2025

Season Story

The 12-3 Team Won Nothing: Big Tex Ends the Shartnado Dynasty

Egbuka's Sprint, Shartnado's Long March

Egbuka Matata opened 6-0, the only unbeaten club through six weeks, led by the rookie the franchise seemed named to draft, Emeka Egbuka. TheBredeBunch's roster hung 159.58, 156.66 and 144.22 in that run and looked like the class of the North Side.

Shartnado, chasing a third straight title, opened just 1-1. SoFain's team dropped week 2 to Egbuka Matata 149.60-159.58, then lost week 4 to Big Tex's Pillow Biters by 0.44, 145.58-146.02. After that, it basically stopped losing.

From week 5 on Shartnado went 11-1, piled up a league-best 2344.78 points, 269 clear of anyone else, and locked the 1-seed and a bye. Egbuka Matata went the other way: after 6-0 it stumbled to 4-5 down the stretch, including 70.54 and 64.88 duds in weeks 11 and 12, and backed into the 3-seed at 10-5.

The 6-9 Playoff Team

The last postseason ticket went to a team with a losing record. The Prodigies finished 6-9 yet scored 1937.96 points, more than the 4-seed Big Tex (1929.72) and the 5-seed Keep Pounding (1935.44). Most points on the North Side outside the top two, worst luck in the league.

Entering the final week three teams sat at five wins: The Prodigies, KeonCounty and thompr, separated only by points scored. NolesProdigy's group broke the tie the hard way, dropping 155.64 on Big Tex to win 155.64-121.00 while KeonCounty and thompr both lost. One good afternoon was the entire difference between the bracket and the couch.

The Trade Desk and the Waiver Wire

Shartnado worked the phones like a contender. At the November deadline it sent J.K. Dobbins to The Prodigies for Jared Goff and a 2026 second, upgrading at quarterback and pocketing a pick in the same move. Goff had been a Prodigies waiver claim back in week 2; they turned a free agent into a starting running back.

The season's best gag also belonged to Shartnado. It flipped Isiah Pacheco to the Prodigies for a 2026 third in week 2, watched the Prodigies cut him in week 7, then beat 2nd Hand Smoke's waiver claim to take him right back. A free draft pick for a player it never truly lost. Rookie back Kyle Monangai and a revived Joe Flacco were other tidy Shartnado pickups.

The champion played a different game entirely. Mid-run, Big Tex's Pillow Biters sold DK Metcalf, Jordan Addison and Jake Ferguson to Puerto Rican Pounders for two second-round picks, then won the title anyway. Days after lifting the trophy it shipped James Cook to Shartnado for a 2026 second and a 2027 first, the textbook sell-high-on-a-champion pivot.

The Rookie Draft, Graded in Hindsight

Keep Pounding held 1.01 and took Ashton Jeanty, the crown jewel of the class and an instant fantasy back. It still finished 8-7 and lost in the first round, which tells you plenty about the rest of that roster.

The pick of the draft for sheer fit was 1.07: Egbuka Matata, the team, drafting Emeka Egbuka, the receiver. He delivered a top rookie-WR season and carried the 10-5 three seed. 2nd Hand Smoke's Tetairoa McMillan at 1.02 aged nearly as well and fueled the 11-4 two seed.

The misses clustered at the bottom of the table. Alcoholniks spent 1.08 on Cam Skattebo, productive until a serious leg injury, and finished last at 4-11. Shartnado's 1.10 on Kaleb Johnson never got off the ground. The steal came late: The Prodigies grabbed Jaxson Dart at 3.29, a rookie who seized an NFL starting job.

By the Numbers

2nd Hand Smoke set the season high with 200.94 in week 14, the only 200-point game of the year and a 71-point demolition of The Prodigies. Shartnado's 190.0 in week 10 was the second-highest total anyone posted.

The biggest beatdown belonged to 2nd Hand Smoke again: 183.12 to Egbuka Matata's 64.88 in week 12, a 118.24-point canyon that also produced the league's lowest single-game score. The tightest game was Keep Pounding 145.74 over KeonCounty 145.52 in week 11, a margin of 0.22.

Bracket Busters

Big Tex's Pillow Biters entered the playoffs as the 4-seed with no bye and left as champion, and it took the scenic route. Round one was 196.1 on Keep Pounding, the highest score of the entire postseason.

Then the statement. In the semifinal the 9-6 Big Tex buried the 12-3 Shartnado 154.14-115.68. That 115.68 was Shartnado's lowest output of the whole season, delivered in the one week it needed its best; the three-peat died on the 1-seed's worst day. Big Tex had edged Shartnado by 0.44 back in week 4, and this time the margin was over 38.

The final was a coin flip in the mud. 2nd Hand Smoke, the 2-seed that had hung 200.94 a month earlier, managed only 99.58 in NFL week 18; Big Tex scraped 101.44 and won the title by 1.86 points. Shartnado consoled itself with third place, 107.66-101.48 over Egbuka Matata.

So the best team all year got a trophy for third, and a middling 9-6 club owns the ring. Big Tex promptly cashed its stars for a stack of 2026 and 2027 picks, while Shartnado, sick of losing to the bracket, went out and bought James Cook. The 2026 arms race started before the confetti hit the floor.