Nico Collins Delivers Thriller Over KeonCounty
Final: Shartnado 145.88, KeonCounty 144.88
I watched pure madness unfold in this one-point finish. Shartnado squeaked out a 145.88 to 144.88 victory behind massive displays from Nico Collins, who smashed his 18.6 projection with 30.8 points, and Puka Nacua, who poured in 27.7 points against a 19.27 projection. Jonathan Taylor added 22.7 points to anchor the attack, rendering Matthew Stafford's ugly 9.68-point showing completely harmless to the final result.
Coach callen828 is going to lose sleep over this one after benching Romeo Doubs and his 23.8 points for George Pickens (9.5 points), throwing away 14.3 points in a game decided by a single point. Even with CeeDee Lamb exploding for 41.3 points against a 17.42 projection and Kenneth Walker chipping in 30.9 points, starting D'Andre Swift (7.4 points) was total roster poison that sealed the loss.
Coach Erran Yearty left 50.8 points on the pine, including 36.7 points from Kyren Williams, but I give credit where it is due: Shartnado won two straight and now leads this all-time series 5-2 with three straight wins over KeonCounty. Both teams sit at 2-2 in the South Side, where KeonCounty retains first place. Shartnado battles 2-2 Big Tex's Pillow Biters next, while KeonCounty faces the 2-2 Alcoholniks.
Jake Bates Sparks Puerto Rican Pounders Victory
Final: Puerto Rican Pounders 121.78, 2nd Hand Smoke 98.92
I love when the kickers run the show, and Jake Bates acted as the ultimate weapon by dropping 18 points against an 8.04 projection. Bijan Robinson handled business as well with 27.7 points (projected 23.2), alongside Chris Olave posting 19.6 points and Lamar Jackson adding 20.88 points to push Puerto Rican Pounders to a comfortable 121.78 to 98.92 victory.
Coach CallsignRacehorse suffered an all-time coaching disaster that made me sick to my stomach. Benching Tetairoa McMillan and his 45.2 points to start Garrett Wilson (5.7 points) was a 39.5-point blunder that single-handedly flipped the matchup, making Brock Purdy's steady 21.62 points completely irrelevant.
Coach eddospagheddo won two straight despite starting Saquon Barkley for 2 points over Emanuel Wilson's 27 points. Puerto Rican Pounders now sit at 3-1, take a 3-2 edge in the all-time series, and snap a two-game skid against 2nd Hand Smoke. The Pounders sit second in the North Side chasing Coweta Crackas (3-1), while 1-3 2nd Hand Smoke prepares for the 2-2 Prodigies.
Malik Nabers Leads Crackas in Runaway Rout
Final: Coweta Crackas 142.42, Egbuka Matata 97.38
This game was never competitive, and I watched Coweta Crackas run away with a 142.42 to 97.38 blowout. Malik Nabers shredded expectations with 23.2 points against a 13.93 projection, while Quinshon Judkins dominated the flex spot with 21.6 points against a 10.8 projection. Josh Allen posted 19.52 points and Brenton Strange chipped in 16.5 points to ensure total domination.
Egbuka Matata completely crumbled in this first-ever meeting between the franchises. Coach TheBredeBunch saw Javonte Williams put up 31.3 points and Chuba Hubbard post 25.9 points, but David Montgomery was an absolute bust with 4.3 points against a 15.04 projection, and Dalton Kincaid stalled out with 1.7 points.
The process was ugly on both sides: Coach bodilyfunction started Ladd McConkey for zero points after he did not play because of a foot injury, while Coach TheBredeBunch started Terry McLaurin for zero points after he missed the game with a hamstring injury and left T.J. Hockenson's 24.9 points on the bench. Coweta Crackas stay atop the North Side at 3-1 with two straight wins, heading into a matchup with 3-1 Puerto Rican Pounders, while 2-2 Egbuka Matata takes on 1-3 Keep Pounding.
Sam LaPorta Powers Pillow Biters Past Rivals
Final: Big Tex's Pillow Biters 139.28, Keep Pounding 122.4
I witnessed a true slugfest here, but Big Tex's Pillow Biters had the firepower to claim a 139.28 to 122.4 win. Sam LaPorta was decisive, crushing his 11.67 projection with 22.4 points, while Tee Higgins put on a show with 26.7 points against a 16.54 projection. Chase Brown chipped in 19.1 points to give Coach Billy Hayes plenty of breathing room.
Keep Pounding fought hard behind Alvin Kamara's 22.8 points on a 9.81 projection and Ashton Jeanty's 18.6 points, but Jaxon Smith-Njigba flopped with 12.6 points against a 22.54 projection. Travis Kelce looked cooked with just 3.5 points, torpedoing the comeback effort.
Coach Billy Hayes survived starting Trevor Lawrence (14.08 points) over Drake Maye (29.16 points), extending their winning streak against Keep Pounding to five games and pushing the all-time series lead to 7-2. Big Tex's Pillow Biters sit at 2-2 in the South Side and face 2-2 Shartnado next week, while 1-3 Keep Pounding has dropped three straight and looks ahead to 2-2 Egbuka Matata.
Joe Burrow Guides Prodigies Over Cold Alcoholniks
Final: The Prodigies 109.72, Alcoholniks 83.1
I saw Joe Burrow put on a quarterback clinic with 24.72 points to carry The Prodigies to a 109.72 to 83.1 win. Brock Bowers was equally unstoppable, racking up 20.6 points against a 15.18 projection, while Spencer Shrader booted his way to 16 points against a 9.4 projection to mask an otherwise quiet roster.
Alcoholniks turned in the league's worst performance this week, failing to hit triple digits. George Kittle delivered 17 points, but Jeremiyah Love gave Coach Nick Claeboe a meager 6.5 points against a 15.95 projection, Davante Adams stalled at 7.2 points, and Chase McLaughlin contributed only 2 points.
Coach NolesProdigy took a tough break starting Rashee Rice, who put up zero points while dealing with a hamstring injury, but Coach Nick Claeboe still blundered by benching Rhamondre Stevenson (18.4 points) for Love. The Prodigies now hold a 2-1 all-time series lead, won two straight in the matchup, and improve to 2-2 in the North Side before playing 1-3 2nd Hand Smoke. Alcoholniks fall to 2-2 in the South Side and face 2-2 KeonCounty.
Clean up your lineups and bench the drama before Week 5 locks in. I will be back next week to break down who rose to the occasion and who collapsed.
Weekly Awards
- Best Manager 🔥 Keep Pounding set a lineup worth 90% of its perfect possible lineup (135.36).
- Worst Manager 🤔 Egbuka Matata set the worst lineup, only 61% of its perfect possible lineup (158.48).
- Biggest Blowout 😂 Coweta Crackas beat Egbuka Matata by 46.3%, 142.42 to 97.38.
- Narrow Victory 😱 Shartnado edged KeonCounty by 0.7%, 145.88 to 144.88.
- Highest Scorer 😎 Shartnado, 145.88 points.
- Lowest Scorer 💩 Alcoholniks, 83.1 points.
- Overachiever 🤓 Coweta Crackas beat its projection (121.52) by 17% with 142.42.
- Below Expectation 💀 Alcoholniks missed its projection (117.57) by 29% with 83.1.
- QB of the Week ⭐ The Prodigies started the best QB: Joe Burrow (CIN), 24.72.
- RB of the Week ⭐ Egbuka Matata started the best RB: Javonte Williams (DAL), 31.3.
- WR of the Week ⭐ KeonCounty started the best WR: CeeDee Lamb (DAL), 41.3.
- TE of the Week ⭐ Big Tex's Pillow Biters started the best TE: Sam LaPorta (DET), 22.4.
- K of the Week ⭐ Puerto Rican Pounders started the best K: Jake Bates (DET), 18.
- DEF of the Week ⭐ Coweta Crackas started the best DEF: Seattle Seahawks (SEA), 12.
- QB Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 Big Tex's Pillow Biters had the best bench QB: Drake Maye (NE), 29.16.
- RB Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 Shartnado had the best bench RB: Kyren Williams (LAR), 36.7.
- WR Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 2nd Hand Smoke had the best bench WR: Tetairoa McMillan (CAR), 45.2.
- TE Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 Egbuka Matata had the best bench TE: T.J. Hockenson (MIN), 24.9.
- K Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 2nd Hand Smoke had the best bench K: Cameron Dicker (LAC), 12.
- DEF Benchwarmer of the Week 👀 Coweta Crackas had the best bench DEF: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (TB), 7.
Standings after Week 4
South Side
| Team | W-L | PF | GB |
|---|---|---|---|
| KeonCounty | 2-2 | 536.20 | - |
| Shartnado | 2-2 | 516.78 | - |
| Alcoholniks | 2-2 | 470.80 | - |
| Big Tex's Pillow Biters | 2-2 | 463.84 | - |
| Keep Pounding | 1-3 | 524.22 | 1 |
North Side
| Team | W-L | PF | GB |
|---|---|---|---|
| Coweta Crackas | 3-1 | 545.26 | - |
| Puerto Rican Pounders | 3-1 | 487.08 | - |
| Egbuka Matata | 2-2 | 488.66 | 1 |
| The Prodigies | 2-2 | 456.36 | 1 |
| 2nd Hand Smoke | 1-3 | 440.82 | 2 |
Week 5 Matchups
- Big Tex's Pillow Biters (2-2) vs. Shartnado (2-2) (first-place showdown)
- Alcoholniks (2-2) vs. KeonCounty (2-2) (first-place showdown)
- Keep Pounding (1-3) vs. Egbuka Matata (2-2)
- Puerto Rican Pounders (3-1) vs. Coweta Crackas (3-1) (first-place showdown)
- The Prodigies (2-2) vs. 2nd Hand Smoke (1-3) (division game)
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