in the league. The unimpressive finish was also partially due to Lo Pan's House of Dim Sum's 7th ranked running backs.
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All in all, there were injuries, surprise standouts and smart waiver moves that certainly made for an exciting race to the finish. And while Homesick Abortions may be holding on tightly to their title as GNG Football!!! This shit rocks... champion until next year, Fantasy Football doesn't have to be over just yet. Lucky for all, Playoff Challenge still offers one more chance to compete for a victory (and a cash prize) this postseason!