Alcoholniks

Team Story

nickclaeboe's Alcoholniks joined the dynasty in 2025, three seasons late and slotted into the South Side seat Bama Boy had vacated. This was no cold start: the inherited roster still carried Marvin Harrison Jr., Jalen Hurts, and Davante Adams from a team that had just finished third, and the rookie draft layered in Cam Skattebo at 1.08, Matthew Golden, and Jack Bech. That roster took the podium in 2024. Twelve months later it was ninth.

The debut was a 4-11 scramble. They ran the waiver wire raw, 27 free-agent moves in fifteen weeks, cycling Dak Prescott in for Trevor Lawrence and streaming Rhamondre Stevenson, Kaleb Johnson, and Dylan Sampson through the flex. None of it took. The Alcoholniks were outscored by 193 on the year, 1723.5 to 1916.6.

They also drew the wrong division. The South Side housed eventual champion Big Tex's Pillow Biters, who swept them 130.6-124.7 and 120.5-109.7, plus Shartnado, who dropped 190.0 on them in Week 10. Inside the division the Alcoholniks went 1-7. The schedule was a wall and they hit it weekly.

The lone bright thread ran through the basement. In the ninth-place game they edged thompr 120.5-115.4 to dodge the wooden spoon, having already handled thompr 106.9-79.1 back in Week 9. Late in the year they bought Chris Godwin, dealing a 2026 second-rounder and taking back two 2026 thirds, a first small bet on year two.

For 2026 they return with Skattebo, Golden, and Godwin as foundation pieces and a full season of scar tissue. When your rookie year ends ninth and you beat the tenth-place team to get there, the only direction left is up.